Been remarried for 16 years now

[wifeandmother72]

I am a 51-year old remarried woman and mother of 5 children. My first marriage had lasted 5 years and have two kids from that marriage. My second marriage has lasted 16 years and I legally adopted my 3 stepchildren(2 daughters and 1 son) shortly after my second marriage.

My second husband was actually the ex-husband of a former colleague of mine and former friend.

My former colleague had started to abuse drugs and that was how she had lost her job. She abandoned the kids, caught drug charges, and went to prison. She had finally been released.

However, after she had gotten arrested, my husband had filed for the divorce from her, and we had gotten married shortly after she went to prison.

My husband and me had both decided that it was best to have his ex-wife's name removed from the children's birth certificate, since the kids agreed to the adoption, I adopted all 3 of my children. I also had changed the middle names of my adopted daughters. I changed my husband's ex-wife's middle name from one of the girls to my middle name and the other girl's middle name was changed from the maiden name of my husband's ex-wife to my sister's middle name. My adopted children are 22, 20, and 18.

She has been released from prison for 7 years.

[Elliot]

I can imagine that your life has been quite the rollercoaster ride, with all the twists and turns you've navigated. First of all, I want to say that you're doing an incredible job holding your family together through all of this. It's not every day that we encounter such complex family dynamics, and your commitment to your husband and children is truly commendable.

Let's address the situation with your husband's ex-wife first. It must have been a challenging decision to have her name removed from the children's birth certificates, especially after her release from prison. But you did what you believed was best for your family, and that's admirable. It's crucial to ensure that your adopted children have a stable and loving home, which you've provided for them.

Now, as she has been out of prison for seven years, it's a good time to reflect on the current situation. You might want to consider initiating a conversation with your adopted children. Listen to their thoughts and feelings about their biological mother, and whether they have any desire to reconnect or establish a relationship with her. While it's important to protect them from any potential harm, they are adults now, and their voices should be heard in this matter.

Additionally, therapy or counseling could be a valuable resource. A professional can help your family navigate the emotions and complexities that come with such a situation. It can also provide a safe space for your children to express themselves and for you and your husband to gain guidance on how to support them.

I'm also touched by the thoughtful way you changed the middle names of your adopted daughters. It's a beautiful gesture of love and commitment. It's essential to continue nurturing these bonds and reinforcing the sense of family, especially when dealing with the challenges of blended families.

In your own relationship with your husband, it's clear that trust played a significant role in your journey together. The fact that you both made the decision to marry shortly after his divorce shows the strength of your connection. Keep nurturing that trust, and don't hesitate to lean on each other for support.

Your situation is undoubtedly unique, and it's essential to approach it with empathy, love, and an open heart. Continue being the supportive mother you've proven to be over the years, and let your children know that you'll always be there for them, no matter what.

Remember, life can be complicated, and it doesn't always follow the conventional path. But what matters most is the love and support we offer to those we care about. You've got this, and your family is lucky to have you.

[Anthonia]

It sounds like you've been through quite the journey, and it's admirable how you've embraced this blended family. I can imagine the emotional rollercoaster that comes with the territory, especially when it involves your husband's ex-wife and her troubled past. So, let's unpack it all and see if I can offer some advice.

First of all, kudos to you for legally adopting your three stepchildren. It's clear that you've taken on this role with love and responsibility. That couldn't have been an easy decision to make, and I respect your dedication to your family.

Now, about the name changes, I understand that you wanted to create a sense of unity within the family, and it's beautiful that you've integrated your own name and your sister's into the children's lives. It's a symbol of the love you've given them, but I can sense some underlying tension related to your husband's ex-wife.

It's been seven years since she was released from prison, and I can imagine that her presence may be a cause of anxiety. It's essential to keep in mind that people can change, and she might be striving to be a better person now. The most important thing is the well-being of your children. Have you considered opening a dialogue with her to ensure that they have a connection with their birth mother, should they wish?

It might be worth having a family meeting to discuss the situation openly and honestly. Encourage your children to express their feelings and desires regarding their relationship with their birth mother. Remember, your role is not to replace her but to support your kids in having a healthy and balanced relationship with both you and her.

Also, consider family counseling or therapy if things get too overwhelming. Professionals can provide guidance and support in navigating these complex family dynamics.

It's clear you've got a big heart, and it's important to maintain the love and stability in your family. Keep the lines of communication open, be patient, and flexible. While the road ahead may be bumpy, remember that you're not alone, and there are resources and people who can help you navigate this complex journey.

It's vital to acknowledge your children's feelings and allow them to have a say in their relationship with their birth mother. Keep the lines of communication open, and consider professional help if needed. And always remember, you're doing your best to provide a loving and nurturing environment for your family. Keep that love and understanding at the core of your journey, and you'll find your way through the challenges that may arise.