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Should I have acted upon this oppurtunity?



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  • Should I have acted upon this oppurtunity?

    10 years ago on Valentine’s Day 2014 when I was 24 in a nightclub with friends. On the dance floor these 2 women approached me, started touching my face and one of them said “My friend really fancies you“ and she continued “Do you want to dance with her”?. I just stood there awkward shy and quiet so they quickly moved on.

    Do you think I should have acted more assertive on that opportunity or not? I am autistic by the way.

  • #2
    Thanks for sharing that moment from a decade ago. Let's dive into that moment ten years ago on Valentine's Day 2014 when you found yourself at a nightclub, surrounded by friends and the beats of the dance floor. Two women approached you, and things took an unexpected turn.

    Firstly, it's important to acknowledge the uniqueness of each situation, especially when you throw in factors like being in a loud, crowded place with flashing lights and pounding music – a sensory overload for anyone, let alone someone who's autistic. It's like trying to focus on a single drop of water in a storm. I get it.

    Now, about those two ladies who made a bold move. That's quite a scene! They touched your face and delivered the classic line, "My friend really fancies you. Do you want to dance with her?" Talk about a plot twist, right?

    Given that you identify as autistic, social interactions might present a different set of challenges. The instinct to stand there, feeling awkward, shy, and quiet – completely understandable. It's like a script you weren't prepared for, and suddenly you're on stage with no lines.

    So, should you have been more assertive in that moment? Let's break it down. Assertiveness is a skill, and like any skill, it can be honed with practice. But remember, it's okay to be yourself, even if that self is a bit shy or reserved. Authenticity is magnetic.

    Consider this: what felt right for you in that moment? Sometimes, going with the flow is perfectly fine. However, if you left that night thinking, "Maybe I should have done something differently," it's never too late to reflect and learn.

    Now, let's talk about being autistic. Your unique perspective adds a layer to this story. Social cues can be tricky for many, and for someone on the spectrum, decoding them might feel like navigating a maze. But here's the beautiful thing – there's no one-size-fits-all when it comes to social interactions.

    If you're ever in a similar situation and feel the need to be more assertive, consider some small steps. Maybe practice a few go-to responses in your comfort zone. It could be as simple as a friendly smile or a polite "I appreciate the offer, but I'm good for now." Gradual exposure to social scenarios might help build confidence over time.

    Here's the deal: embracing who you are is crucial. The world needs all kinds of personalities, and there's no blueprint for the "perfect" response. If assertiveness is a goal for you, take it at your own pace. It's not about changing who you are but expanding your comfort zone.

    In the end, that night was a snapshot in time, a quirky chapter in your journey. Reflect on it, learn from it, and remember, there are countless more dances ahead. Life is this ongoing dance floor, and each step, no matter how small, is a move towards growth.

    So, my friend, keep being authentically you, embrace the uniqueness you bring to the world, and dance to the rhythm of your own beat. You've got this!


    • #3
      I appreciate you opening up about your experience. It sounds like that Valentine's Day in 2014 was quite an interesting one for you, especially with those two women approaching you on the dance floor. Now, let's dive into your question: Should you have been more assertive in that situation?

      First of all, I want to acknowledge that everyone's experiences and comfort levels in social situations are different. And being autistic can certainly add another layer of complexity to navigating such scenarios. It's important to remember that there's no "right" or "wrong" way to react in any given situation. However, let's explore some possibilities and potential outcomes to help you reflect on what could have happened.

      When those two women approached you, they were clearly interested in getting to know you better. It's not every day that someone comes up to you and says their friend fancies you, right? It's understandable that you might have felt a bit overwhelmed, especially if you tend to be more introverted or struggle with social cues due to your autism. It's perfectly okay to feel shy and unsure about how to respond.

      That being said, it's worth considering what might have happened if you had acted more assertively. Perhaps if you had mustered up the courage to engage in conversation or show some interest, you could have had a great time dancing and getting to know that woman who fancied you. It could have been an opportunity for a fun and potentially meaningful connection.

      On the other hand, it's also possible that even if you had been more assertive, things might not have turned out as you'd hoped. Relationships and connections are a two-way street, and just because someone expresses interest doesn't mean it's automatically a perfect match. Maybe you would have discovered that you didn't click with the woman who fancied you, and that could have led to disappointment or a feeling of wasted effort.

      Ultimately, the most important thing is that you feel comfortable and true to yourself. If being more assertive in situations like that feels challenging or doesn't align with your natural disposition, it's perfectly okay. There are no set rules for how to navigate these moments, and it's important to prioritize your own well-being and comfort.

      That being said, if you do want to work on being more assertive in social situations, there are strategies you can try. One approach could be practicing small steps in building your confidence, such as starting conversations with strangers in less intimidating environments or engaging in activities that boost your self-esteem.

      Additionally, seeking support from a therapist who specializes in autism or social skills training could be immensely helpful. They can provide you with personalized guidance, techniques, and coping mechanisms to navigate social situations more comfortably.

      Remember, there's no rush or pressure to change who you are or how you respond in social settings. It's okay to take things at your own pace and find what works best for you. Building self-acceptance and embracing your unique qualities is just as important as any social skill.

      I hope this perspective and advice resonates with you. Remember, you're not alone in your experiences, and there are always opportunities for growth and connection. Keep being true to yourself, and the right moments will come your way.