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I am way too anxious and awkward... HELP!

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MillionaireMatch

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  • I am way too anxious and awkward... HELP!

    Hey guys, I don’t really know where or who to ask this so I thought maybe I’ll get peoples opinion on this…
    I work at a cafe in a mall, as a cashier during the weekends. I take orders and then send the customers to the side for them to pick up their order. I don't have much time to really converse with the customers. Anyways, there is this girl I've seen quite a bit, who comes in as a regular customer. She works in the mall as well; to my knowledge it seems that she works in two different jobs at the mall. I really want to talk to her and possibly become more than just friends. However, I get super anxious/nervous, I can't even look at her in the eyes properly, my breathing become short breaths, I become tense, my voice becomes super quiet and I just want to run away! I am not really a social person, I talk to a psychotherapist about this and she told me that I have social anxiety. Oh, one thing I guess I should mention is that I have depression and I am taking medication. I always fantasize about this "dream girlfriend" who I spend time with, and I just feel so down when I think about how I will never find anyone and how other people in relationships are doing. Anyways, back to the girl, I've told myself countless times throughout the weekdays that I will talk to her once and for all. When it is time to take her order, I become nervous and puss out. I make excuses for myself saying, "Oh, she came in with a friend today, I can't really have a nice conversation to get to know her." or "Oh, I don't want her to feel awkward around me and scare her away, so I won't say anything." Or “She is out of my league.” To be honest, I think about this girl a lot, and I know I shouldn't! Sometimes, even I get annoyed by it because it distracts me from doing things. I am not as athletic or built as some guys. I don’t consider myself to be good looking. I don’t really socialize much and I feel like people won’t be able to connect with me since my interests may seem weird (I play a lot of games, watch shows and listen to non mainstream music). I don’t know… I just want to be able to talk to her. I think the reason why I am being held back is that I am afraid of being rejected and dealing with that emotional pain afterwards. Then I will have the thought that no one would love me. How can I talk to this girl with confidence, and ask her out?
    Sincerely,
    Lover Boy
    PS: I am 21 and the girl I am interested in is 1 or 2 years older than me…. If that makes a difference….

  • #2
    Some updates for you guys about this scenerio:
    1. One of my coworkers who knows I like this girl decides to go up to her, asks for her name and then he tells her someone in the store wanted to know your name.... She smiled and didn't say anything.
    2. The same idiot coworker, asks her if she has an idea who might want to know her in the store.... She replied with no.
    3. I went to her store to try and talk to her, but the store was crowded with people and I felt uncomfortable and then I just bought something from her and left.
    4. Recently, every time I serve a customer at my cash register, and I see her in line, I would glance at her and she would notice and look away and I feel like she is either annoyed or thinks I'm creepy...
    5. I notice that when she comes in with her friend, she seems to whisper something to her friend and I feel like they are teasing me or something.... or perhaps saying something like "Hey that's the creepy guy over there."

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    • #3
      Today is the day you stop letting your shyness interfere with your dating life. Instead of letting your shyness become a huge hindrance to what could be the greatest dates of your life, turn the situation around by overcoming your inhibitions completely using the following tips from the world's best seducers.

      3 Tips to Overcoming Shyness Around Women

      1. Show interest by asking questions.

      Prodding your girl to talk more about herself will open up several hundred windows of opportunity to get to know her better. Encourage her to tell you stories. As you listen closely to how she relates her personal experiences, you will get to know her better. Lead the conversation by giving her topics to talk about. To make it easier for you, prepare a mental list of 'common questions' you can ask your girl during a date or during the first meeting. As you become an expert in conversing with women, your confidence will naturally improve.

      2. Smile.

      It's amazing how changing your facial expression can change your mood easily. Practice smiling in front of the mirror to effectively synchronize your words with the appropriate facial expression. Some guys say their greetings without smiling, and that comes off as downright creepy to women.

      3. Stop looking around.

      Concentrate on your date and what she has to say. Don't disrespect her by ogling other girls while you're talking to her. Also, avoid talking about other women while you're deep in conversation with a girl. She's your potential date, not your buddy or your gal pal. Maintaining eye contact and observe how she reacts to your words.

      Now comes the bonus tip that will KILL your shyness once and for all...

      When you talk to a woman, get her go through an 'emotional rollercoaster' - by alternating between sad and happy states - and she will find herself get hopelessly attracted to you. It's really not as difficult as it sounds. Borrowed from the field of psychology and hypnosis, it is known to be one of the most effective (and amoral!) way to get women attracted to men.

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      • #4
        In my days of growing up, you had to be relaxed and sure of yourself, and know how to talk to women, if you wanted to go out with your friends and meet people every weekend. Remembering back to my junior high school years, I hung around the neighborhood with many more girls than boys and they were all my closest and best friends. I felt comfortable around the and I never had to think what my next words would be or what thought coming from my mind would be. We all cared for each other, but did I ever want to date them? Of course. Was I able to tell them how i felt? We didn't have to back in the 70's and the same goes for today. If you feel comfortable as a friend with any women, that friendship can turn intimate, but only with the right words. Words that so many men don't know or are afraid to say. It's that simple. So, before I could gain the courage to ask, they would meet someone new and we would just remain friends as always, and even talk about their relationships. I was never satisfied with this, but what could I do... I was shy!

        Sometimes I was lucky enough to be introduced to another girlfriend of theirs, and I felt like Superman, because I was strong and at ease with everyone in the group, but put me in that same situation alone with this new acquaintance, and I would get real quiet and not know what to say. I was speechless and sometime at a loss of simple daily words.

        Getting into my high school years, things got worse. It was the 70's. I had long hair, the Beatles were in, and all of us would hang at my moms place to play music, practice our band routine or just hang out. Our band practice attracted a lot of young women who liked our music and wanted to be a part of us, just to hang with us and many of them were looking for boyfriends in the band. I was never the lucky one in the band. Everyone would pair up and do something different and I would be stuck with someone I didn't even want to be with. Why? Because I was afraid to speak and start a conversation. The shy one, they would call me. Some women like shy men, but not the majority.

        When a man is in his late teens and early 20's, there are many chances to date, go dancing, join groups and be accepted into clubs, if he wanted to be cool. You were never at home and you knew who had the most women at their house, it was always the band guys and there were always girls there, so a man that wasn't outspoken would get left behind real fast.

        Around 1973 after graduating high school, I decided that I needed to do something about my shyness and inability to get or even hold an unknown woman's attention. Don't get me wrong... I had many women friends and they all liked my company, but when it came time to go on dates, I was never fast enough, and whoever I was interested in, would be picked up by a good friend of mine, and this hurt, but what was I to do?

        I finally took a class that was held at the local church. There was a good looking man in his 30's, the James Bond type, who had started a speech class for people with a stuttering problem, who were afraid to talk to anyone. He also taught people wanting to learn to talk in public, and to speak at events. I joined this class and immediately, he made us feel like every woman in this hall, was just waiting to see what what we had to say. I can remember his face today, as every morning at class, he would start calling people up to the stage to practice. The men had to pick one girl from around fifty in class and it could not be someone you knew. You would start to carry on a conversation and if he didn't like what he was hearing, he would stop you and everyone would get to analyze you. It was very scary and embarrassing, but after three weeks, I was speaking to this group and I felt like I knew everyone personally, and had been speaking for years. I was finally comfortable.

        He taught us to feel comfortable in any situation and made it easy to be at ease while transitioning any normal conversation into something romantic and sexual. Classes were not theory-focused. These concepts were inherently natural and they were proven to work for centuries and should be intuitive to human beings. He taught us research that went back hundreds of years and made us practice with each other until we felt like Casanova. Even my best friend, who was terribly shy and could not even face a woman unless he was into his third drink, suddenly would go up to women on the dance floor and ask them to dance. The class was amazing.

        Some very crucial points for us to learn and remember were:

        Human expression is built into every one of us. Humans are social by nature, and we thrive on the ability to meet new people and to mutually benefit from knowing each other closely and intimately.

        We have to learn be more assertive in our conversations. How to make our conversations be more interesting and stand out. How to engage everyone we see on a daily basis, into some small conversation, whether it be at the gym, the coffee shop or even at public event. You have to open up and try to explore other peoples thoughts and decide that you want to really talk to women, not all women, but the ones that are of interest to you. Women want men to talk to them.

        All humans were meant to be spoken to. Women want to hear romantic stories, thoughts and words, so that we had to get closer to the ones that we sought out. We were also taught how to use these self-expression techniques to expand the social circle in a more dramatic fashion. All in all, we all studied, we learned, we practiced with each other, and we couldn't wait until the weekend to try our new found skills on real live women, who we would meet in our weekend excursions.Most of us learned to actually talk to women in public, just to be nice and cheerful.

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        • #5
          There are a lot of mistakes men make with beautiful women. They're probably the same mistakes they make with less beautiful women, too.

          But the biggest mistake that most men make specifically with drop-dead gorgeous women, is to think that they know how incredibly attractive they are.

          Many of these 'super-model look-alikes' don't know they're beautiful. Not deep down. And the really spectacular ones are often the girls who get very few dates.

          Why? Because guys are terrified of them. They consider these girls way out of their league and don't want to set themselves up for failure.

          A woman measures her attractiveness by her ability to attract men to her, not what she sees in the mirror. If men aren't coming to her, she often will interpret that to mean she's ugly. Seriously. She will look in the mirror and see a neck that's too long (like Audrey Hepburn did), eyes too close together, a slightly crocked front tooth. And she'll blow it out of all proportion. And her jealous, so called girl-friends, will often encourage her negative thinking.

          She may also have another vulnerable spot. She may think that her looks are the only thing she has going for her. And because she was born looking like this, and it didn't require some amazing vein of character or talent to get that way, she sees it as insignificant.

          The men who do approach her often reinforce this idea. Because the guys who do go after her are often over-confident jerks, they usually treat her badly. They put her down to build themselves up. So she gets the message that she's treated badly because she's either not really beautiful, worthy, or lacks lovability.

          That's why a shy guy like you, who can get up the nerve to approach this woman and tell her why he finds her gorgeous, is going to be more successful with her than your possibly better looking, more confident friend.

          Because your friend is making that BIG mistake. And he's keeping his distance from her because he doesn't know what's really going on in her head.

          By the way, this doesn't apply to normally attractive women. They usually have much better self-esteem than their impossibly gorgeous friends.

          Because guys feel safer in approaching these women, more of them do. This pushes them higher up the 'attraction ranking'. These women are much harder to get to, if you're just average. Or haven't got that certain something that separates you from the pack.

          So next time you see an incredible looking woman on her own, don't assume she's waiting for Ashton Whoever to walk in the door. Approach this woman, you might be surprised what kind of reaction you get.

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          • #6
            The thing is that you feel inferior, get it of your mind, and take the step.

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            • #7
              Social phobia or can say social anxiety often leads to a behavior characterized by avoidance, making everyday life difficult to handle. Same is the problem with you. One should not take this problem of social anxiety lightly. This problem can be solved by taking effective measures. A psychic can tell you why are facing this situation, why are not able to confront that girl, the answers to your questions you can find by consulting some psychic for your help.

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              • #8
                You're not going to accomplish anything until you beat the social awkwardness demon. Make yourself "complete",...then you share your completeness with each other. Don't expect someone else to "complete" you,...that is just Hollywood movie non-sense.

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