Felling lost and alone

[Aloneinmymarriage]

Hi I'm new I've been looking for some advice I've been with my husband 13years married almost 4 we have 3 children lately I've felt alone in are marriage I've told him how I feel but he says he doesn't see a problem, sex is almost none existent anymore we don't really sleep in same bed as I have sleep apnea and keep him awake with my snoring, tonight all 3 kids are out and he's gone out with his friend kinda miffed as it's very very rare we don't have the children I work odd hours as I'm a carer and he has normal times so sometimes we don't have much time together, he cristises me about my weight moans about when we go out and I don't make effort with make up honestly I don't put it on often everytime I try to initiate sex he's tired or some poor excuse I've tried spicing things up bought toys costumes lingerie etc nothing he says he loves me but I'm sat at home alone whilst he's out with his friend fixing his new 4x4 up I feel like saying I've had enough let's go are separating ways but I love him and I don't know what else to do no matter what I say to him he doesn't listen or take it in any advice would be helpful

[Vivian]

Firstly a sexless marriage is not a symptom of lack of sexual attraction, putting on a few extra pounds does not diminish the emotive and physical intimacy and attraction you once felt for each other exclusively. These are usually just symptoms of a deeper issue or issues in a relationship that is frequently caused by a lack of communication and a lack of understanding that can get so bad it can play a part in ending a relationship though lack of sex and eventually the connection we call love that is enhanced by this intimacy.

Finding out the root causes of these things can be difficult when dealing with men because of their general reluctance to talk of their feelings and open up about their problems and secrets. A certain amount of patience and understanding must be kept despite your frustrations to delve into his emotive state that will drive his physical desires just as they do for women. The best bit of sexless marriage advice you can receive is that NO relationships is the same and your case while similar to others is unique and requires your own touch to fix it, the other bit of advice is to be careful when taking an active hand in trying to solve this relationship problem because the wrong approach can drive your husband further away rather than closer!

[Roy]

There are many reasons that a husband will stop spending time with his wife. Sometimes it's as simple as him wanting to just be alone. Many men are just that way, they like to have their alone time. I'm that way, and without my time alone I go crazy and simply have to get away. Heck you may even be that way and aren't recognizing that your husband feels the same. Maybe you need to ask.

Then again it could be something much more than that. It could be something much more dangerous to your marriage. Often times a husband will retreat and spend more time alone when he feels like he's constantly being criticized by his wife. When he feels like spending time with you is a no win situation then he'll certainly retreat and basically block you out as much as possible.

This happens a lot in marriage and it certainly becomes a huge problem.

What Happened to My Good Friend...

One of my really good friends was in a marriage where his wife genuinely did nothing but complain. This wasn't hearsay, I actually witnessed it.

No matter what he did his wife had something to say about it. She was controlling and wanted to control his every move. If he was eating she scrutinized how much, how big his bites were. When he watched television she told him that he watched stupid shows or that he was only watching because there were pretty girl on the show.

When they did try to go out she would make his life miserable by accusing him of flirting or looking at every woman in the place when what he was actually trying to do was avert his eyes from anything that would make her nag and complain about him.

It was a pretty miserable existence for him, and finally the marriage ended in divorce. It was sad but since she was unwilling to change this was a rare case when I thought divorce was the best option.

There are various reasons that a husband will spend less and less time with his wife. It could be as innocence as trying to get some alone time to refuel, or it could be retreating from conflict. If it's the latter then you've got some work to do. But the secret is taking action and not just hoping your marriage gets better.

[Aloneinmymarriage]

We both like alone time I don't mind that I like to sit and watch box sets when I have chance but just seem a he likes to go spend time fixing his truck than with me I try not to nag so when he goes like last weekend he was gone 8am-6pm I didn't ring or text him I left him to do his own thing but seems he's down there now at every opportunity he tells me I work too much nights and we don't spend time together but when I'm off he's off fixing his truck I don't judge him on anything, he was diagnosed with anxiety and says it takes his mind off the chest pain he gets but he's sure it's not anxiety so it's been hard when he has an anxiety attack he's sure he's going to die and I've tried everything I've read up on it to try and help but nothing has worked we talked last night and he said he does love me and wants to spend time with me but he also loves fixing his truck and doesn't have time to do it whilst I'm at work as he has the kids but gotta pay the bills and it's hard getting average hour job when you have kids to get to school, I still feel abit unsure about what he wants I told him I don't mind him going to sort his truck but even if just 1 evening a week we allocate just for us then be nice