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Why am I not worth it?

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MillionaireMatch

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  • Why am I not worth it?

    Hello everybody and thanks for giving your time in whatever regard you gave it...

    There's more i'd like to say but I'll try to make this brief because i could really use somebody to comment and maybe help me feel like... just any opinions are welcome, thanks.


    I have a good paying typical office job that we could live off of alone if we so choose (it's 60K per year)...nothing spectacular but still good enough (i think). have a house, 2 cars that are paid off and a dog and wife i love more than anything i could ever love. I've been married to my wife for 7 years. We're now seeing a therapist because, after my wife recently saying she wanted a divorce, i was able to convince her to see one with me first. Which, has been the only thing in our 7 years of marriage i was able to convince her to do. I'm not being dramatic, it really, is the only thing. We don't have children. My wife and i both have said the other has narcissistic personality disorder. And the therapist we see has ruled me out but suggested individual sessions with my wife to explore this further with her. There is nothing i won't do for my wife and there is nothing my wife will do for me. She makes dinner each night out of routine but that's all. I don't care about her doing anything like that anyway, it's doens't mean anything to me and i think marriage isn't about that stuff. I think it's about each person living for their spouse and making them happy. Because, i think, when you get married, you give up yourself for the other person in a way. I'm not saying that you don't do things for yourself. Not that at all. I just feel that you have an obligation in a way to take care of your spouse that is a show of love, more than anything else. If you were to ask me "what would you do for your wife", i could genuinely say "anything". If you asked her the same, she would probably smirk, and say "i don't know". Then give her a few scenarios and she's just say "well, i'd do this this and that if they happened on Monday when i was free or Wednesday and fell in line with my other plans". From our sex lives, all the way through our lifelong dreams and theories of the afterlife...it's because very apparent to me that, we're just different. For example. We've have some land behind our house and over the past year or so i've been working down there because i wanted to get a deer and let my dad show me how to properly butcher it. One thing led to another and i ended up making a zip line. I've been wanting to show my wife but she'll never go because i did this at a time she felt i was doing it to "be away from her". But she also says that about the times i, redid a boat and sold it for 11K profit, remodeled our: bathroom, shed, garage, kitchen, dining room, bathroom, game room and landscaping around the house. These things needed done so i killed myself to do them and asked for her help all of the time. When she'd comment "but like, i don't know what to do" i'd say "just be around", all i wanted was her to be around. I'd do anything for her in bed and do. She wont' even give me a half-hearted hand job on my best day and don't mention oral sex, that'll get you shot. I'll work a 15 hour day, come home and just start working on things that need done or as of late (sadly, life and lies have contributed to me not beign the best in this area as i'd like) ask her to go for a walk, go out, or just do something, her and I.

    Sorry, back to the zipline point i was trying to make. I really want to show her what i made (a lot, if you could see it, you'd understand, was with her in mind) but she won't go and see it because the time spent to do it was me just workign on it to avoid her. that's what she says. but it never was. I never thought about getting away from her for any reason, it was the exact opposite but okay. her stubbornness/selfishness is so strong that she said that she'd want a divorce before going to see the zipline because the "emotions that would be brought up would be so hard for her to take knowing that this was made during a time that she believes i was working on it just to be away from her".

    I've never taken a stand with her in my life, she gets her way, all of the time every time...except for this time. I put my foot down and pretty much said "this stupid thing means a lot to me and i'd like to show you" so no. Which then lead to her saying that It basically comes down to this. Either I never bring up the zipline thing again and get rid of all evidence it ever existed, erase it completely from my memory and move on. OR, get a divorce. If she doesn't get her way in this regard, she'll divorce me. Are all women like this? I've been with more than my share, sexually speaking as well as those i've had longer relationships with but i'm lost. I literally wake up and eat drink and breathe this lady but she lies to me, talks shit on me to her best friend, has told her parents things I've said after we've been arguing and were mad at each other. Which is the worst i've ever done, was called her names, that i'm embarrassed by and never should have. She has basically bankrupted us, had our house foreclosed on, and maxed out everything we have...all the while buying items of vanity for herself. I just cant' believe that a woman can see that somebody has given up everything for her, will do anything for her, loves her unconditionally and then just push em aside like she got what she wanted and now wants to move on. Will it always be like this or are there women who will care to make sure their husband is happy? Sorry, that sounded bad. Will it always be like this or are there women who will actually care about their husbands wants, needs, desires or care about what bothers him?

    I guess what i'm really trying to ask in this rambling mess is...is my wife saying she'll chose to divorce me if the other option is for me to show her something i that means a lot to me and was made with no i'll intent, justified for her? I just always though that if you give somebody your everything they will do so for you and i'm really just sad i guess. I thought i meant more to her than some stupid zipline and feel like i was used by her. Just wonder why she can pick divorce over something that actually means a lot to me. Why do people do these things? i'm just curios because i'd do anything for her, i really love her but how is it she can so easily choose to get rid of me as opposed to simply seeing what i made? I just really would like somebody to help me understand what's wrong with me? Please, i know i sound pathetic, i know this, i really don't need to hear that right now so please try avoiding kicking me while i'm down.
    Last edited by ChosenLast; 11-12-2018, 02:20 AM.

  • #2
    In my opinion, women wants so much attention from their man. Therefore, she felt that you gave the attention you would have given to her to a zipline. I'll advice you allow things to cool down, and you can convince her to see it when she's in a better mood. Like the saying time heals all wound, so give her time to get over this issue.

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    • #3
      I want to briefly touch on one point before I offer some advice on rebuilding the emotional bridge with your spouse. Some wives become lazy once they marry. That's not to suggest that this is what is occurring with your wife. You know her better than anyone so it's obvious that you'd be the first to suspect if she just stopped working on your marriage because she felt so safe and secure in it. If she's giving off signals that she doesn't care for you as deeply as he once did, it's not a case of laziness at all. I just thought it necessary to point that out because it's possible for a man to overreact about what is happening within his marriage when it's just a case of his wife not trying because she thinks she's already captured his heart.

      Now onto what you can do to not only save your marriage but methods you can use to build it into a stronger and more satisfying union for you both. Your wife may have stopped putting the effort needed into making the marriage work because she's feeling emotionally neglected by you. This can happen in marriages that are a few months old or sometimes it takes years for a woman to allow these feelings to impact her interactions with her husband. Women are sensitive beings and we need tenderness, love and devotion in order to feel valued by our spouse. I'm the first to admit that life can be incredibly busy and as such a person's primary relationship can begin to fall by the emotional wayside because of this. Have you been as attentive as you used to be to your wife? Do you actually listen when she speaks with you about what is going on with her or her feelings? If you've taken her for granted, she's going to stop trying at some point. It's truly that simple.

      You're going to have to throw caution to the wind here and romance your wife again. I know you probably thought those days were far behind you but your marriage is struggling and it's up to you to find a way to pull it back from the brink of despair. Begin by telling your wife how you feel. Be clear about how much you really do love her. Women love hearing that their husbands would marry them again tomorrow. We tend to lose a bit of our self confidence when we are married to the same man for a time. You can bolster your wife's by commenting on her appearance, writing her love letters and reaching for her hand so you can hold it in yours sometimes.

      Communication has to take center stage if your wife has become disinterested in working on the relationship. She may not be ready to talk about the problems you two are facing when you are, but don't let that deter you. Make it clear to her that you're available to talk whenever she is and you understand the gravity of what's going on in your marriage. If you show her that you are taking this seriously, that will help her understand that you want to play a role in fixing what needs to be repaired. An attentive husband who is invested in making the marriage work is a powerful force to deal with. Let your wife see that you believe the marriage and her are worth fighting for and you're prepared to go into battle to keep what you love.

      Comment


      • #4
        Dear whoever it may concern,
        I am about to metaphorically take you on an adventure of a lifetime.

        What I am about to share is a priceless gift that no money can buy and those of you who can relate to this gift will be uplifted as much as you allow yourself to accept this liberating discovery.Metaphorically it is a pearl inside an oyster shell.Just like in real life if you don't know about pearls in oyster shells you won't know if it is one of great value.The experts do.

        I believe this is a pearl of insight that has transformed my own fulfilment in myself unimaginably through all the dark oceans and deep valleys of disappointment, uncertainty, fear and rejection, betrayal and loss .For all the bad I wouldn't trade or exchange this pearl for what I am about to share.

        First I would like to commend this person for both opening his heart and for his choice to love unconditionally.
        I can see that you have an amazing mindset to love your wife unconditionally.That is true love as it is not based on a feeling or how she responds.
        wow awesome!

        The truth is whether you are an elite athlete wanting to win a gold medal or whether you want to win by saving your marriage it is not healthy far from it to link the outcomes and results to your own self value.

        Just as Athletes have to separate their performance and career from their self value for who they are.

        Your wife may put a lot of her self value on her outcomes and performance.
        This means when things don't go her way she feels a low self value as she hasn't separated the two.

        We perform and discover the best of who we are not to increase our self value but an expression of who we are made to be in body fitness, mental fitness,spiritual fitness from a foundation of loving ourselves for who we are.

        Life and Outcomes are full of uncertainty.
        Every champion has a bad day and loses.
        Sometimes it is a season sometimes it is so bad it ends in retirement. 60% of marriages end in divorce in some pro sports relationships after they retire because when they retire their self value goes right down and sometimes the spouse doesnt have the same value of them because they aren't the athlete anymore.
        It is the same in relationships with partners, office peers,clients ,audiences sometimes there is an off day and if our self value is based on the outcome we will self sabotage rather than maturely what could I do differently?However our self value is stable and stays the same.
        If you make a mistake that has big consequences you again don't allow the event to mould your self value.
        You can have an acknowledgement for that ws a bad choice and evaluate the foolishness of the choice.Take the consequences and then learn to make better choices for next time.
        However again the self value is consistent and stable because it is not linked to performance.Performance
        Is discovering your Potential in body soul and spirit including character, talents and relationships.

        A metaphor for pain
        Water needs an outlet and so does emotional pain.
        When outcomes don't go as we would like we could feel rejected so we might withdraw or be unkind to someone in our tone of voice or exchanging unkind words.Some will cover the pain with laughter or being the comedian.Some will bulley.Some will withdraw or ignore people.
        When an unfavourable outcome is linked to acceptance approval appreciation and security it will make us feel --------

        Fulfilment for Long term wellbeing

        Self value not based on performance and outcomes can endure all tolerance of uncertainty and self value in itself can and should be a treasure that you embrace accept and cherish and guard against anyone stealing from you.

        You can celebrate who you are if you haven't recognised yet your true priceless self value is in who you are and metaphorically passing a rugby ball or football to the next person facilitating awareness that they are valuable too that is completely separate from judging their performances.

        Consequences are related to performance and choices whether good or bad but self value is
        -----------

        a separate thing altogether!






        Comment


        • #5
          According to the Daily Mail 12th March 2014 33% of footballers ended in divorce within a year of retirement.
          Just to be clear I am making assumptions every relationship is private and confidential and can end for a number of reasons.
          My comments above say sometimes which could be better described as possibly
          Many thanks for your understanding

          60 % of Marriages in some pro sports I need to get the reference but 60-80 % of marriages end in divorce with Pro sports according to New York Times cited by Forbes Aug 15th 2014

          Therefore if their self value was separate from their performance and self worth as an athlete what difference could it have on their life outside of competing?

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          • #6
            Pro sports meaning pro Athletes.

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            • #7
              I also like what Judith shares
              A real gift of advice
              Thank you!

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