Am I a Crazy Jealous Person?

[Senyo]

Hello, I am new in this forum. Actually I made an account just to post this question. I am married for almost three years now. We have a 2 years old boy. I am from Bali, husband from Europe. I am a pharmacist and husband is an engineer. We met and now make a living in Bali. So sorry If I made mistake, English is my third language.

When we were new into marriage, my husband was still active on his online dating apps. At one time, I read his chat (Yes I snooped on him. Because I had a hunch). He had been talking to a new friend on Wechat for few days. An Indonesian girl who had just breakup with her German Guy. My husband expressed interest to have a lunch with her in a big mall in Kuta.

I told him that I felt uncomfortable with that. He was very angry that I checked on his phone. We had a huge fight. He said thaBut that he is just bored. But then he stopped using all his online dating stuff. There are also several issues after about his ex girlfriends which causing us to fight.

He actually never cheat on me. But he likes to check on their page, looking at their photos and chat with them.
Now my husband never contact again anyone of his past or any women not related to his work because he is afraid that this will give him problem with me.

Tonight, I happened to talk again about the wechat girl and my husband was angry again. He said that he does not want me to control his life. He has a right to see any girl he wants, to have a meal with any girl he wants. That is not my business at all and I don't need to know.

So.. That is my question. Am I a crazy jealous person?
Feel free to ask details about our relationship.
Thank you very much and please don't be mean

[bunnyhabit]

if he is married he absolutely does not have the right to see any girl he wants or eat with any girl he wants that is because he is married to one woman - YOU.

have you sensed any changes during sex with him? frequency, duration, position, intensity, variations? do you have any taboos that he likes?

He should only speak casually with other women about work activities or life in general nothing personal.

he is the problem not you. from his anger i sense he is already cheating on you.

[Senyo]

I wanted to add that I am 28 years old now and my husband is 35.

My husband is my first boyfriend and sexual partner. I would say that our sexual relationship have changed since I fell pregnant. And now with the baby around and work pressure for both of us, most of the time he does not feel like doing it.
At first I still made effort, but he said that I 'abused' him. It hurt me alot and I stopped. Now we only do it when he wants it.

I know that he feels like he never cheats on me. That is why he is angry because he feels like I accuse him when actually nothing physical ever happened. But I feel insecure because I don't know what is in his head. Let me explain why I start to feel this way.

One of the problem with the ex GF that I mentioned before was this. When I snooped on his phone I also found out that 2 weeks prior to our wedding, my husband chatted with his ex on FB. His ex was also Indonesian. At first it was innocent. He was just saying happy birthday to her, asked her news etc. But then out of nowhere he wrote to her that unfortunately there is not a day when her face is not coming to his head. He wrote in details about all the nice moment that he spend together with her. And he told her that his love for me is different than his love for her but I make him happy.

I was totally crushed when I read that. And I became paranoid, I snooped whenever I can. And this chat has become the source of our fight so many times.

I talked to mu husband about it. He said that this ex left him abruptly, right when he was still crazily in love with her, without any reason at all. She made him happy like noone else before. They had long distance relationship. My husband lives in Bali, she lived in Java. I think they were together less than one year. When she started to drift away from him he offered her engagement ring and asked her to marry him because he was affraid of loosing her. She accepted the engagement but refused to live together with him in Bali. In the end He was tired running after her so he broke it up. He was just still curious why and wanted to know if he made a mistake so he will not make the same mistake with me.

He did asked about that in the chat. And the ex answered that the real reason was she did not feel like my husband love his son. He seems to accept her answer.

what make his love different for me is that he does not love me as crazy as he was for her. But for him it is better this way. It is more stable for him Because with the way he loves before, it really crushes him when it was ended.

[Sandra]

You aren't a crazy jealous person, you are his wife and you have the right to know whatever he does. However, you are wrong in this one by bringing up a forgotten issue. You shouldn't have brought up the WeChat girl issue since it's past, and you both have dealt with and resolved the issue.

So, I will advice you apologize to him but don't overdo it, just tell him that you are sorry and that's it.

[John]

He said these things to you because he's angry, and that is because you brought up an issue that has been resolved. So, learn to forgive and forget, and you will have a blissful marriage.

[bunnyhabit]

you may opt to apologize, but let him clearly understand that you are expecting to be the only lover in his future

[Senyo]

Thank you all for your input. I really appreciate it. I said sorry of course. Now move on to how to fix the damage.

@bunny habit. No I can not expect that. He still has feeling for his pasts. And I am not his everything

[TheDarkOne]

He has no respect for you and you will forever now be wondering if he's cheating. I think the damage has been done. If he truly loved you as his wife, nobody else would matter.

[Pink Flamingo]

Your husband is taking you for a ride. It is NOT ok to see other women. How do you think affairs get started? With little things then they progress. You don't want to be the wife who hears that excuse "it was all innocent at first until...". You have EVERY right to check his phone in my opinion. My wife and I have an open electronics policy - we both are allowed to check and verify anytime we want. That was set in place when I found out my wife was having an emotional affair on FB and friending her old high school boyfriends. If he hasn't already cheated on you he will soon accomplish that.