My wife gives away her stuff that I have bought her - to her sister

[Tommy]

Hello everyone.
I have a question that I would appreciate your thoughts on.
My wife gives away her clothes/bags/shoes/accessories ... that I have bought her - to her sister .

(when she no longer needs them; or needs them and they're worn maybe five times , but she feels like her sister needs something new , and because her husband takes her salary and manages the family finances she is not able to buy clothes for her self, or whatever reason that could be , and I was able to draw the reason for it , from our conversations)

The thing is that, from my salary, all the extra cash that I have, I buy her stuff, not for my self, mostly because I'm a man, lol, don't need that much clothes.
We both pay the bills, whatever money she's left with, it's for her to use it for whatever she likes, and from the money I earn , 1 in 20 times I buy stuff for me, 19 times it's something for the house appliance, or clothes for her.

I don't remember all the things that I've bought to her, but I've noticed some things missing in the house, the above mentioned things.

Yesterday I saw my sister in law wearing the dress I bought to my wife 3 months ago, and a hand bag, maybe a year old (if this info is important here, I don't know..)

I do not have any problem with her giving away things she doesn't wear anymore to anyone, what bothers me is that she's doing that behind my back, I'm not informed about it at all, and I have paid for most of those things myself, from my earned money. I think I just need being told or asked (of course I'd say yes), but I don't think this is okay, and I not feel okay about it.
What are your thoughts?

[Brett]

I think you should discuss this with your wife, let her know you aren't happy with the way she gives out the things you have bought for her without your permission. Talking to her about it and letting her know how you feel will resolve this issue.

[Julia]

I know you probably thinks she doesn't value the things you buy for her, but that's not the case. She just feels she has so much and her sister doesn't have as much as she does, and so she is moved by love to give her. Anyways, if you aren't comfortable with it, let her know you don't like it.

[Malvin]

If your wife is controlling, and is controlling your marriage altogether then it's time that you regained that control. And the best part is that once you do there will be some amazing side benefits with your wife.

She won't be able to control herself and there's a good (and scientific reason why.

I Was Once Also Saying I Need to Take Control of My Marriage

So here's a quick run down of what happened to me.

My wife and I were having serious trouble early on in our marriage. Constant fighting, constant storming out, and stonewalling. Just a miserable time altogether.

We eventually took a course that helped us save our marriage. I thought at that point everything was fine, however new problems started to creep up.

I thought I was doing all the right things. Paying attention to her, making her feel like the queen of the house, and overall pampering her. It worked nicely for a while but quickly after the problem of her being distant and well...indifferent toward me crept up.

Not to mention...after some analyzing I'd done...she was in complete control of the marriage. I was no longer the King of my own castle.

Oddly enough, after much studying of sociology and anthropology to get to the bottom of this problem,I realize that there was a primitive part of her brain that made her unhappy. That part of the brain comes from way back in the cave man days where the cave woman's instinct was to get the cave man who could protect her, give her strong healthy babies, and basically lead her to survival.

Well believe it or not, no matter how hard society tries they can't get that innate trait out of a woman. So right then and there I knew it was time to take control of my marriage. But I wasn't exactly sure how to do it.

I felt like things had gotten so far away from me, that I had become so what's known as betamale that there would be no turning back. The sad fact is that even though a wife actually wants you to be in control of the marriage subconsciously - consciously it's a battle in her mind. This is why a woman will often times do the things that make men give in, and lose control of their marriage.

But the greatest thing is that once I started to take control of my marriage, something changed drastically in my wife. Her feelings toward me, and my more alpha state began to show in surprising ways. She started to act like she did when we first met again. And her attraction toward me was ten fold. This of course was a nice byproduct when it came to bedtime.

The point though is that being anything other than the alpha male in your home will lead your marriage to misery. By not being the great leader that a family needs, you're taking away a huge part of what your family supposed to have.

Now I certainly don't want you to take this the wrong way. Being a leader, being an alpha male, saying that I'm gonna take control of my marriage...doesn't mean that you control your spouse. You control the marriage, but the control you have over your spouse does not come from force at all. It comes from leadership, and great leaders don't need to control with force.

Great leaders and great husbands alike are one in the same. They say I'm going to take control of my marriage and they do it effectively, without ever having to even raise a voice.

[Tommy]

Thank you for the very good reply, Malvin. I believe I once was the alpha male in the relationship, but my wife had a very bad period in her life the past 4-5 years, so that's when I wanted to help her , comfort her and make her days better as much as I could. That's when the presents, the material things, and I didn't mention in the first post, but I was there for her with all my being. I did put on pause or stop some things that were part of me, my essence, so now I'm also lost in this vortex, where I don't recognize my self any more. I haven't touched my guitar for years now, band broke up. started going out and seeing my friends once a week, just because I was 24/7 with her through all the time, not forcibly but because she needed me and I was there for her.
Now she got used to all of that, and I can't be the man I once was, and the subject of this post is just something that happened recently..

[Tommy]

I know you probably thinks she doesn't value the things you buy for her, but that's not the case. She just feels she has so much and her sister doesn't have as much as she does, and so she is moved by love to give her.

Agree

Anyways, if you aren't comfortable with it, let her know you don't like it.

I'm only not comfortable with that happening behind my back.