Lack of sex

[Barkaley]

My girl doesn't engage sex with me. I've addressed this multiple times and nothing has changed. I'm considering leaving but I really love her. Thoughts?

[Clinton]

Why is it that most men end up in low intimacy or even sexless relationships?

Well, the root problem is one of ignorance... due to a lack of proactive personal development.

God designed male/female relationships to be such that the man is the leader and the woman is the follower.

In other words, the man is the one who creates and defines the environment and the woman responds sexually, neutrally, or non-sexually within that environment.

The problem is that the typical husband has never developed himself into the caliber of man who understands how a male/female relationship really works so that he can lead such a relationship.

Consequently, HE ends up creating and defining an environment where his wife exhibits an ultra-low level of sexual expression... even though she is capable of... and in fact desires... a much higher level of sexual expression.

Bluntly, if a husband does not possess the understanding and skills that are required for him to lead his wife into being a turned-on woman... if a husband does not know how to create an environment that turns on his wife sexually... then by default he is going to end up in a low-intimacy or even sexless relationship.

If you were to do a bit of investigation, you would find that most men do not know of even a single case where a husband has been married for some time and still has a fulfilling, happy, contented, or emotionally rewarding relationship with his wife.

Here is why: a boy is born into this world... and he grows up under a dad or father-figure who has never developed himself such that he can effectively and positively lead a male/female relationship... and none of the adult men around him have developed themselves to be a successful leader of a male/female relationship... and so he grows up not knowing how to successfully lead a male/female relationship... and he himself never makes the commitment to fully educate himself on how male/female relationships really work or how to lead such a relationship... and the cycle repeats generation after generation.

Now, in those rare cases where a male has grown up under a dad who had beforehand purposely chosen to develop himself into a man who could successfully lead a male/female relationship, then that male would naturally and "intuitively" do the right things when he entered his own relationship... because all the things he had watched his dad do would seem completely appropriate... it would seem self-evident to him that what he had seen his dad do was obviously the right way to do things... and it would seem odd to him that so many other men did things the wrong way.

Unfortunately, FEW men grow up under such a dad. The result is that most males grow up and move into relationship(s) with such ignorance and unawareness that it is incredible they even succeed at the low level they do.

To their own misery, dads do not proactively learn for themselves... which means they cannot possibly be the teachers to their children that they are supposed to be... which means poor results or failure are pretty much the only possible outcomes for both themselves and their offspring.

This is why I say that one of the rarest, most valuable things on the entire earth is a man who has developed himself to the point he can lead a successful relationship, family relationship, or any other type of relationship.

Beautiful women are a dime a dozen. Beautiful women are everywhere. All you have to do to see a beautiful woman is turn on the television or walk out your front door. And, other than being pleasant eye-candy, feminine beauty accomplishes nothing in and of itself. Feminine beauty in and of itself does nothing to make the world a better place.

But, a developed MAN? Well, that is something that is incredibly rare and hard to find.

Everywhere you look, you can observe men who just cannot seem to get it right with their wife... and again, it is because of their ignorance about how to lead a male/female relationship.

Now, everyone understands that males and females are wired differently and that they think differently.

And, what we must understand is that relationship success comes from being a developed man who understands those differences in such a way that he can lead unity, harmony, and turn-on.

What we must also understand is that where this development and understanding is missing, the only possible outcome is varying degrees of disunity, non-harmony, and turn-off.

However, developed men do exist... men who have made it their business to understand male/female relationships do exist... and wherever you find one of these rare men, you will find a man with a turned-on, affectionate, intimacy-inclined, sexually-expressive woman... and a man whose positive impact on the world is extensive.

Now, I want to clarify something: I do not think of men as bumbling, inept, clumsy, stupid oafs or fools.

The problem is NOT that men are stupid. The problem is that men do not purposefully, proactively develop their understanding of male/female relationships and how to lead a woman so that they can get good results with their own woman.

The problem is that most men do not know what they need to know in terms of relating with and interacting with their lady.

Most men are not aware of what they need to be aware of relative to their lady.

Most men do not do what they need to be doing... and they do what they should not be doing... relative to their lady.

Consequently, they get poor to horrible results with their lady!

Moreover, most men tend to be arrogant and prideful in the realm of intimate relationships.

Most men tend to think they do not need any help in their relationship.

Most men tend to deceive themselves into thinking their relationship is okay.

Most men tend to refuse admit to themselves... let alone anyone else... that they need help in understanding how to successfully lead a relationship with their lady.

Because of these mentalities, most men tend to shift blame to their wife (or others) for their relationship problems... at least until they reach the point where their relationship is unbearably bad or at the point of dissolving.

Bizarrely, the typical husband refuses to open himself up to receiving the intimate relationship education he needs until his wife is literally walking out the door... at which point he FINALLY becomes willing to admit and accept that he needs to learn how to do things differently so that he can get better results with his wife.

But of course, at that point, his relationship is in disastrous shape.

At that point, he faces a huge up-hill battle of trying to convince his wife to stay with him.

At that point, he has the monumental task of trying to persuade his wife to give him another chance.

And, at that point, his wife is not open to him doing anything that would open her up or turn her on towards him.

In other words, at that point, his wife is determined to block anything he does to try to win her back.

So, are men stupid? Definitely not. Are they often foolish? Well, when it comes to their intimate relationship with a woman, many of them absolutely are foolish!

The good news is that YOU can be an exception from the norm. You can choose to purposefully develop yourself into a man who fully understands how to successfully lead an intimate relationship with his lady... and you can be one of those rare men who enjoys all the passion, affection, intimacy, and sex with his lady that he wants.

[sergio99]

So Clinton, exactly how do we do this? I'm somewhat clueless as how to follow your instructions exactly.

[Sofia]

Being in a relationship that is devoid of any physical intimacy can be one of the most depressing and difficult circumstances that you will ever face. It's hard to get through the day when you want so bad to be with the person you love, and they have no desire to make love to you at all. It's frustrating and discouraging. Is there a way to fix a sexless relationship?

There Is Hope

If you want to fix a sexless relationship, you have to understand why. You need to know why your spouse will not be physically intimate with you. There can be a lot of underlying conditions that lead to a person not wanting to have sex with their husband or wife. It may take some time, and more than a little effort, but try to talk to your spouse, without arguing, to find out why they do not want to sleep with you.

Physical Problems Can Be The Source

If there is no reason that your spouse can give, for instance if they tell you they don't know why, that they just don't feel like it, they may want to discuss this with a physician. There can be very serious, underlying physical reasons that can be easily treated to restore your spouse's natural sex-drive. If that is the case, encourage your spouse to follow doctor's orders and restoration of your physical relationship should be soon to return.

What If It's Not A Physical Problem

A visit to the doctor will not fix a sexless relationship that doesn't have roots in a physical problem. There are dozens of reasons that could account for the lack of intimacy in your relationship. One of the most common reasons is some type of unresolved conflict in the relationship. You'd be surprised how many couples go through painful times of having no physical contact because someone is harboring hurt feelings over something from the past.

Open Communications and Making Amends Can Be The Key

The fact is that many people walk around with past hurts festering like an open sore. They may not even remember what exactly led to the hurt that they are feeling. All they know is that the relationship is not right, and they do not feel any desire to have sex with their spouse when they are feeling this way. This problem grows worse with time and can cause a one-way ticket to divorce court.

Get To The Root of the Hurt Feelings

Sit down with your spouse and open up to each other. Try to find out when the wedge came between you and try to work things out. Stop fighting with and blaming your spouse for not wanting to have sex with you. If you want to fix a sexless relationship, you will have to be compassionate and loving toward your husband or wife. Fighting will only make things worse. Your relationship depends upon coming to a resolution about past hurts, whatever they may stem from. You need to master the fine art of making up.

[TheDarkOne]

Has she said why she doesn't initiate? Shyness? Lack of confidence? Bad experiences?

[bunnyhabit]

leave her as she is just using you for some other purpose and giving out to someone else. track her for a while and sure you will find out who she having sex with instead of you.