Newbe - Fiance keeps commenting on other woman

[lola91]

Hi everyone, I'm new here and decided to sign up a I have no clue as to how to proceed. my Fiance and I have been together for 12 years. We met in school and have never looked back. We have our small issues we usually can resolve. Currently I'm the one with a problem or so it seems according to the internet. I have always been a strong person, knew my worth and quite honest with myself. Lately my fiance have been commenting more and more on other women. Usually I do not feel insecure or inadequate, but a few things led me to feeling just this. He is very social and our house is always busy on a weekend. I do't mind this, as we are all close friends. But lately a few comments have dropped that I do not feel comfortable with. It most probably started when he told all of us, friends included about a female friends who bent over suggestively whilst playing pool. I was not there that night as I just wanted to be alone and was not in the mood for going about town. My fiance explained in great detail and even showed how she bent and how he and a friend of ours ogled her. He then went further to state she is attractive and that when she bends like this, she knows men will look. This was still ok to me, did not bother me - but did raise some awareness. After that when friends are over - he would put on some music videos and comment on how beautiful the girls are and yadda yadda, Selena Gomez is actually the one it starts off with. This he will do in front of me, or behind my back - and usually I would shrug it off and not think anything off it. But since I had some awareness creeping around, i'm zoomed in o this and have noticed that - although when we are alone, he will kiss and hug me, be loving - when we are with people this changes. He was never overly loving and touchy in public - but it has come to a point where it does not even happen once. He also has stopped telling people about my attractive quallities. He rather compliments me on how I look after him and do alot for him - which quite frankly is almost as if I took the mother role here. When I do tell him that I feel as if he is not attracted to me anymore he just shruggs it off and basically tells me i'm insecure. And maybe I am. I'm not sure, I know i'm not the hot, slender and young looking girl he fell in love with - but neither is he. I still find him very attractive. To top it all off, I'm the one with the high sexdrive. When I'm in the mood, it is a 50/50 chance of rejection. But lately I even take this personally. I'm i insecure - or should i be worried that he is not attracted to me?

[bryanz]

Hmm...I def don't think you're insecure. Everything you've said sounds totally legit. It's totally fair to ask him not to comment about other women around you. it's not cool that he tells you you're insecure in response to you saying you feel he's not attracted to you. The 50/50 chance of rejection would be hard for me to handle. I hate to say, this doesn't sound promising, with the insensitivity, invalidation, and out of balance interest in sex.

[Shirley]

Men aren't always as open with their feelings as we are and that can leave us wondering exactly what he's feeling and thinking. If you're questioning his adoration there are some clear signs he's not interested anymore that can help you determine exactly what he feels in relation to you.

One of the signs he's not interested anymore is he doesn't make plans to see you as often as he once did. Early in a relationship, when a man first falls in love, he can't get enough of the woman he desires. He'll do just about anything to spend even a few moments with her. Naturally that changes over time when the newness of discovering each other wears off, but if it's changed dramatically, that's not a good sign. If he keeps coming up with excuses for why he can't spend time with you or if you are always the one making the plans, he's likely not feeling as emotionally connected to you as he once did.

Another of the signs he's not interested anymore isn't quite as obvious. When a man starts thinking about ending a relationship there are several clues in the way he speaks. If he's using words like "me" or "I" more frequently than "us" and "we" that shows that he's starting to think more in a single frame of mind rather than as a partner in a couple. Listen to him when you two are having a conversation. If he's doing this, he likely already has one foot out of the relationship door.

[Rob]

although when we are alone, he will kiss and hug me, be loving - when we are with people this changes.

Being in a relationship for 12 years is a really long time to be together. Obviously, you won't expect him to act as he did in the first month of meeting you, just like you aren't acting the same way you did in the first month of meeting him. At the moment, you both have become too comfortable with each other and now see certain things as unnecessary. He doesn't see the need to publicly show his love for you anymore. So, all you need to do is to bring to his consciousness what he needs to do to make you feel happy. The fact is that, if you don't tell him, he might never know and you might be thinking he knows.

I wish you a blissful relationship.