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26 Female -
7 year relationship - Started in 2019
I started dating my boyfriend about 7 years ago, (in March) - just some back story - it was bumpy at first, even before we dated because I wasn't sure it was something I wanted and he already felt in love with me. I am his first and only everything. I thought of him as a good friend at first and talked about the boys I was seeing. Somewhere along the line, I decided to give him a chance since I felt like he deserved one. Later, my ex reached out to me and wanted to try again, (this was my first boyfriend) I wanted to give him another try and still had feelings but I told him I had already decided to give someone else a chance. When my bf did ask me to be his girlfriend, I wasn't fully sure and hesitated but he said he needed an answer right then and there so I said yes. I will say I wasn't overly attracted to him at this time physically, but that has changed a lot over the years even though I feel like I was ashamed a few times to post pictures or videos of us. Or if the non-posting was a way to still appear single for other people online.
Our sex life wasn't the best, I was his first, he had problems getting hard, staying hard, I made him nervous, could never explain what I want sexually, and I did talk a lot about my previous sex life, sizes and all so he felt not good enough.
My ex was also very clean and good with his money.
My boyfriend and I moved in together about 9sh months after dating? Since he was moving out of his roommates and he had no where else to go. We lived with my mom for a while until we moved out to an apartment. Once stressful things happened, with the roommates not taking care of stuff, and my boyfriend being the one that worked with them and set us up living there, I guess I wanted us to say and do more about the situation but no action led me to reach out to strangers online to vent which led to slight flirting and I felt guilty and told him and then he broke down crying.
Fast forward to ending the lease (end of 2021)and we weren't sure where to go next, money was tight, We ended up moving 18 hours away to live with his mom. Once there my ex reached out to my again asking for a "sneaky link" instead of saying no, I said "that can't happen" (wording was bc i was out of state..) he learned of this and I learned he had been using only fans for the past 5 months or more. While I paid for his rent a month during that. I left his moms and went home for a week or two until I went back - Lasted a few weeks there before he moved back home with me since his parents were rushing me to get a job and I had a health concern I had to deal with.
So now we are back living with my mom. (May 2022) I end up cheating on him by sleeping with my ex in April/May of 2023. I snuck out of bed and fucked this guy in his car in the driveway, I had some marks on my body and had to tell him the next day, due to the marks and the guilt. He broke down and I begged him to stay with me and that I loved him.
There was a period where my bf was unemployed and just trying to self teach himself code, he was in and out of kitchen jobs. When he was unemployed, I didn't think he studied enough and was resentful that I had to wake up and sleep on time while he would sleep in and game with his friends late.
Regardless, I think we fucked twice a year? If that?? Like maybe once every 4-5 months?
Fast forward to June 2024 - He gets a call from his grandpa to learn a trade with him and move 22 hours away. We talk about it for like a week or two and then he decides it best for us and hops on a plane and leaves. (We did have thousands of dollars of debt, myself had like 6k or more)
I end up following him up a month or so later once I had everything settled, (I packed all his shit, all my shit, junked his car (which I regret, the only issue was AC/Upholstery), took apart the desks we had, overall just made the room, livable to someone else should it be a guest bedroom and no longer my room) to live in a single wide trailer with him and his grandparents in a snow state that I was not ever used to.
About 7 months in, we get into a fight about him giving something to his sisters and me explaining my feelings on why I didn't agree with that and him dismissing them by saying " you're getting mad at an 8 year old" when that wasn't the morale of the story. Due to this, I thought we might break up, but he spoke with his mom and said he wouldn't make any more decisions without me again and that I come first. I did appreciate this. During this time, I was posting and commenting on reddit heavy and got a DM from someone offering support. It was valentines day night and i was crying in my car alone at the gym. I responded and we continued talking about a lot of stuff. We clicked instantly. It has now been over a year since I have met this guy, I met him in Feb online, he lived states away from me and I got a new job and had to go on a work trip closer to him in March, We met up, fucked and its been an affair ever since. I've seen him about 7 times or so, staying with him for weekends and weeks at a time. Lying to my bf I was with my friends.
He has everything I want, hes good with his money, he fucks me well and often, he makes me laugh, he listens to me, he fixes issues, he cleans up after himself.
I left my boyfriends trailer for thanksgiving to come "visit" my family and have been not living together for 3 months. I didn't feel like I could talk to him about all the small stuff that bothered me because he would always feel attacked. Small stuff, like me always driving (even tho I enjoy driving, I felt like I was always swiping my card, little dumb things that don't matter and that I feel like weren't fully true and I was just in my head about trying to find reasons to be unhappy)
I finally mentioned I don't think we are compatible and I'm confused and he kept asking if I cheated again, I said no about 3 times until I finally told him. He was extremally hurt and broke down crying on the phone. He offered to give me another chance if we went to therapy. I thought it would be the end.
Now both of these men still want me and I'm not sure who or what I want.
I feel like I need to give my boyfriend another chance. Can I live with that little amount of sex? He blamed weed and porn for not fucking me more. Or feeling overly loved. He said its not just looking good, its how I make him feel everyday and if he feels sexy or loved enough to fuck me - not word for word but thats what I got out of the convo pretty much.
Since he moved up there to work with his grandpa, there were days he would have multiple random days off and only work like 6-7 hours (if that) a day while I work 10 and I just didn't feel like I was getting enough support with gym, meals and life. I felt like the plan to get our own place wasn't going to work with this amount of work. He said he would work more once we got our own place and that's not what I wanted to hear. I want him to work more before then to ensure we are good.
I get mad at him for forgetting things, and I know I haven't always shown or given him the most love. But I want to, he deserves it, I just don't know if I am capable of that or if our sex life can actually improve.
I don't even know what I feel, think or want.
Edit: I will be breaking one of their hearts and Idk what to do. One is capable of smoking and fucking and driving (which I also am and enjoy) one is not capable of smoking, fucking and driving. and recently quit smoking. IDK if I want to quit and I would need to try or he would want me to try if I stayed with him.
7 year relationship - Started in 2019
I started dating my boyfriend about 7 years ago, (in March) - just some back story - it was bumpy at first, even before we dated because I wasn't sure it was something I wanted and he already felt in love with me. I am his first and only everything. I thought of him as a good friend at first and talked about the boys I was seeing. Somewhere along the line, I decided to give him a chance since I felt like he deserved one. Later, my ex reached out to me and wanted to try again, (this was my first boyfriend) I wanted to give him another try and still had feelings but I told him I had already decided to give someone else a chance. When my bf did ask me to be his girlfriend, I wasn't fully sure and hesitated but he said he needed an answer right then and there so I said yes. I will say I wasn't overly attracted to him at this time physically, but that has changed a lot over the years even though I feel like I was ashamed a few times to post pictures or videos of us. Or if the non-posting was a way to still appear single for other people online.
Our sex life wasn't the best, I was his first, he had problems getting hard, staying hard, I made him nervous, could never explain what I want sexually, and I did talk a lot about my previous sex life, sizes and all so he felt not good enough.
My ex was also very clean and good with his money.
My boyfriend and I moved in together about 9sh months after dating? Since he was moving out of his roommates and he had no where else to go. We lived with my mom for a while until we moved out to an apartment. Once stressful things happened, with the roommates not taking care of stuff, and my boyfriend being the one that worked with them and set us up living there, I guess I wanted us to say and do more about the situation but no action led me to reach out to strangers online to vent which led to slight flirting and I felt guilty and told him and then he broke down crying.
Fast forward to ending the lease (end of 2021)and we weren't sure where to go next, money was tight, We ended up moving 18 hours away to live with his mom. Once there my ex reached out to my again asking for a "sneaky link" instead of saying no, I said "that can't happen" (wording was bc i was out of state..) he learned of this and I learned he had been using only fans for the past 5 months or more. While I paid for his rent a month during that. I left his moms and went home for a week or two until I went back - Lasted a few weeks there before he moved back home with me since his parents were rushing me to get a job and I had a health concern I had to deal with.
So now we are back living with my mom. (May 2022) I end up cheating on him by sleeping with my ex in April/May of 2023. I snuck out of bed and fucked this guy in his car in the driveway, I had some marks on my body and had to tell him the next day, due to the marks and the guilt. He broke down and I begged him to stay with me and that I loved him.
There was a period where my bf was unemployed and just trying to self teach himself code, he was in and out of kitchen jobs. When he was unemployed, I didn't think he studied enough and was resentful that I had to wake up and sleep on time while he would sleep in and game with his friends late.
Regardless, I think we fucked twice a year? If that?? Like maybe once every 4-5 months?
Fast forward to June 2024 - He gets a call from his grandpa to learn a trade with him and move 22 hours away. We talk about it for like a week or two and then he decides it best for us and hops on a plane and leaves. (We did have thousands of dollars of debt, myself had like 6k or more)
I end up following him up a month or so later once I had everything settled, (I packed all his shit, all my shit, junked his car (which I regret, the only issue was AC/Upholstery), took apart the desks we had, overall just made the room, livable to someone else should it be a guest bedroom and no longer my room) to live in a single wide trailer with him and his grandparents in a snow state that I was not ever used to.
About 7 months in, we get into a fight about him giving something to his sisters and me explaining my feelings on why I didn't agree with that and him dismissing them by saying " you're getting mad at an 8 year old" when that wasn't the morale of the story. Due to this, I thought we might break up, but he spoke with his mom and said he wouldn't make any more decisions without me again and that I come first. I did appreciate this. During this time, I was posting and commenting on reddit heavy and got a DM from someone offering support. It was valentines day night and i was crying in my car alone at the gym. I responded and we continued talking about a lot of stuff. We clicked instantly. It has now been over a year since I have met this guy, I met him in Feb online, he lived states away from me and I got a new job and had to go on a work trip closer to him in March, We met up, fucked and its been an affair ever since. I've seen him about 7 times or so, staying with him for weekends and weeks at a time. Lying to my bf I was with my friends.
He has everything I want, hes good with his money, he fucks me well and often, he makes me laugh, he listens to me, he fixes issues, he cleans up after himself.
I left my boyfriends trailer for thanksgiving to come "visit" my family and have been not living together for 3 months. I didn't feel like I could talk to him about all the small stuff that bothered me because he would always feel attacked. Small stuff, like me always driving (even tho I enjoy driving, I felt like I was always swiping my card, little dumb things that don't matter and that I feel like weren't fully true and I was just in my head about trying to find reasons to be unhappy)
I finally mentioned I don't think we are compatible and I'm confused and he kept asking if I cheated again, I said no about 3 times until I finally told him. He was extremally hurt and broke down crying on the phone. He offered to give me another chance if we went to therapy. I thought it would be the end.
Now both of these men still want me and I'm not sure who or what I want.
I feel like I need to give my boyfriend another chance. Can I live with that little amount of sex? He blamed weed and porn for not fucking me more. Or feeling overly loved. He said its not just looking good, its how I make him feel everyday and if he feels sexy or loved enough to fuck me - not word for word but thats what I got out of the convo pretty much.
Since he moved up there to work with his grandpa, there were days he would have multiple random days off and only work like 6-7 hours (if that) a day while I work 10 and I just didn't feel like I was getting enough support with gym, meals and life. I felt like the plan to get our own place wasn't going to work with this amount of work. He said he would work more once we got our own place and that's not what I wanted to hear. I want him to work more before then to ensure we are good.
I get mad at him for forgetting things, and I know I haven't always shown or given him the most love. But I want to, he deserves it, I just don't know if I am capable of that or if our sex life can actually improve.
I don't even know what I feel, think or want.
Edit: I will be breaking one of their hearts and Idk what to do. One is capable of smoking and fucking and driving (which I also am and enjoy) one is not capable of smoking, fucking and driving. and recently quit smoking. IDK if I want to quit and I would need to try or he would want me to try if I stayed with him.
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