Ending a great emotional connection?

[simion]

Hi all - We met 2.5 years ago on a dating app with an immediate strong emotional connection. She's kind and a people-pleaser with previous narcissistic partner trauma, which makes her overly cautious about expressing her needs until reaching a breaking point. When we met I had also left an extremely manipulative partner and I have been told that we likely initially trauma-bonded because of this. I am 50s and she is a couple of years younger.
We're both aware of our relationship challenges. She is very aware of the impediments (income, children) that she brings to the table. The physical connection was initially great but has deteriorated as our emotional needs aren't being met. I feel emotionally detached without physical intimacy.
Key complications:

• She has two children (both boys, I get on with them fine but the younger one has disruptive/attachment behavioral issues)
• Financial disparity (she doesn't work much and I am a fulltime high income earner - but she wants us to buy an expensive property together). I am in a great financial position on my own and saved to buy most of a house before I met her.
• Planning differences (I'm organised, she has ADHD. We have only very recently started talking about property purchases, see above)
• Activity level mismatch (I'm always active, she needs downtime to "process" with her ADHD. She resents me being away doing things so much, calling me "selfish", and "me doing me")
• She has trouble expressing what she wants in the relationship. She gets angry if I then dont deliver. I cant deliver if I dont know what she wants. I consider that Im OK with women (based on past relationships) but honestly, I need a special code-book here.
• Currently long-distance, seeing each other monthly

Despite having the best emotional connection I've experienced, these differences are creating tension. I accepted most of our incompatibilities in the past as things were so good (until the past 6 months or so).
We've broken up about 4 times, with me usually ending things and her initiating reconciliation. She sees the stay/leave decision as mine to make. We love each other but can't seem to find solutions despite numerous discussions on these topics. Any guidance here appreciated. I am thinking its over but have hurt her numerous times leaving and also Im afraid of being alone again (but on the other hand would enjoy this freedom).
Any help on how to mentally approach this, or discuss with her, would be appreciated.

[openleaf]

It sounds like you care for her, but the relationship has become emotionally exhausting and unsustainable. If communication, planning, and emotional needs aren’t being met—even after multiple talks—it may be time to let go for both your peace.

Solution: Have one honest, respectful conversation. Share how you feel, what you need, and ask if lasting change is truly possible. If not, it’s okay to move on. Consider solo therapy to process everything and rebuild with clarity.

[Bettyyyy]

Hey Simion,

It’s clear you’ve invested a lot emotionally and thought things through. That deep connection is meaningful but connection alone doesn’t always equal long-term compatibility. You’ve been carrying much of the emotional weight: trying to meet needs that aren’t clearly communicated, managing mismatched lifestyles, and now making the call whether to stay or go.

If the same issues keep resurfacing and you feel emotionally drained or disconnected, that’s worth listening to. It doesn’t mean the love wasn’t real, just that the day-to-day foundation may not be strong enough. It’s okay to step away with love and respect for what you shared, especially if staying keeps you both stuck.

Being alone can feel scary, but so can staying in something that no longer works. You’re not giving up, you’re choosing clarity.

Wishing you peace, whatever you decide.