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I used to be quite good with girls. I’ve been on plenty of dates and have gotten phone numbers in all sorts of places. Then I got PTSD and my life turned into nothing more than a fight to stay alive. Soon I lost all of my confidence and charisma and became a person I hated. Needless to say, I was out of the dating scene for a while.
Eventually, I started talking to people again. My head was a mess at first and I had many disastrous interactions, but with time and practice, I became able to hide my demons as best as I could and keep myself together while interacting. The problem is that nobody has any interest in being with me anymore. It’s not that I say something rude or inappropriate and end up with my face getting slapped. I simply have a good conversation with a girl and when I ask to meet again, either she says no or gives me her phone number and then ghosts me.
I don’t do anything much different than what I used to do. I am a very extroverted person and I do care sincerely about all the people I meet. Meeting girls usually involves the same things any dating coach or conversation expert will advise: keep the talk positive, focus on the other person and validate/support them, find commonalities, and make myself out to be an interesting person who knows what he wants in life. But it goes nowhere. Last month I was on a plane and spoke to the girl next to me for several hours. When we landed, I platonically asked if she wanted to get coffee some time. She quickly said no and then hurried off without saying goodbye. Two weeks ago, I was on another plane ride and again spoke to the girl sitting next to me. Although it was lively and engaging for about an hour or so, her smile slowly started to fade and she started looking down more and more. When we landed, she was practically silent and when I asked to exchange social media, she gave it to me, but did not accept my friend request.
Even girls I knew before the traumatic event don’t want to meet again. I invited out two girls I hadn’t seen in a few years and although we had a nice time, they ghosted me afterwards when I asked to meet another time. Additionally, I had a very dear friend who said I was always there for her in her dark times and that I made her feel loved and protected. I came to have feelings for her and suspected this was mutual so when we last met, I tried to kiss her. She pushed me away and sent a text saying she always saw me as a friend. She stayed silent for a month after that, then wrote that she still felt bad about what happened. She has not responded to any texts I have sent since then.
I do have a small number of close female friends who are privy to my situation and they have told me that I am not at ease with myself. According to them, that is what drives people away. It’s true that I hate what I have become, but I try my best to hide my struggles as best as I can and appear confident. From what I have been told, I blush from time to time and sometimes have issues with darting eyes, but are these truly enough to make girls completely turned off by the idea of dating me?
I’m aware that everyone has problems and also that girls can have very strong abilities to sense a man’s discomfort, but still most men can rise above whatever is going on with them and make it to an actual date. Meanwhile, all girls want out of me is nothing more than a brief chat. This girl I tried to kiss was once in an abusive relationship and it took her over a year to walk away. I tried to give her one kiss and she nearly loses her mind. Are some occasional red cheeks or poor eye contact really that damaging? I have no clue what is happening or what to do. All I know is that if I do not get this corrected, I will die alone.
Eventually, I started talking to people again. My head was a mess at first and I had many disastrous interactions, but with time and practice, I became able to hide my demons as best as I could and keep myself together while interacting. The problem is that nobody has any interest in being with me anymore. It’s not that I say something rude or inappropriate and end up with my face getting slapped. I simply have a good conversation with a girl and when I ask to meet again, either she says no or gives me her phone number and then ghosts me.
I don’t do anything much different than what I used to do. I am a very extroverted person and I do care sincerely about all the people I meet. Meeting girls usually involves the same things any dating coach or conversation expert will advise: keep the talk positive, focus on the other person and validate/support them, find commonalities, and make myself out to be an interesting person who knows what he wants in life. But it goes nowhere. Last month I was on a plane and spoke to the girl next to me for several hours. When we landed, I platonically asked if she wanted to get coffee some time. She quickly said no and then hurried off without saying goodbye. Two weeks ago, I was on another plane ride and again spoke to the girl sitting next to me. Although it was lively and engaging for about an hour or so, her smile slowly started to fade and she started looking down more and more. When we landed, she was practically silent and when I asked to exchange social media, she gave it to me, but did not accept my friend request.
Even girls I knew before the traumatic event don’t want to meet again. I invited out two girls I hadn’t seen in a few years and although we had a nice time, they ghosted me afterwards when I asked to meet another time. Additionally, I had a very dear friend who said I was always there for her in her dark times and that I made her feel loved and protected. I came to have feelings for her and suspected this was mutual so when we last met, I tried to kiss her. She pushed me away and sent a text saying she always saw me as a friend. She stayed silent for a month after that, then wrote that she still felt bad about what happened. She has not responded to any texts I have sent since then.
I do have a small number of close female friends who are privy to my situation and they have told me that I am not at ease with myself. According to them, that is what drives people away. It’s true that I hate what I have become, but I try my best to hide my struggles as best as I can and appear confident. From what I have been told, I blush from time to time and sometimes have issues with darting eyes, but are these truly enough to make girls completely turned off by the idea of dating me?
I’m aware that everyone has problems and also that girls can have very strong abilities to sense a man’s discomfort, but still most men can rise above whatever is going on with them and make it to an actual date. Meanwhile, all girls want out of me is nothing more than a brief chat. This girl I tried to kiss was once in an abusive relationship and it took her over a year to walk away. I tried to give her one kiss and she nearly loses her mind. Are some occasional red cheeks or poor eye contact really that damaging? I have no clue what is happening or what to do. All I know is that if I do not get this corrected, I will die alone.