Guy at work - what’s the deal?

[Lulu]

So, here goes...

I recently moved towns and started a new job, and there is a guy in my team who I instantly connected with. I was so sure he liked me, and we totally vibe off each other. He asked me out to quite a few things, so I was getting increasingly interested and excited. However, after a bit of probing from me, it turns out he’s dating someone long distance. He’s known her for years, but they’ve only taken it up a notch the last couple of months. He’s at pains to tell me it’s not serious, but long distance takes quite a lot of commitment, so I’m not so sure (I’m not the biggest supporter of long distance anyway!).

Once this all came to a head, he literally poured his heart out about it all, to the point I felt like he overshared! I told him I didn’t think it was appropriate for us to be hanging out like we do, and that if I was her I wouldn’t like it. He was adamant it was fine (and she’s fine with it) and, here’s the kicker, if it made me feel more comfortable we could all hang out together next time she’s in town! So, we’re continuing to do fun stuff together, but I’m just not sure where this all leaves me, and what to do...?

[bunnyhabit]

something very wrong with this guy. no girlfriend wants to share her boyfriend sincerely. either this is a make believe girlfriend or they are planning to scam you as a team. you should be very careful what you share with them. definitely a weird arrangement.

[Scot]

I'll advice you stop hanging out with him often because you might eventually begin to have feelings for him, and you will be hurt when this happens. So you need to define what you have with him, let him know you two are just friends and can only hang out occasionally.

Don't make the mistake of having anything sexual to do with him because he'll eventually dump you. If he wants to be with you, then he needs to quit whatever he has with the other woman. He definitely prefers the other woman to you, so don't allow yourself to be the fall back girl.

[Lulu]

Thanks Scot, this is exactly where I was going with it, first and foremost I have to protect my feelings! However we work together so see one another all the time, and keep gravitating to each other.

I’d like to stay in his eyeline, because most long distance relationships have a shelf life (especially if they only start that way!), but I am worried I’m going to fall for him (if I haven’t started to already) and get hurt. I seriously don’t think his intention was to cheat, because he wouldn’t have spilt the beans on his situation, but I can’t help thinking he wants his cake and eat it by getting to spend time with me, who he also clearly likes. Agh!!