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I am 24F and he is 25M. Met him at the start of 2014, hung out a couple of times that year - with his mates and alone. I feel we clicked naturally and have great connection. I didn't realise I liked him until the start of 2015. When I realised this, I confessed my feelings to him a few months later as I didn't want to live my life with regrets not saying anything. At least I can move on if he doesn't feel the same way? Sadly, he said "I think it's better if we stay friends, don't you think?"
Since that night, I have not contacted him at all until recently (2018) and neither did he once messaged me to ask how I’m going or to catch up. I reached out to him via text a few months ago, he welcomed me back happily. We made plans to go Bingo, he said he'll let me know when he is free but never did even though he is always out with his mates. I took it as a hint that he just didn't want to go out with me and that I'm obviously not a priority.
Last week, I was at a bar for my mate's birthday. He was invited literally last minute and came in an hour. When he arrived, we somehow ended up hanging alone for the rest of the night, as if we came to the party together or that he was meant to meet up with me there or something. He suggested we go sit down, I followed him, then he started the sentence off with "When I go out, it's because they [his friends] invite me out and I go. So, don't feel offended that I'm not hanging out with you. It's not because I'm not making effort..." something something. I was internally shocked. It was as if he's aware that I'm sad about it and now he's just explaining himself (or perhaps he felt awkward about not following up with the date and is now justifying himself). I'm glad we had the chat to clear any misunderstandings. Even though his lack of effort is a poor excuse in my opinion, I forgive him. He immediately pulled out his phone and booked a date for us and Bingo. I initially turned it down and said I didn’t want him to feel obligated in doing this. But he insisted.
After that DNM chat, we went back to drink with the birthday boy and his girlfriend. Eventually, they decided to go home so we walked them out the bar until their Uber came. We stayed outside for a bit chatting to a random guy and decided we're still in the mood to keep going. It was 2AM at this point, so we started walking to the casino.
I was holding on to his arm while we were walking. He had his arms over me at one point too. He said he really likes going on walks with me. That made me happy because it truly has always been an amazing feeling when we're walking together. Basically, I was holding his arms a lot for the rest of the night. I also had my hand on his knee while sitting. We took the cab home and, in the cab, I was resting my head on his shoulders while cuddling. I asked if it's okay for me to do that, he said "of course!" enthusiastically. He rested his head on my head too as we were really tired by then. It felt like we were a couple that night. I got home at 6:30-7AM.
Yesterday, we played bingo. It was fun. Nothing happened, but we did hug for a long time outside the parking lot before departing.
I know for sure when we hang out, it's always a bloody good time. Staying away from him for 2 years, I gave up on the idea of moving on because my feelings for him is still too strong. I've had guys asked me out and show interest but I'm always honest and upfront that I'm not interested or I just don't reciprocate. I did have a boyfriend (25M), who is a keeper, but I had to end it with him because my heart is not fully on him (he still has hopes). I've decided to not force myself to stop liking someone. I don't care about remaining single forever because getting married and having kids has never been a thing for me anyway.
- Why does this guy allow me to be affectionate but doesn't love me in a romantic way?
- Should I talk to him about this again or should I save the humiliation and respect his decision he made 3 years ago? If he was into me, he would have done something about it by now, right?
- What do you think? Am I overanalysing this as something more when it's not?
Since that night, I have not contacted him at all until recently (2018) and neither did he once messaged me to ask how I’m going or to catch up. I reached out to him via text a few months ago, he welcomed me back happily. We made plans to go Bingo, he said he'll let me know when he is free but never did even though he is always out with his mates. I took it as a hint that he just didn't want to go out with me and that I'm obviously not a priority.
Last week, I was at a bar for my mate's birthday. He was invited literally last minute and came in an hour. When he arrived, we somehow ended up hanging alone for the rest of the night, as if we came to the party together or that he was meant to meet up with me there or something. He suggested we go sit down, I followed him, then he started the sentence off with "When I go out, it's because they [his friends] invite me out and I go. So, don't feel offended that I'm not hanging out with you. It's not because I'm not making effort..." something something. I was internally shocked. It was as if he's aware that I'm sad about it and now he's just explaining himself (or perhaps he felt awkward about not following up with the date and is now justifying himself). I'm glad we had the chat to clear any misunderstandings. Even though his lack of effort is a poor excuse in my opinion, I forgive him. He immediately pulled out his phone and booked a date for us and Bingo. I initially turned it down and said I didn’t want him to feel obligated in doing this. But he insisted.
After that DNM chat, we went back to drink with the birthday boy and his girlfriend. Eventually, they decided to go home so we walked them out the bar until their Uber came. We stayed outside for a bit chatting to a random guy and decided we're still in the mood to keep going. It was 2AM at this point, so we started walking to the casino.
I was holding on to his arm while we were walking. He had his arms over me at one point too. He said he really likes going on walks with me. That made me happy because it truly has always been an amazing feeling when we're walking together. Basically, I was holding his arms a lot for the rest of the night. I also had my hand on his knee while sitting. We took the cab home and, in the cab, I was resting my head on his shoulders while cuddling. I asked if it's okay for me to do that, he said "of course!" enthusiastically. He rested his head on my head too as we were really tired by then. It felt like we were a couple that night. I got home at 6:30-7AM.
Yesterday, we played bingo. It was fun. Nothing happened, but we did hug for a long time outside the parking lot before departing.
I know for sure when we hang out, it's always a bloody good time. Staying away from him for 2 years, I gave up on the idea of moving on because my feelings for him is still too strong. I've had guys asked me out and show interest but I'm always honest and upfront that I'm not interested or I just don't reciprocate. I did have a boyfriend (25M), who is a keeper, but I had to end it with him because my heart is not fully on him (he still has hopes). I've decided to not force myself to stop liking someone. I don't care about remaining single forever because getting married and having kids has never been a thing for me anyway.
- Why does this guy allow me to be affectionate but doesn't love me in a romantic way?
- Should I talk to him about this again or should I save the humiliation and respect his decision he made 3 years ago? If he was into me, he would have done something about it by now, right?
- What do you think? Am I overanalysing this as something more when it's not?
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