He tells me he loves me but he doesn’t feel passionate about me. What do I do?

[Vupros]

Hello! I am 30 years old and recently entered into e relationship with a man who is 50. We live in different cities. He told me he loves me last time we met (about three weeks ago). On Tue last week he came to visit me and he suddenly tells me he does not feel passionate about me and doesn't know why. But he adores my body, he finds me very attractive, beautiful, intelligent, etc. (he told me all these things). So when he came he did not want to kiss me for a few days. He told me he couldn't recognise me and that he had a different image about me in his head. On the day before he went back to his city he desired me again. We spoke about the whole situation, he doesn't know why he is feeling like that and I suggested to give him some time to himself to think about it so he accepted. He texted me a few times since then, he told me he misses me and that I should remain his darling but I don't really know how to behave and what to do because I do not understand him. He gives me very mixed messages - one minute he tells me he loves me and that it would be a shame not to have kids with me, next minute he doesn't feel passionate about me... When I asked him what this means he tells me he does not understand himself.
A bit of a background about him: He is 50, was married before, the relationship did not work, the woman left him, he was in depression for 7 years (no relationships, no women during this time) and now I am the first woman for him after these 7 years. He tells me all the time he is scared of women and relationships (because of his past).
He is also not so successful in his life in general, he doesn't have a job and has no direction at the moment where he wants to go professionally. He is a very intelligent and well-educated man but he does not know what kind of job would make him happy therefore he is still looking for one.
I am not a drama queen and I can deal with a situation where he would walk away from me. I just want to understand his behaviour and most importantly what might have I done wrong for him not to feel passionate about me anymore so that I can avoid this mistake in the future. How can he tell me that I am so wonderful and that he has never met a woman like me before and at the same time tell me he does not feel passionate about me and he needs time to himself? Do I respond to his messages and calls, or do I ignore him completely? I am so confused. Your advise would be very much appreciated. Thanks a lot, a lot!

[Caleb]

I think he's still been hurt by his past. Since he had a bad relationship experience, he still has the fear of being committed. So, you need to decide what you want. You can remain with him if you know you are willing to give him time to get over his negative feelings.

[Vupros]

Thanks a lot for the advise. I am seeing him on Wednesday and we shall talk. I think the result will be that we remain friends and I have accepted it. He calls me every day but he is so distant, he speaks to me like he speaks with a stranger. However if I speak to him like a stranger he asks me why I am being so cold with him. And I can't stand the fact that he does not notice me as a woman anymore, so I have accepted that I can have him as a friend in my life and I can move on. Not easy but doable.
Thank you once again!

[Sofia]

If you're helplessly and madly in love with your man, you should work hard in order to make him feel the same way about you. But making him feel passionate all the time isn't easy - it's not just given to you, you need to sweat a little. Here are ways that you can keep his feelings ignited all the time:

Show him that he's got your attention.

It's common for people who are in relationships to start taking their partner for granted. Although most relationships go through such a phase, shouldn't you try your best not to let this happen with you and your man? Give him ample attention and make him aware of it. A man who feels love will always have soft spot in his heart for you.

Give him all the romance that he could get.

Slowly work your way to his heart all over again. Have sufficient bonding time, build up the romantic mood, love him with the ardor that you have in you. As you establish your bond with him, it's likely that he'll become more passionate about you this time.

Making love with him is a very essential element.

Don't just have sex with the man, let him feel that you connect with him physically and emotionally. He'll appreciate you more as he feels you shudder with your overwhelming emotions when you make love with him. It's time that you reach a new level in your sexual intimacy.

See all the wonderful things that he does for you.

Appreciate your man, shower him with compliments, make him feel that even the minutest things that he does are the greatest in your sight.

Lure him with your gorgeous appearance.

He will surely become more fervent with his feelings for you if you show him that you're truly special. The way you carry yourself, the way you dress, the way you smell, even the way you talk - all contribute to your exquisiteness. Let him be grateful that he was the one who won you not some other guy out there.

Show him that you're an interesting woman.

If all the girls look gorgeous, prove to him that you're the prettiest in the bunch. If everyone else is smart, show him that you're still a cut above the rest. Take him to a roller coaster ride (that's figurative, of course) - let him be thrilled at the excitement that you can give him. Seek out some adventure with him and he'll surely want to discover and rediscover you for the rest of his life.

Don't always be around him.

Though you should be around when he needs you most, you must also be careful that you don't become an ordinary thing in his life. Go out - on your own - sometimes. This should give him some time to miss you and to want to be with you once again.

[Vupros]

Dear Sofia,

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me in such a great detail. I think that between us is over. For the past week he has been calling me every evening but he speaks to me like he would speak to his friends, he doesn't even call me sweet names anymore. He's gone completely cold and distant. It is difficult to follow your advice because we live in different cities and we see each other once in two weeks...
I have showed him that I love him, I have been nice to him and he says always how kind and nice I am to him and that he appreciates that. But I think nice girls don't go far in life...
When it comes to bed - we do make love! It's beautiful and he is the first man in my life with whom I have made real love. He showed me what love making means and to be honest I have never felt so happy and so great in bed before. He told it was the same for him. He told me he knows we are meant for each other but he doesn't understand his own feelings... He knows that I love him because he told me exactly that and that he feels my love. Him feeling loved is not the issue.
Anyway, I will never understand what went wrong. I have accepted the fact that we can only be friends.
I take your advise for the future and I thank you once again for being so kind and spending the time to write me.