I hate his family.....

[Littlecat]

hey guys,

maybe be some of you can tell me from similar experiences and how you handle it...

The background:

After being in a long distance relationship for a year my (now) fiancé came to Germany to be with me till I graduate from university (he’s from the US). His mother was (is) a constant drama-causing Problem, like trying to manipulate him and deciding stuff for him. When we got engaged she was upset that she didn’t know it first but my dad and was yelling at him.
He’s trying to stand up against her but I guess you can’t change people's mind.
Now that we want to move back we need some stuff done, like little stuff (sending a mail within the US) and we can’t rely on them in any kind of way. My family was over supportive and did everything for him to feel welcome here and helped him with everything without asking.
his family is pretending to be a family, and it is draining and sad to deal with them. The most upsetting part for me is, that they are constantly taking advantage of my fiancé... if they need a babysitter, driver, help with documents etc. he was always reliable and there!

How ow did you guys deal with the family-problem? I’m scared it will affect our marriage later on negatively

thanks for the replies

[Sandra]

Typically, mother-in-laws can be a little tough to deal with mostly because they want to continue being the center of attention to their son, and now they know they won't be. There are mother-in-laws that are easy going, sweet and good natured. There are also ones that are definitely not.

Most people will tell you that the dads are not a big deal to get along with because they don't usually get involved in all kinds of drama. For the moms, that's another story.
Mother-in-laws are also used to running the show as far as their families go and now they may not be able to because the stage must now officially be shared.

Some tips on how to keep the peace might include:
Ignore as much as you can and try your best to not even hear it. If you ignore the drama, some of it will stop. Do not tell her too much, most times it will all get turned against you. Rarely, can a mother-in-law that meddles in your life and pushes her opinions on you, will this person become any kind of friend to you. Do not block her out completely because you will only upset your husband by doing so and it's really not a good way to go. If you prefer not to be around her so much and you have children, arrange for her to take them places or spend time with them. This will satisfy her grandma needs and give the illusion that you are around her more than you really are, so points for you.

Don't leave anything personal out on a desk or counter when she is due to visit. Besides, it's not really her business anyway. If every Christmas she has always made her special ham, let her! Who really cares anyway and it will serve as another way to keep her quiet, which is less for you to do. Don't argue or correct your husband in front of her, she will attack. Never tell her what anything costs and always, always, always tell her whatever it was, that it was on sale. If you end up having to lie to her about something, clue your husband in so he doesn't mess it all up and say the wrong thing to her. If she really wears you down, you can always tell her that it's looking like it will be you that takes care of her should she take very ill, so does she really want to fight with you or not get along with you knowing this?

Certainly it's not right to lie to anyone. That said, do you want peace or some award for honesty? You most likely want peace like most people. Another great way to go is to as often as you can, have your mom around at events at your home. It's just like hiring a security guard but you don't have to pay for him. Good luck and you will learn quickly how to either get along with the in-laws or how not to get along with them. Try to get along with them as a gift to your husband, it's the best way to go.

[Drake]

The issue with his family might not be a problem to your marriage in the future if you plays your cards well. All you need to do is to treat them with so much love and respect even though they aren't nice to you. This will make his family to begin to like you, and before you know it you will be in good terms with them.