My Ex From Over Two Years Ago Has Been Texting Me Again

[Ashley]

I'm currently in quite an abusive relationship. I know I need to get out. My ex from over two years ago, who I never really got over has been texting me again and has even offered to help me in some way.

The conversations with him have been through FB inboxing. However, he is also just starting to date someone. I know I ultimately want to be with him. What should I do?"

[Malvin]

Hi Ashley,

Take the help from your ex, and do not read more into it than is there.

It is really easy to think your ex is going to be your "Knight In Shining Armour" and come sweep you away from the man you are with now.

It sounds to me like he is a good man who wants to help you, and is not necessarily interested in courting you.

And that is totally cool.

If he is offering you help to get out of your current situation, you should take it with gratitude and without expectations.

This is not about who you end up with, it is about who you are with now and what you deserve.

[Bill]

Breakups aren't like they used to be. You'd lose someone's phone number, and that would pretty much be about it.

But these days? There are dozens of connections to sever before you're finally rid of an ex. You have Facebook... Instagram... Twitter... you have Skype contacts and email addresses, and yes, most of all you have text messages.

So what does it mean when your ex boyfriend keeps on sending you texts, even after breaking up with you? Is he lonely, and looking for company? Does he want to reconcile?

Or can his texts be nothing more than he's making them out to be: innocent communications between two adults who once had a relationship?

When an Ex is Texting You it MEANS Something

There's always something behind it when an ex is trying to stay in contact. Whether he calls, emails, texts - doesn't matter - the one common thread between all of these things is that you're still on his mind.

If you want to get him back, this is a good thing. That said, every relationship goes through the same common cycle:

• Overwhelming initial attraction
• 'Honeymoon' stage of the romance (a.k.a. everything is awesome)
• Intense feelings develop, love blossoms
• Over time, strong emotional bonds are formed

It's those emotional bonds that you'll use to get your boyfriend back. Even though he broke up with you, those feelings are still there. He can't turn them off like a light switch, despite telling you "it's over" or that he "doesn't feel them anymore".

For guys, it's very easy to bury those feelings quickly... or at least convince themselves they're buried. Facing how you still feel after a breakup only causes pain, which is why an ex boyfriend might ignore you, break all contact, or even tell you to stay away.

In short, he's trying to ride out the initial stages of your breakup with as little regret as possible. The emotional bonds you have with him are still there, but they're hidden beneath the surface, and must be *carefully* brought back out.

Should You Text With Your Ex?

So now you're sitting there, trying to be cool, but your ex boyfriend is suddenly texting you. Nothing crazy, just some "what's up" stuff. Seems innocent, right? Like you can text him back, thinking that staying in touch with him is the best way to keep him interested.

Wrong.

When you text-message back and forth with your ex boyfriend, you're actually SLOWING DOWN the reconciliation process. This is because:

• Your ex has no opportunity to miss you (because you're still talking to him)
• Your ex isn't worried about losing you (because knows you're still into him)
• Your ex knows exactly what you're doing (no danger of you moving on)

Even the most innocent communication via text message is like telling your ex boyfriend "Hey, I'm still here! Don't worry about me, I'll hang out for a while, in case you change your mind!

Honestly? This comes across as desperate. Your ex would have a lot more respect for you if you didn't even answer him, plus he'd start to ask himself questions like: "Is she over me? Why doesn't she respond? Did she maybe find somebody else?"

This line of thinking is exactly what you want. It's the precursor to him wanting you back again. It plants the seeds of doubt in his head that will, eventually, make him question the decision to break up with you in the first place.

To win back your ex's heart, you first need to change the way he currently sees you. Too many people don't understand this. They think they can charge into a potential reconciliation by just telling someone how much they love and need them, and their ex will somehow miraculously listen.

These people, not surprisingly, slam into a brick wall of indifference. If it feels like you're hitting your head against this wall in trying to get your ex boyfriend to consider you again, you're already doing all the wrong things. To get him back, you'll need to stop immediately and start doing the RIGHT things.

[Ashley]

Hi all, thank you for your advice.