A man who lost himself

[Cytriax]

Here lies a man, who is 28 years old, and lost his 22 year old girlfriend of 5 years because I had stopped being the guy who she loved.

We met in college, and I was an amazing guy, I was in control, had some money to look after her but after four years of being together we graduated college together. She started work, and I started Uni, we moved in together, for a year.

During these five years, I supported her in her being homeless, her abusive father, rescued her sister from her father, helped her sister out when she was in trouble with her baby being in the care system and tried my best to provide for her. I never cheated on her, she was faithful to me. She had tried to break up with me in September for the same reasons but gave me another chance.

We broke up in Christmas because I changed when I went into Uni, I lost my passion for learning, I became lazy, I stopped taking my Concerta for my ADHD, I had to quit my job for practical reasons, I couldn't and didn't look hard enough for more work for more money, I had debts and I was moody, selfish, clingy and insecure. I lost her complete respect and despite her given me a years worth of a chance, I finally cracked too much and she left me a week before Christmas.

Since the break up, she found out I was feeling suicidal, I was beyond depressed, not at the break up alone but how I have became. Her friends dislike me, I was talking to her friends to get her to think about giving me another chance, I tried to do no contact and failed, I got paranoid, I disappeared for a few days, left depressing self harming voicemails. I have became a complete hopeless screw up of a man. She has blocked me on facebook, she won't even talk to me, she has cold vibes towards me, she said she doesn't love me, she is over me, she is dating other people but said to me she isn't interested in being with anyone anymore. I've hurt her feelings by saying nasty things, I have done EVERYTHING wrong. She is even stuck and is still willing to pay my bills till I find work, she came to me the other day asking me for money because she had no gas or electric, I gave her the last 20 I had in my account because I have her stuck covering me.

I want her back, I love this girl, she understands what it is like to be someone who has ADHD, "I understand you" those words made me fall in love with her. I want to be there for her more than ever now but I have destroyed a beautiful relationship. I've hurt a truly special girl. As of today, I have checked myself into therapy, I am back on my medication, I am sorting my own head out. I am looking harder than ever for work, I am considering going back to Uni and succeeding this time but I am afraid I am too late to get her back.

She said she needs a break from me today after the two weeks of drama and pestering, she believes our relationship has just ran its course. I want to get it all back, I want to be the right guy I was five years ago.

What can I do, to make this happen or is it too late? I crumbled for a while and she tried so hard to stick by me, it burnt her out. I want to become that strong mountain again for her to stand on and feel secure in life again, and help her reach her dreams and goals too.

Can you guys help me make me a better me, and win her heart back so that I can protect it once more.

I don't need her, I want her. She is due to go to court soon and we talked about it and I said I that I wasn't sure if I was going to go because the issue wasn't my problem anymore and that I needed to think about it. I've been called as her witness, and today (the next day) I sent her this;

"Hey, listen I've been thinking. I am going to go to the court hearing. I've been summoned so I have to and it's time I started facing my problems and take my responsibilities! I need to this and stand up for what's right! Time to man the fuck up!"

I mean every word, I am not expecting a response and I am going to leave her alone until the date when we have to come face to face. I have nine days to prepare myself mentally, emotionally and I know that I have to support her in this because it WAS our problem once, I just hope she starts to see me in a better light and begins to open up to me again.

[Kate]

Cytriax, sorry to hear your story. I know exactly what you are going through, trust me. We have all been through breakups in our lives.

Here's is my candid advice to you:

First, you need to find solution to your ADHD problem. I suggest you seek medical attention immediately. Why? If you don't solve your ADHD problem and you both come back together, what led to the breakup initially will occur again and you will lose her again and this time you might never be able to get her back.

Once you have solved your ADHD problem, then let her know you are okay now and apologize for all you have done to her. I know she will definitely come back, because I believe she still loves you.

Good luck!

[Nate]

One of the best tactics to get your girlfriend back is to accept that, for now at least, the relationship is over. This doesn't mean that you are giving up on her entirely. It does mean that she's going to see that you're mature enough to accept that things aren't the way they used to be. When a couple breaks up, one tends to take the split much harder. That's the person who typically calls the other crying, pleading and begging for another chance. You absolutely do not want to be that person. If you are, your girlfriend is going to label you as desperate and an emotional mess and she'll want nothing more to do with you ever. You want her to see that you're supportive of her need for space and time.

Another approach that you should be taking if your goal is a future with the woman you still love is to stay focused on your own life. It's easy to get caught up in mourning the lost relationship but if you do this, you're not going to get her back. Instead, work on improving who you are and keep yourself busy socially. Get out and have fun. This doesn't necessarily mean you should be dating other women, but you do need to hang out with groups of friends. Your ex will hear that you're doing fine and this will nag at her. If you can show her that you're fine without her it will actually make her want you. Once a woman gets a sense that she doesn't mean everything to her anymore, it makes her want you more.

[Jerome]

Your natural instinct is going to want to talk to her as much as possible after the break up. You likely believe that you'll be able to convince her to give you another chance if you can just explain your side of things. In theory this seems like a reasonable thing to do but in reality it can actually be very damaging. When it comes to what to say to get your girl back all you really have to say to her is that you accept her decision to end things. Don't go into a long, emotional speech about how you only want the best for her. Just tell her that you agree with her that it's time for you two to part. Although you don't believe this deep in your heart, you have to convey it to her. It will completely shift her thinking and make her think about you non-stop.

The reason this approach works so well is actually quite simple. Right after the break up you are the one feeling rejected by her. It's that rejection that spurs on your drive to get her back. You want that feeling to go away and the only way it can is if you win back her love. If you take that rejection and push it back onto her, she's then going to be the one who can't stop thinking about you. If your ex feels as though she's lost you for good that will impact her decision to end the relationship. If she knows that you're sitting patiently waiting for her to take you back, she won't take you back. Show her that you're ready to move on by accepting the break up and she'll be the one chasing you to come back to her.

[Mabel]

Sorry about what happened to you!

However, you didn't tell us what led to your court case. Is the court issue connected to your breakup?

Here's a video that will help you:

[Adesuwa]

Well, that was a partetic story, some times we are faced with ups and downs, and the ability to over come makes you stronger and a better person in life. Well is OK, follow her to the hearing, be your normal self, don't act like you are acting for her to know you are a changed person, be real, continue in the better you, you were before... and make her know the love is still from within as you are ready to stand up and take charge.... Still show love and affection. All the best.

[Cytriax]

Huh, i guess i should respond to here.

Good grief, what was I bloody thinking, I'm beyond mortified at what I was like and spilt all this crap here.

I'm so much better now, new job, new home, new lady, old hobby has got me some global recognition too so, all is well in the new world.

Yeah, I went to the court case, said my part, nailed the waste of space for what ever it was he did (can't remember or can't care, hard to tell)

As for her, fuck her, she was cheating with her boss, he can be her problem now