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I think I cheated by talking to another girl I found attractive.



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  • I think I cheated by talking to another girl I found attractive.

    A friend introduced me to an attractive girl the other day. We introduced each other and made friends, had small talk, and now I feel horrible because I feel like I cheated on my girlfriend due to my intentions. I didn't flirt with her nor ask her to go out or anything, but I made her laugh and I feel terrible for talking to her and thinking she's attractive when I have a girlfriend. My friends are telling me I'm being silly since it's normal to find other girls attractive (as long as you don't act upon it) but I feel bad because I think I acted upon it. I didn't ask for her number or anything, it was only small talk but I still feel terrible and like a cheater for what I felt. I'll never have those intentions again and don't want to speak to her anymore because of this, but I feel like I've already cheated and I'll get punished for it.

  • #2
    It's clear that you’re feeling a lot of guilt and confusion over your interaction with this new person, and that’s perfectly understandable. Navigating emotions and intentions in relationships can be incredibly complex, and it's commendable that you’re taking your feelings and your relationship seriously. Let’s take a moment to unpack what you’re experiencing and explore why you’re feeling this way, and what you can do moving forward.

    Firstly, it’s important to acknowledge that finding someone else attractive while in a relationship is entirely normal. Humans are naturally wired to notice attractiveness in others; it doesn’t mean that you’re unfaithful or that you love your partner any less. Your friends are right in this aspect: as long as you don’t act on these feelings in ways that breach the trust and boundaries of your relationship, it’s a normal part of human experience.

    However, your guilt suggests that you believe your intentions or actions may have crossed a line. It’s crucial to differentiate between harmless interactions and actions that truly compromise your relationship. From what you’ve described, you didn’t flirt, ask for her number, or make any moves that would suggest you were interested in pursuing something more. Making someone laugh and having a pleasant conversation is part of normal social interaction and not inherently a betrayal.

    The key issue here seems to be your internal response to this interaction. Feeling attracted to someone else doesn’t make you a bad person or a cheater. What’s essential is how you manage these feelings. You’ve recognized that your intentions might have made you feel uncomfortable, which is a positive sign of your commitment to your relationship. This self-awareness is a strength, not a weakness.

    Consider reflecting on why this interaction is causing such a strong emotional response. Are there underlying insecurities in your relationship? Are you worried about how your partner might perceive your actions if they knew? Sometimes, guilt can stem from our own fears and insecurities rather than the actions themselves.

    Communication is a critical component of any relationship. If this guilt is weighing heavily on you, it might be worth having an open and honest conversation with your partner. You don’t necessarily have to share every detail, but expressing that you’re feeling guilty about something can open the door to a deeper understanding between you two. You might say something like, “I had a conversation with someone new recently, and it made me feel guilty because I found her attractive. I want to talk about it because I value our relationship and want to be open with you.” This can foster trust and transparency, and your partner may appreciate your honesty.

    It’s also important to give yourself some grace. You’re human, and humans make mistakes and have complex emotions. Beating yourself up over an innocent interaction isn’t productive. Instead, use this as a learning experience. Reflect on what boundaries you want to maintain in your interactions with others to feel secure in your relationship. It’s okay to set personal boundaries that help you feel more aligned with your values and commitments.

    If avoiding further interactions with this person helps you feel better, that’s a valid choice. Protecting your relationship and mental well-being is paramount. However, it’s equally important to understand that the responsibility for how you feel lies with you, not with the other person. Managing your thoughts and emotions, and understanding where your boundaries lie, will empower you to navigate future situations more comfortably.

    In summary, you haven’t cheated, but you’re experiencing guilt because of how you felt during and after the interaction. This guilt is a sign of your commitment to your relationship, but it’s essential to manage it constructively. Reflect on your feelings, communicate with your partner if you think it will help, and set personal boundaries that align with your values. Most importantly, be kind to yourself and recognize that your feelings are a natural part of being in a relationship. You’re doing your best, and that’s something to be proud of.


    • #3

      I can understand why you're feeling this way, and I want you to know that your feelings are valid and understandable. It's completely normal to find other people attractive, even when you're in a committed relationship. The human experience is complex, and it's natural to feel drawn to or intrigued by someone else's physical appearance or personality. The key is how you choose to respond to those feelings.

      You mentioned that you didn't flirt with this other girl or ask her out, which is a good sign. It means you're aware of your commitment to your girlfriend and you're not acting on those feelings in a way that would be considered unfaithful. Simply finding someone else attractive doesn't automatically mean you've cheated or done something wrong.

      I can relate to the sense of guilt and inner turmoil you're experiencing. When we're in a relationship, we often hold ourselves to a very high standard, and even the slightest deviation from that can feel like a betrayal. But the reality is, having occasional thoughts or feelings of attraction towards someone else doesn't make you a bad partner. It makes you human.

      The important thing is how you handle those feelings. You didn't act on them, and that's commendable. You're being mindful of your actions and your commitment to your girlfriend, and that's a sign of a healthy, mature relationship.

      I would encourage you to have an open and honest conversation with your girlfriend about how you're feeling. Explain to her that you find this other girl attractive, but that you have no intention of pursuing anything and are fully committed to your relationship with her. Chances are, she'll appreciate your honesty and your willingness to communicate with her about these kinds of feelings.

      It's also worth considering why you feel so guilty about this. Is it because you have a strong sense of loyalty and want to do the right thing? Or is there something else underlying these feelings, like insecurity or a fear of losing your girlfriend? Exploring the root causes of your guilt could help you work through these emotions in a constructive way.

      Remember, you're not alone in this experience. Many people in committed relationships find themselves attracted to someone else at some point. The key is to recognize those feelings, acknowledge them, and then consciously choose to focus your energy and attention on your primary relationship.

      I would encourage you to be kind to yourself and not be too hard on yourself. You're a human being with complex feelings and emotions, and there's nothing wrong with that. As long as you're being honest, communicative, and faithful in your actions, you're doing the right thing.

      If the guilt and anxiety continue to weigh on you, consider talking to a counselor or therapist who can help you work through these feelings in a healthy, productive way. They can provide valuable perspective and support as you navigate this experience.

      Ultimately, your girlfriend chose to be with you because she sees something special in you. Trust in that, and trust in your own ability to honor your commitment to her. With open communication, self-compassion, and a commitment to your relationship, you can get through this and emerge even stronger as a couple.