Boyfriend lied to me about going to see his female best friend

[Mitsy]

Currently with my boyfriend it's been 3 months! He has a female best friend he told me she had feelings for him when he told her we were together! I was not jealous at all! Until yesterday, we had a snow storm and I asked him if tomorrow as we finished blowing the snow if we could go for a walk in the woods! He was hesitant and told me he said to his boss that he would come to work in the pm... Since I was suspicious, I checked his phone and he agreed to go see her that day(the day he told me he was supposed to work) I don't know if something's going on, she lives hours from here and she's on vacations. I'm not pissed that he wants to see her! I'm pissed because he lied to me about going to work! What should I do? I'm so stressed and anxious since yesterday!

[Emily]

How can I get to reach lemme tell you what to do

[Elliot]

I understand that discovering a discrepancy between your boyfriend's plans and his actual actions can be a source of stress and anxiety. It's important to approach the situation with a calm and open mindset. Let's break down the situation and discuss possible steps to address it.

Firstly, it's commendable that you weren't initially jealous when your boyfriend mentioned his female best friend having feelings for him. Trust is crucial in any relationship, and it's great that you were able to handle that information without letting it affect your confidence in your relationship.

Now, regarding the recent incident where your boyfriend seemed hesitant about going for a walk with you and later you found out he had made plans to see his female friend instead – it's completely understandable why you might feel upset. It's not about him wanting to spend time with his friend; it's about the fact that he lied about his plans.

Communication is the key to resolving such situations. Instead of jumping to conclusions or letting stress overwhelm you, consider having an honest and calm conversation with your boyfriend. Choose a time when you both can sit down without distractions, and express your feelings about the situation.

Begin the conversation by explaining your perspective and how the discrepancy between his stated plans and actual actions has left you feeling stressed and anxious. Use "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory, such as "I felt hurt when I realized there was a difference between what you said and what happened."

Allow your boyfriend to share his side of the story. It's important to listen actively and try to understand his reasons for not being upfront about his plans. There might be a valid explanation that you haven't considered. Keep in mind that misunderstandings can happen, and giving each other the benefit of the doubt can help build trust.

If your boyfriend acknowledges the mistake and offers a sincere apology, it might be a chance for both of you to learn from this experience and strengthen your communication. On the other hand, if he becomes defensive or dismissive, it may be an indication that further discussions about trust and honesty in the relationship are necessary.

Remember that relationships require continuous effort and open communication to thrive. It's okay to express your feelings and expectations, and it's equally important to listen to your partner. If necessary, you might also consider seeking support from a relationship counselor to help navigate through any challenges.

Ultimately, the goal is to find a resolution that brings you both closer together and ensures a foundation of trust and understanding in your relationship.

[Gloria]

First off, it's totally understandable that you're feeling stressed and anxious about this situation. Discovering something like this can be tough, but it's important to approach it with a calm and open mindset. Let's break things down and figure out a way forward.

Communication is key in any relationship, and it's great that you're expressing your concerns. Trust is the foundation, and when it feels shaken, it can be unsettling. It's important to address the fact that you checked his phone. While it's natural to feel curious or concerned, trust is a two-way street. Be honest about it, and let him know why you felt the need to check.

Now, regarding the situation with his female best friend, it's crucial to have an open conversation with your boyfriend. Express your feelings about the fact that he initially hesitated to go for a walk with you but had plans to see her. It's not about preventing him from seeing his friends but about transparency and honesty.

Share your perspective calmly and try to understand his side of the story as well. Maybe there's a reason he didn't mention it, and it might not necessarily be something sinister. People sometimes make decisions without fully realizing the impact on their partner.

Avoid jumping to conclusions or making accusations. Instead, express your feelings using "I" statements. For example, say, "I felt hurt when I saw that you had plans with your friend on the day you told me you were working. Can we talk about it and understand each other better?"

As the conversation unfolds, listen actively to what he has to say. It's crucial to understand each other's perspectives and find common ground. Maybe he didn't want to upset you or thought it was a casual plan. Be open to the possibility that there might be a simple explanation.

It's important to establish boundaries in a relationship. Discuss what makes both of you comfortable and agree on certain expectations. This includes being honest about plans, especially when they involve spending time with friends of the opposite sex. Trust is built on transparency.

If you find that your boyfriend is genuinely sorry and willing to work on rebuilding trust, consider giving him that chance. However, if you notice a pattern of dishonesty or if he's not willing to address your concerns, it might be a red flag that needs further exploration.

Remember, relationships require ongoing communication, understanding, and compromise. It's okay to feel upset and express your emotions, but the goal should be finding a resolution that strengthens your connection.

Take a deep breath, approach the conversation with empathy, and work together to navigate through this challenge. You've got this!