Plautonic Frienship ??

[sexyitaliantiger]

Hello Everyone,

I am posting to this forum because I want womens or other people opinion on a situation that I am going through.

I have been a "very" close friend with a women that is about 13 years older than me. We have a lot of things in common, we are both college teachers, and work for the same school. We share the same perspective on lots of issues and have been VERY close friends for a little more than 5 years now. There are things that I like alot about her is that no matter what she gives signs of life and answers back when I TEXT, call or email her. She is VERY consistent on that regard.

She is independant. She is very close to her aging mother that is about 98 years old. She has 2 brothers and another sister. She has her profile and several dating sites. She is smart and an attractive women given her age. When she puts make-up and colors her hair I would easily make her look like 35 years old. She exercises regularly and takes care of herself.

She drives. She has strong work ethics.
Given all this our "frienship" is PLOTONIC. She has said to other peole that we ARE NOT in a relationship. She encourages me to see and date other women. She dates other men but nothing realy serious has come our of those relationships. She has a REVOLVING door of men that she has been dating.

She asks me out to DANCE with her.
In about 6 months I will turn 50 years old.
She never wanted to have children. I have 2 teenage daughters aged 131/2 and 12. She has AVOIDED to meet them. She has never come to my home.

I feel that she treats me like a PUPPET. She has 4 different properties. She has 2 homes about 45 minutes from me and a country house IN THE WOODS that is 90 minutes drive away.

She likes to teese me about my age or soon to be ?
She also says that she fantasise me in a relationship with another man.
She has said that recently over the last 6 months she has a new boyfriend that is italian.

What should I make of this ?

Paul

[bunnyhabit]

she appears to be letting you know that she will always be platonic with you by her comments. her jumping from man to man frequently is interpret by me to indicate she does not any tight or exclusive partner. she probably fears social backlash from any impression of romance with a man so much younger than herself. she is simmering any physical contact with you and your kiddos accordingly. do you desire a intimate relationship with her? if so man up and discuss your feelings it is possible she is waiting for you to make the first move. i am doubtful she wants you as anything more than a platonic male she is comfortable with.

[smackie9]

Just because you have stuff in common, and are emotionally tight doesn't constitute as romantic interest. She has set boundaries to not get too involved with you because she doesn't want it to be anymore than work friends. It's confusing because you have feelings, and they are making you see things that are not there.

[sexyitaliantiger]

I have been thinking lots about this woman and feel that I could write a book about her.
Lately, thinking about it, I feel that she has alter motive. I feel that she might have a "sadistic" side, where she is looking to make me suffer or hurt me emotionally in some way.
Here are examples of things that she has said. Note that even she has said those things she continues to see me regardless.

1) She has used put-downs like "You can never buy a house like this"
2) Out of the blue she won a seat for a CIty Councillor in her home town and last week-end told me that she wants to run for mayor. She never talk about political ambitions ever.
She even spoke agains meetings. Here she is getting on ALL the committes that she can. I find that hhypocrite or 2 faced.
3) She has suggested that I be "gay" and expressed some fantasy to that respect.
4) She has made a veiled threat that if I did not plan me week-end in advance it would be the end of our friendship
5) She has said that she has been dating a new italian boyfriend for the past 6 months and even showed me his picture.
6) She keeps boasting about her business prowess.
7) She leaves her dogs when busy at the ex house.
8) She boasts how RICH her ex is. A veterenarian that apparently owns commercial real-estate, and mentionned it in a "put down" kind of way.
9) She said that she might be open to lend me money. I personally don't feel it is a good idea.

I get the feeling that she is trying to hurt me ???

[sexyitaliantiger]

I have been doing lots of reading and research online and I have come to the conclusing that I am dealing with a "grandiose" Narcissist.
For example, she invited me to go dancing with her in a small bar called "Roc'n Doc". She was very frugal, she only bought soda which cost her maybe 4$.
She told me as much. As we were sitting at out table, she showed me a picture of what she said was her new "boyfriend" an italian guy she said she had been seeing for 6 months now.

I did not say anything. I just listened.
The usual band she said she liked was replaced by another unknown band.
Just before we left, she went up to the band and asked to take a "selfie" between herself and the 3 band members.

I have read that "Narcissit" do "jealousy inducing" behaviour ON PURPOSE.
This was in early December. She invited me to her birthday on December 22nd. I was not sure if I would find her boyfriend there or what to expect.
It turns out she was ALONE having a birthday with a bunch of friends. It was basically the same bunch of friends that were invited last year to her birthday.

I have read that one trait of narcissts is that : "Their words never match his actions. They will make promise after promise, but will deliver nothing."
That seems to be the case with her with many other topics as well.

For example, she encourages me to see and date oher women. She even said that she would try to fix me up with someone she knows that never ever comes of it.
Those are more traits of a narcisst.

After her birthday, she called me and told me that she want to go dancing with me on New Years day.
Any way as it turns out, we did not end-up going because of the bad weather. She did give me the phone number of her mother she sees regularly.

A couple of week-ends later, she invited me to goto an Indigo library in Burlington. She said that she goes there ALL the TIME.
She give me a small pack of OREOs cookies for my daughter. She said that she needed a LARGE MUG for morning coffee.

Another trait that fits her pattern of behaviour that matches Narcism is: "She’s resistant to involving herself in your life. She adamantly refuses to meet my daughters, my family or friends and will impede the normal progression of a relationship.".

She is very nice and friendly when dealing with matters related to our school, like school closing, weather, dealing with grading, students,
She informed of our next paycheck schedule.

Her behaviour over the last year has changed.
She also got a city councillor job and told me that she would like to run for Mayor next time.

I could write a novel about this woman.

Comments ?

Paolo

[smackie9]

IMO you are emotionally torturing yourself not her. You can easily cut yourself off from her and get on with your dating life. I think you have revolved around her long enough..time to get out of her orbit.