Outsiders Perspective

[Please_Help876]

My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years now. As most relationships go, it started well but escalated very quickly as we moved in together after a few months. All is well but we find ourselves arguing over a lot of things that I see as nothing and things that we shouldn't be arguing about.

Now my issue is that when I go out from time to time (majority of the time to my cousins to play FIFA e.g yesterday) I sometimes don't respond to her calls and texts cause I'm just in that moment of chillin with friends/family.

Her interpretation of this is that I don't care, I'm arrogant for wanting to text/call back when I want to or I don't love her, which is clearly not the case because I wouldn't be with her but I want to know why does she think that way?

Now before anyone says 'just ask her', I already have and her response was 'it's just the normal thing to do, if you care about someone you should want to talk to them' ect. I do care, I do love her, I do appreciate her and me not texting back/calling for a few hours doesn't change that So what's the problem?

[Kate]

Generally, women want a lot of attention and care, and she isn't getting that from you. You need to change your attitude towards her, and stop wondering why she feels that you don't love her.

[Richard]

I will suggest you make it a point to call her when you are with your friends and family, and don't wait for her to call you first. This way, she will know you care about her and always think of her.

[smackie9]

Simple you give her a specific time when you will text her. Say "I'm off to watch the game. I'll text you when I'm on my way home." Then hand her a gift certificate for her to go out and get her nails done. Her hands will be too busy to text you. Maybe update her the score of the game once in awhile. Or send a photo of you and your buddies.

Hopefully this will change in time...I'm so glad my husband goes out..gets him out of my hair. Space is healthy.

[Please_Help876]

She gets nothing but attention and care from me which is why I'm very perplexed by her comments about me not caring. At the start of our relationship I could understand because I was absolutely rubbish at keeping in touch but I've changed massively since then. Now, I rarely go out unless it's with her or as mentioned above when I go to my cousins so I honestly don't feel like I should have to "check in" to make her feel I love her and care for her because I show her every single day.

[SaltySweet]

I... feel like this isn't a good relationship for you, but maybe it can be salvaged into one?

Express to her that while she has things she finds important, your ability to have a few hours a day or a day a week to be your own person is vital to your mental health and you think she should take time to just enjoy her family/friends, too, because you need to take care of each other but you need other voices taking care of you both too.

You can try being open with her about where you're going and when you'll be around. Ask her if when you're around, if she's feeling like something is still missing, because you know this is important to her and want to meet her part of the way. Maybe you can fit in texts, for her sake? Just a small 'The match is going sour! I'm going to give attention to supporting my team but please send strength from where you are!' or whatever cute things in your own words (just a simple 'it's going well hope you're enjoying your day would even work). If you have a few minutes, you can call her for a literal few minutes. Ask for the run down of her day and express your interest in hearing about it when you get home. Or text her and express your interest in telling her about what was going on when you were out to her, because you want to keep her in the loop.

What's likely happening is that she's internalized something and is seeing things wrong. Maybe she just needs reminding that she still exists to you when when she isn't there? Then she can relax on that leash she's trying to put you on... Snapchat might help! Because then you can send her a little glimpse of what's up and she can feel like she's being kept close and you still have your space? Good luck!

[smackie9]

She gets nothing but attention and care from me which is why I'm very perplexed by her comments about me not caring. At the start of our relationship I could understand because I was absolutely rubbish at keeping in touch but I've changed massively since then. Now, I rarely go out unless it's with her or as mentioned above when I go to my cousins so I honestly don't feel like I should have to "check in" to make her feel I love her and care for her because I show her every single day.

This is a form of abuse. She is being possessive and controlling...not healthy at all. Now turn it around. If your sister's husband was like this what would you think? Making her check in while she was out, doesn't go out like she used to, and she showers him in affection, but still he can't trust her. She tells you he keeps manipulating her, by telling her she doesn't love or care about him.