Advice to young lady dating an Irish man

[Blp2389]

Ive been dating an Irish man for 3 months or so. When we started, we agreed we would have only casual sex, no strings attached.
I dont know why (and I blamed culture at first, cause I am latin and we have a different way of behaving even in casual relationships) he was always a jerk and I felt like a prostitute many times. I thought it was something in my head, tho. So I insisted, since sex with him is really great. At some point I started realizing I was having feelings for him and told him so. I felt my self esteem very low, of course, cause it doesnt seem rational to fall for someone with who you never talk to and who treats you in a cold distant way.
He has other women and never hesitates in telling me that when he thinks is convenient. He messaged me a few times drunk saying sexual stuff but also "would you be my wife?".
Probably because I decided to ignore him despite my feelings, he decided to be a nice guy. Days ago he introduced me to his friends one day, and talked to me about personal issues and his child (and I didnt know he had a child) on the other day. He was drunk in both times we had this close conversations and meetings. When he is sober he is just as distant as usual.
Asking him what is going on wont work because he is a quiet, distant person and would probably say I am whining.
And the truth is that I dont know what to think about it. It is new for me and I am depressed abt this. Is this me being anxious and overthinking something that might be just starting? Maybe he is opening up...? Maybe I should give it some time and see what happens? Or is it my prudence raising the red flag trying to say "get over it cause you wouldnt be treated like this by someone who really cares or who was really trying to care about you"?
What do you guys think?

[Julia]

These casual sex relationships seem very inviting. You get the best of both worlds: a friend you can hang out with and a regular sex partner you can trust, without all of the drama involved in a romantic relationship. The thing is, it can turn into a sticky situation rather quickly. Before you enter into a sexual relationship with someone with whom you are only platonically linked, it's a good idea to take a few things into consideration.

These relationships do work for some people. Men tend to find it easier, as they are almost universally capable of having sexual relations without tying in emotion. Women are a little different, however. We tend to tie in romanticism with sexual interaction whether we want to or not. There is a chemical release in our brains that accompanies erotic stimulation and orgasm. While you may be a strong, confident, independent and sexually aware being, it is difficult to combat a base chemical reaction when it occurs.

Sex in women triggers the release of all sorts of chemicals. Adrenalin, endorphins and a particular chemical called oxytocin. Oxytocin is the major culprit in this scenario. It makes a woman instinctually feel a bond with anyone she interacts with sexually, regardless of whether there is an actual emotional or romantic bond there already. It can be disastrous in a casual relationship, when neither party is really looking for a relationship, but the woman in the pair starts to have feelings she didn't even want to have in the first place.

You will need to be prepared for this occurrence if you start a "friends with benfits" relationship. You must be ready to combat the chemicals that will push you into wanting more from the man you're sleeping with. These casual relationships almost never turn into anything more than what they start out as, and you need to recognize that before going in. It is a good idea to only allow these relationships to last a short time because of this fact.

Another added risk is that most women enter these agreements with men who are already platonic friends. Starting a sexual relationship with someone who is already a part of your life can be dangerous. What if you develop romantic feelings for your friend? Are you willing to risk that friendship for a little sex here and there?

In the end, it is up to you. If you feel you can handle the situation (and all the chemicals your brain produces because of it), try it out. It does work for some people, though those are few and far between. Just remember to keep your cool and not get too attached!

[Sammy]

My candid advice to you is not to be carried away by this relationship. You are simply having feelings for him because you are a woman, and don't think it's the same for him. One thing you must understand about men is that sex don't make men fall in love. In other words, the fact that he is having sex with you doesn't mean he is now having feelings for you. Men are the opposite of women in this issue. So, don't get attached in any way.