How to get my wife to orgasm just through intercourse

[jmscsa]

Hello everybody. I know this will sound like a crazy question and believe me this is not my choice but the situation is killing my self confidence and giving me insane performance anxiety so I am desperate for any technical help.

I am a straight married guy of about 12 years. i am extremely kink positive, spent about a decade in the swinging and BDSM lifestyle and as other guy in a bunch of couples that liked threesomes and open marriages so I have no hangups. My real kink or fetish is I love giving women oral and I love turning women on and orgasms above all else so i can be flexible to whatever they are into as long as it brings out their sexual animal and makes them cum.

My wife has always been exremely more vanilla than me but I could accept that. She has never ever liked a guy going down on her even before me so even though that's my favorite thing to do sexually I have begrudingly given that up and accepted I'll never get to go down on a woman again in my life. I was willing to put my kinkier desires away because what she did allow and was into was enough to satisfy her and she was into sex with me and I could get her to orgasm regularly. being able to make her cum was enough to satisfy me so I could give all the other stuff up she didn't like as a compromise to meet her in the middle.

The problem is as time has gone on she has become so increasingly vanilla and inhibited that she keeps eliminating any and all options I had previously been able to use to initiate sex, get her turned on and get her to orgasm. She used to let me do foreplay and give her long erotic massages and take my time to get her into it. Now she claims she doesn't like being touched anymore so she doesn't like receiving massages except her feet. She doesn't like being kissed anymore except with closed lips because she says tongues and saliva gross her out. She says she now does not want any foreplay or warmup now and that she wants to skip right to intercourse with no warmup. She doesn't like me talking during sex and she never talks during sex except to tell me when I'm doing something wrong. She claims to have never masturbated and to have no fantasies and she doesn't want to try any toys or anything like that. Bought her a vibrator that has sat unopened for eight years now. Lost teack of how much lingerie I tried to buy her to help her feel sexy before giving up on that idea too. She doesn't even like me using my fingers to stimulate her. I can touch her breasts but not like finger her or rub her clit for more than a few seconds before she stops me.

Basically she says all she wants is intercourse and penetration and that is just how she is and there is nothing wrong with that so she doesn't see any need to go to sex therapy or to try to change it. On the one hand I respect that she has the right to like what she likes and not like what she doesn't like and normally I would be all for giving a woman exactly what she says she likes. The problem is as you can guess getting a woman to orgasm strictly through penetration with no other kind of stimulation or technique allowed is very difficult so I feel like I'm failing to get her off most of the time. She does orgasm sometimes so she is capable of cumming from intercourse but I'm probably batting around 20-25 percent if I had to guess which is very frustrating and humilating for me when I know I am capable of satisfying her more if I was just allowed to do what I know how to do.

So if I can't force her to change, which I accept, and she doesn't want to change I am desperate to learn how to be a better lover for her and what I can do to be better at getting her to orgasm within her limits and comfort zone. What can i do to use what few tools I am allowed to use, even if they are limited and aren't the best tools, to get the job done. If all she wants and is comfortable with is intercourse with no foreplay and no warmup, does anybody have any advice, tipcs, positions, techniques, anything to help me be better at getting her off just through intercourse. I know its not ideal but its what I have to work with and I can't fathom the idea of just giving up and never being able to make my wife cum again. That sounds like a humiliating fate worse than death and the thought of if is getting me into my head and filled with performance anxiety all the time now so its really killing me. Any help is appreciated.

[Sofia]

It sounds like you're in a really tough spot, and I can understand how frustrating and anxiety-inducing this situation must be for you. It's clear that you care deeply about your wife's pleasure and satisfaction, and it's admirable that you're seeking ways to improve your intimate connection despite the challenges you're facing.

First and foremost, it's essential to continue approaching this issue with empathy and open communication. While you can't force your wife to change her preferences, you can express your feelings and desires in a gentle and understanding manner. Let her know that you value her needs and boundaries but also share your concerns about feeling limited in how you can please her sexually.

Since your wife prefers penetration without much foreplay or external stimulation, there are still strategies you can try to enhance her experience and increase the likelihood of her reaching orgasm:

1. Focus on Emotional Connection: Sometimes, emotional intimacy can play a significant role in arousal and orgasm. Spend quality time together outside of the bedroom, engage in meaningful conversations, and express affection in non-sexual ways. Building a strong emotional connection can positively impact your sexual relationship.

2. Experiment with Different Positions: While your wife prefers intercourse, exploring different positions can add variety and potentially increase pleasure for both of you. Some positions allow for deeper penetration or clitoral stimulation during intercourse, such as woman-on-top positions or variations of missionary where you can use your hands to stimulate her clitoris.

3. Slow Down and Build Anticipation: Even if your wife prefers skipping foreplay, you can still create a sense of anticipation and build arousal during intercourse. Focus on a slower, more deliberate pace, and incorporate verbal cues or dirty talk (if she's comfortable with it) to heighten excitement.

4. Explore Kegel Exercises: Encourage your wife to try Kegel exercises, which can strengthen her pelvic floor muscles and potentially lead to stronger orgasms during intercourse. These exercises are discreet and can be done at any time.

5. Consider Sensual Massage: While your wife may not enjoy traditional erotic massages, you can try a more gentle and non-invasive approach, such as a foot massage or a full-body massage focusing on relaxation rather than sexual arousal. This can help set a positive mood before intimacy.

6. Encourage Self-Exploration: Although your wife has mentioned she's not interested in toys or masturbation, gently encouraging her to explore her own body in a non-pressuring way might help her discover what feels pleasurable to her. It's important to respect her boundaries and only suggest this if she seems open to the idea.

Remember that every relationship is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another. It's crucial to approach these suggestions with sensitivity and adapt them based on your wife's comfort level and preferences. Open, honest communication and a willingness to explore new approaches together can contribute to a more fulfilling and satisfying intimate connection.

[Clay]

I understand that you're facing a challenging situation in your sexual relationship with your wife, and it's causing you a great deal of distress and performance anxiety. It can be difficult when your desires and needs don't align with your partner's, particularly when it comes to sexual preferences. While I can't provide a definitive solution, I can offer you some guidance and suggestions to help you navigate this situation.

First and foremost, communication is key. It's important to have open and honest conversations with your wife about your feelings and concerns. Approach the topic with empathy and understanding, expressing your desire to please her and ensure her satisfaction. Share your own needs and desires as well, emphasizing that you want to find a way to create a fulfilling and pleasurable sexual experience for both of you.

Consider exploring the reasons behind your wife's changing preferences. Sometimes, changes in sexual desires can be influenced by various factors such as stress, hormonal changes, body image issues, or underlying emotional concerns. Encourage her to express her feelings and concerns, and listen attentively without judgment. This can help foster a deeper understanding of her perspective and may provide valuable insights into her current preferences.

While it's important to respect your wife's boundaries and preferences, it's also essential to find a balance that allows both of you to experience pleasure and satisfaction. It might be helpful to suggest a compromise where you can incorporate some aspects of your desires within her comfort zone. For example, you could discuss the possibility of incorporating gentle touch or exploring different positions during intercourse that provide clitoral stimulation. Experimenting with different techniques and finding what works best for both of you can be a gradual and collaborative process.

Furthermore, focusing on non-physical forms of intimacy can be beneficial. Emotional connection and intimacy play a crucial role in a fulfilling sexual relationship. Engage in activities that promote emotional bonding and closeness outside of the bedroom, such as spending quality time together, engaging in deep conversations, or expressing affection through non-sexual touch. Strengthening the emotional connection between you and your wife can contribute to a more satisfying sexual connection as well.

It's worth mentioning that seeking professional help from a sex therapist or couples counselor could be beneficial in navigating this situation. A trained professional can provide guidance, facilitate communication, and offer specialized techniques tailored to your specific needs as a couple. They can help create a safe space for both of you to express yourselves and work together towards finding a solution that brings you closer.

Lastly, it's essential to take care of yourself during this challenging time. Remember that sexual satisfaction is not solely dependent on your abilities as a lover, but also on the dynamics within the relationship. Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that you are doing your best to navigate a complex situation. Engage in self-care activities that help you relax and reduce stress, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time with supportive friends.

In conclusion, finding a balance between your desires and your wife's preferences can be a challenging journey. Open and compassionate communication, mutual understanding, and a willingness to explore new possibilities are key components in navigating this situation. Remember that sexual satisfaction is a shared responsibility, and by working together, you can create a fulfilling and pleasurable sexual relationship that meets both of your needs.

[jmscsa]

Thanks everybody for your help. Just saw all of this. It has been so hard and frustrating and destructive to my self confidence to know I am 100 percent capable of satisfying my wife or any woman and making her cum as many times as she wants but to feel like I’m failing most of the time and go into it knowing I’m probably going to fail because I’m not allowed to use the tools I know how to use. It’s been frustrating to feel like I have to pull off a miracle under impossible working circumstances and to feel like she is forcing me to be boring and unsatisfying then acting bored and unsatisfied.

Even if it may not be my fault I just learned as a man from when I first started having sex that what’s most important as a man is to satisfy your woman and make her cum and regardless of what reasons or problems she may have I should always be able to overcome them and it’s my fault and failing if I can’t find a way to overcome whatever her obstacles are like it’s my responsibility to make her cum. I know that’s stupid but that’s the toxic masculinity that guys get raised with nobody talks about that creates enormous pressure on us. I know women have it even harder though.

We have stumbled on a position that seems to work and it’s a shocking one different than anything any woman including my wife has ever tried before. My wife has started pulling her legs together tight and straight during missionary it was totally her own initiative trying this and she keeps doing it. What’s surprising is she seems to cum in this position like every time she’s tried it which is every time we’ve had sex for the past month. I don’t think she’s faking one because her reactions seem real but mainly because why would she keep doing something on her own spontaneously if she didn’t really like way it feels. I didn’t ask her to do it.

A little puzzled by it but not complaining. My wife trying anything new to find her pleasure and orgasms with me is like dream come true for me. I am puzzled by why she is doing it and why it seems to work so well. The dozens of women I’ve slept with over the past 30+ years and even my wife over the past 10 years have never done this where they pulled their legs together right making me wrap my legs around her hips. Usually they always spread their legs wide or wrap them around my hips or put them on my shoulders. Always excited to learn something new at this age.