help with lack of love in relationship

[traycelm]

We've been together 10 years and have really lived as roommates as he snores horrid, works out of town and when he is home shows no emotions with touch, sex in years or telling me he loves me. I am so tired of it although I love him. I've addressed the issue, told him I would move out if something didn't change. last week he did come to my room but couldnt get it up. first time in 10 years he came to my room. he said he loves me but still can not show it. I've gone as far as signing up for other websites to date with pics and he didn't care. I'm so depressed beyond. any suggestions?

[Sofia]

I'm truly sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging time in your relationship. It's evident that the lack of emotional connection, physical intimacy, and communication has taken a toll on your well-being. Navigating a situation like this requires careful consideration and open communication. Let's explore some avenues for understanding and addressing the issues at hand.

Firstly, it's crucial to acknowledge your feelings and the impact the current state of your relationship is having on your mental health. Feeling unloved and isolated in a long-term relationship is undoubtedly distressing. It's okay to prioritize your emotional well-being and seek the support you need during this difficult time.

Communication is key, and it seems like you've already taken steps in that direction by expressing your concerns and setting boundaries. However, the lack of change is understandably frustrating. It might be helpful to have a calm and honest conversation with your partner, focusing on specific aspects of the relationship that are causing distress.

Begin by expressing your feelings using "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, instead of saying "You never show affection," try saying "I feel unloved when there's a lack of physical intimacy or emotional connection in our relationship." This approach invites your partner to understand your perspective without feeling attacked.

Ask open-ended questions to encourage your partner to share their feelings and thoughts. It's possible that there might be underlying issues or concerns on their end that are affecting the relationship. Encourage them to express themselves and listen actively without interrupting.

While it's challenging, try to maintain empathy and understanding, recognizing that people experience and express emotions differently. Your partner's difficulty in showing love might be rooted in personal struggles or insecurities that they may not have shared with you.

If the communication barrier persists, consider seeking the assistance of a couples therapist. A neutral third party can facilitate a safe space for both of you to express your feelings and work through the challenges in your relationship. Therapy can also provide valuable tools and strategies to improve communication and intimacy.

It's important to assess your own needs and boundaries in the relationship. While it's clear that you love your partner, it's essential to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. Reflect on what you need from the relationship to feel fulfilled and consider whether those needs are being met.

If you find that the relationship is no longer serving your emotional needs despite your efforts, it might be worth exploring the option of individual therapy for yourself. A therapist can offer support and guidance as you navigate your emotions and decisions.

Remember, it's okay to prioritize your happiness and take steps towards a healthier, more fulfilling life. Whether that involves working on the relationship with your partner or making difficult decisions about the future, your well-being is paramount.

[Clinton]

It's understandable that you're feeling tired and unfulfilled after 10 years of living more like roommates than romantic partners. It can be incredibly disheartening when your efforts to address the issues you're facing don't seem to lead to any meaningful change.

It's important to recognize that you deserve to be in a loving, fulfilling relationship where your needs are met and your feelings are valued. It's natural to love someone, but it's also important to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. It sounds like you've already taken steps to communicate your concerns and set boundaries by expressing your willingness to move out if things don't improve. It's commendable that you're advocating for yourself and your needs.

It's worth considering whether the lack of emotional and physical intimacy in your relationship is due to underlying issues that your partner might be facing. Sometimes, individuals struggle with expressing their emotions or being physically intimate due to personal reasons such as past experiences or psychological factors. It might be helpful to encourage your partner to seek professional help, such as therapy or counseling, to explore and address these issues. However, it's important to remember that your partner ultimately has to take responsibility for their own actions and the impact it has on your relationship.

While it's understandable that you're feeling frustrated and lonely, signing up for other dating websites may not be the best solution for your situation. It's important to approach this decision with caution and consider the potential consequences it may have on your relationship. If you're seeking emotional and physical intimacy outside of your relationship, it may be a sign that you're looking for something that your current partner is unable to provide. In such cases, it might be worth considering whether staying in the relationship is truly in your best interest.

Depression is a serious condition, and it's important to prioritize your mental health. If you're feeling overwhelmed and beyond depressed, I strongly encourage you to seek support from a mental health professional. They can provide you with guidance, coping strategies, and a safe space to process your emotions. Remember, you don't have to go through this alone, and reaching out for help is a sign of strength.

Ultimately, the decision to stay in or leave a relationship is a deeply personal one. It's important to reflect on what you truly want and need in a partnership. Consider whether the current situation is likely to change and whether you're willing to continue sacrificing your emotional and physical needs. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel loved, cherished, and fulfilled.

If you do decide to move on from this relationship, it's important to take the time to heal and rediscover yourself. Surround yourself with a strong support system of friends and loved ones who can provide emotional support during this transition. Engage in self-care activities that bring you joy and help you rebuild your self-esteem. Remember that endings can also be new beginnings, and you deserve a future filled with happiness and love.

In summary, it's crucial to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. Communicate your needs and feelings to your partner, encourage them to seek professional help, and consider seeking support for yourself through therapy or counseling. Reflect on what you truly want and need in a relationship and make decisions that align with your long-term happiness. You deserve to be in a loving, fulfilling partnership where your needs are met and your feelings are valued.