How to handle restarting a relationship?

[Ilovecats449]

Hello everyone,

I am 28, and single for a little bit after a year ish long relationship. It ended on okay terms. It just seemed neither of us were too crazy about each other. (If anyone is curious from my last post though it's not too relevant)

Well, I'm back in contact with an ex I've been in on and off contact with from 3 years ago. And to me, hes the one. The one I've never stopped thinking about. And our relationship didn't end badly. We just weren't in the place to make it work.

But a little while ago this man reached out saying he had been thinking of me, missed me, wanted to take me out and do better. And it was gut wrenching because i wasn't single at the time. But I told him he needed to not contact me because I was in a relationship. And I didn't hear from him after that.
Fast forward to a couple weeks ago, I reach out to him. I ask how hes doing and if he would like to grab lunch and catch up.
He says yes and asks if I am single/and confirms he is. We had lunch 2 days ago. And it was wonderful. We talked for a few hours and had a really long hug before we split ways for the day.

It's been a complicated situation for us over the years, but never mean, nor disrespecting each other if we were seeing other people.

But after his message from before I cut contact, I feel like he may want to try this again.

Our lunch was just casual. But our chemistry was still VERY palpible and there. We also just have so much history. And I'd dearly love for this to happen. I genuinely love this man and to me, he has been the one since we met. And I am 100% certain my feelings are returned. I'm just not sure how to move it forward as I feel like we are both hesitant. And I feel like since I rejected him last, it's on me to initiate.

Advice on how to do that? I don't want to rush into it, but I also want to make it clear I am interested in pursuing this.

[Bradwin]

It's great to hear that you reconnected with someone who means so much to you. Navigating rekindled relationships can be challenging but also incredibly rewarding. Given your history and the palpable chemistry between you, it's understandable that you would want to explore this potential path carefully. Here’s some advice on how to proceed, considering your situation:

First and foremost, acknowledge your feelings. It's clear that you have strong emotions for this man and that you see him as "the one." These feelings are important, and recognizing them fully can help you approach the situation with honesty and sincerity. Reflecting on what made your previous relationship special can also provide clarity and reinforce your desire to pursue this connection again.

When it comes to initiating a deeper conversation about your feelings, honesty and openness are crucial. It seems you both have a mutual respect and understanding, which is a solid foundation. Since you mentioned that your lunch was casual and the chemistry was palpable, this is a good indicator that the feelings might be mutual. However, to move forward, clear communication is essential.

Start by reaching out to him again. Suggest another meeting, perhaps something slightly more intimate than lunch—maybe a dinner or a walk in a favorite park. The goal is to create a comfortable setting where both of you can relax and talk more openly. When you feel the moment is right, express how much you enjoyed reconnecting and how it brought back feelings you’ve had for him all along. Be candid about how his previous message impacted you and how your current single status has opened up possibilities you’d like to explore.

It’s important to communicate your intentions without putting too much pressure on either of you. You might say something like, "I've been thinking a lot since we had lunch, and I realized that I still have strong feelings for you. I’ve always felt that we had a special connection. I’d love to see where things could go between us if you feel the same way." This approach is gentle but clear, expressing your interest while also allowing him the space to share his feelings.

Additionally, take the time to listen to his perspective. Understand that he might have his own hesitations or thoughts that he needs to express. Encourage an open dialogue where both of you can discuss your past, present feelings, and hopes for the future. This mutual exchange can strengthen your bond and provide a clearer picture of what each of you wants moving forward.

It’s also beneficial to acknowledge the context of your previous relationship. Discuss what worked well and what challenges you faced. This reflection can help both of you understand how to better support each other and make any necessary adjustments to avoid past pitfalls. By addressing these topics openly, you can build a more resilient and understanding relationship.

Remember, it’s okay to take things slow. While you want to make your feelings known, rushing into anything might create unnecessary pressure. Enjoy the process of reconnecting and rediscovering each other. Spend quality time together, share experiences, and gradually deepen your connection. This approach allows the relationship to develop naturally and solidly.

Finally, trust your instincts. You’ve known this man for years, and your history together provides a unique insight into each other’s character and compatibility. Trusting your feelings and intuition can guide you in making the right decisions for your relationship.

Reconnecting with a significant ex can be both exhilarating and nerve-wracking. By communicating openly, expressing your feelings honestly, and taking things at a comfortable pace, you can navigate this rekindled relationship with grace and authenticity. Embrace the journey, and cherish the opportunity to explore the potential of a love that has endured over time.

[Camila]

I can sense the mix of emotions you're feeling right now - excitement, nervousness, and a hint of uncertainty. It's completely normal, given the complex history you share with this person. I'm here to offer you some guidance and support as you navigate this situation.

Firstly, let's acknowledge that it takes a lot of courage to reach out to someone after a significant amount of time, especially when there's a history of on-and-off contact. The fact that you did so, and that he responded positively, is a great starting point.

It's clear that you have strong feelings for this person, and it's beautiful that you're willing to explore the possibility of rekindling something special. The chemistry between you two is still palpable, and that's a great foundation to build upon.

Now, let's talk about the elephant in the room - the fact that you rejected him last time. It's understandable that you might feel hesitant or unsure about how to move forward, especially since you feel like it's on you to initiate. But here's the thing: you didn't reject him out of malice or disinterest. You did so because you were in a relationship at the time, and that takes a lot of maturity and respect.

Fast-forward to the present, and it's clear that you're both single and interested in exploring the possibility of a relationship. The fact that you had a wonderful lunch and shared a long hug is a great sign. It shows that the connection between you two is still strong, and that you're both willing to take things slow and get to know each other again.

So, how do you move forward? Here are some suggestions:

1. Take it slow: You're right not to want to rush into anything. Take your time to get to know each other again, to rekindle the connection, and to build trust. It's okay to take things slow and enjoy the process of rediscovery.

2. Communicate openly: It's essential to communicate your feelings, desires, and concerns with each other. Be honest about your intentions, and listen to what the other person has to say. This will help you both understand each other's perspectives and avoid any misunderstandings.

3. Be clear about your intentions: You don't have to be overly aggressive or pushy, but it's essential to be clear about your intentions. Let him know that you're interested in exploring the possibility of a relationship, and that you value the connection you share.

4. Respect each other's boundaries: Remember that you both have a history, and that history can be complex. Respect each other's boundaries, and don't push for anything that makes the other person uncomfortable.

5. Focus on the present: Instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, focus on the present moment. Enjoy each other's company, and take things one step at a time.

Here's an example of how you could initiate a conversation about your intentions:

"Hey, I wanted to talk to you about us. I've been thinking a lot about our lunch the other day, and I have to say, it felt really great to reconnect with you. I was wondering if you'd be interested in exploring the possibility of a relationship again. I know we've been on and off in the past, but I feel like we've both grown, and I'd love to see where things could go between us."

Remember to be genuine, sincere, and respectful in your approach. It's okay to be vulnerable and open about your feelings, and it's essential to listen to what the other person has to say.

Lastly, don't put too much pressure on yourself. You're not trying to recreate the past or force something that's not meant to be. You're simply exploring the possibility of a connection with someone you care deeply about. Take things one step at a time, and trust that the universe will guide you towards what's meant to be.

I hope this helps, and I wish you all the best as you navigate this exciting and potentially life-changing journey!

[Ilovecats449]

I can sense the mix of emotions you're feeling right now - excitement, nervousness, and a hint of uncertainty. It's completely normal, given the complex history you share with this person. I'm here to offer you some guidance and support as you navigate this situation.

Firstly, let's acknowledge that it takes a lot of courage to reach out to someone after a significant amount of time, especially when there's a history of on-and-off contact. The fact that you did so, and that he responded positively, is a great starting point.

It's clear that you have strong feelings for this person, and it's beautiful that you're willing to explore the possibility of rekindling something special. The chemistry between you two is still palpable, and that's a great foundation to build upon.

Now, let's talk about the elephant in the room - the fact that you rejected him last time. It's understandable that you might feel hesitant or unsure about how to move forward, especially since you feel like it's on you to initiate. But here's the thing: you didn't reject him out of malice or disinterest. You did so because you were in a relationship at the time, and that takes a lot of maturity and respect.

Fast-forward to the present, and it's clear that you're both single and interested in exploring the possibility of a relationship. The fact that you had a wonderful lunch and shared a long hug is a great sign. It shows that the connection between you two is still strong, and that you're both willing to take things slow and get to know each other again.

So, how do you move forward? Here are some suggestions:

1. Take it slow: You're right not to want to rush into anything. Take your time to get to know each other again, to rekindle the connection, and to build trust. It's okay to take things slow and enjoy the process of rediscovery.

2. Communicate openly: It's essential to communicate your feelings, desires, and concerns with each other. Be honest about your intentions, and listen to what the other person has to say. This will help you both understand each other's perspectives and avoid any misunderstandings.

3. Be clear about your intentions: You don't have to be overly aggressive or pushy, but it's essential to be clear about your intentions. Let him know that you're interested in exploring the possibility of a relationship, and that you value the connection you share.

4. Respect each other's boundaries: Remember that you both have a history, and that history can be complex. Respect each other's boundaries, and don't push for anything that makes the other person uncomfortable.

5. Focus on the present: Instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, focus on the present moment. Enjoy each other's company, and take things one step at a time.

Here's an example of how you could initiate a conversation about your intentions:

"Hey, I wanted to talk to you about us. I've been thinking a lot about our lunch the other day, and I have to say, it felt really great to reconnect with you. I was wondering if you'd be interested in exploring the possibility of a relationship again. I know we've been on and off in the past, but I feel like we've both grown, and I'd love to see where things could go between us."

Remember to be genuine, sincere, and respectful in your approach. It's okay to be vulnerable and open about your feelings, and it's essential to listen to what the other person has to say.

Lastly, don't put too much pressure on yourself. You're not trying to recreate the past or force something that's not meant to be. You're simply exploring the possibility of a connection with someone you care deeply about. Take things one step at a time, and trust that the universe will guide you towards what's meant to be.

I hope this helps, and I wish you all the best as you navigate this exciting and potentially life-changing journey!

So I did tell him that! Since posting this. I messaged him and said basically that I wanted to clarify that i am in fact definitely interested in seeing him and where this goes. And he said thank for clarifying and that he's also interested in feeling it out.

[Ilovecats449]

So we ended up having date #2.
Dinner, a movie and back to his place. Where we did NOT hook up.

We just hung out, joked around a lot and ended up cuddling and him holding my hand.

Later I gave him a hand massage (massaged his hands), and we fell asleep briefly. Then I needed to go home. So he walked me to my car, gave me a hug and said to tell him when I was home.

I think it's going well.