Whenever you read anything on the subject of "approach anxiety", it's usually in the context of KILLING it dead.

Words like "beating", "overcoming" and even "conquering" are usually used in context.

But wait a second. Is that what's really necessary? In fact, let me ask you this: Is that really what you WANT to do?

As silly as it may sound on the surface, that really is a fair question.

After all, if we're utterly petrified by fear of "rejection" such that we don't come anywhere close to ever talking to women we have never met, then it could indeed look like the obvious solution is
to eliminate the fear.

Here's what I think, though.

I don't think the main point should be to get rid of the fear and trepidation. Rather, we should be talking about harnessing that energy and using it to our advantage.

Is a skydiver "fearless" when he jumps out of a plane?

Can a freestyle motocrosser help but be physiologically nervous before attempting a double front-flip for the first time in competition?

In either instance, the obvious answer is "of course not".

If you were to actually ask any those guys what's going on inside before they "go big", they'll all tell you the same thing: It's the adrenaline rush of the moment that really, truly motivates them.

It's not like they're Mr. Spock up there. They're human. Emotions roll like thunder.

Right at the beginning of the Major League Baseball playoffs several years ago, ESPN interviewed perennial all-star Yankee shortstop and future hall-of-famer Derek Jeter. Here's direct a quote from the story:

Now 37, Jeter won't feel a bit different from when he was a
21-year-old rookie. "You have butterflies every time," Jeter said.
"I think it is good to have butterflies. It means you still care."

To me, that captures the point perfectly.

When meeting women, you definitely don't want to chicken out. But if you can have the courage to acknowledge the "butterflies" and approach anyway, you'll LOVE the feeling.

After all, the prospect of meeting a new female human being you might have chemistry with SHOULD be as exciting to you as the possibility of winning a baseball championship.

The fact that something very real is at stake SHOULD be exciting instead of horrifying.

Like Derek Jeter, you SHOULD still "care".

The nerves you feel before boldly approaching a woman SHOULD remind you that you're alive, not make you wish you were dead.

So why not go for it? What is there to gain by feeling like you're in a championship game rather than watching from the sidelines? In a word: everything.

Only the participants in the sport can ever win a ring, never the spectators.

Let me close with one final, related note. Go ahead and congratulate yourself if and when a woman adores you upon meeting you.

There's no harm in letting something feel "too good to be true" after you've already found out it IS true. The danger lies in believing something is "too good to be true" beforehand, and therefore never even trying.

If you "have to pinch yourself" when a great woman enters your life, so be it. That's part of the spoils of gaining the confidence to believe you can get the women you want.

Like a World Series champion lifting the trophy, it's not you can't believe you were successful, it's just that it's a long-awaited great feeling that has finally become a reality.

And don't kid yourself, with the Indians and Cubbies in the Series this time around, SOMEONE is going to achieve a surrealistically sweet victory after decades upon decades of futility.

For many of that team's long-suffering fans, that's going to seem "too good to be true". But make no mistake, the players on the team will have BELIEVED enough to make it happen.

How cool is that?