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And as you probably know by now, I have a device I call The Depth Chart that I recommend in such cases.
Essentially, what you do is identify the ten most important factors to you when it comes to evaluating great woman, assign each factor ten points, and proceed to (quite literally) grade every woman you date accordingly.
The Depth Chart is especially effective for helping right-brained types apply some objective reasoning to the process of evaluating women.
Although that can sound a bit cold, the only alternative for many is getting "clouded by beauty-vision".
But that's not to say that I advocate replacing "beauty-vision" with utter blindness.
Here's what I mean.
The other day, it happened again.
A guy sent back his version of The Depth Chart, and although there was a fine collection of virtuous traits listed from 1-10, not a single one of them indicated any concern whatsoever about how the woman of his dreams might look, let alone whether or not she'd turn him on sexually in the least.
In fact, the ten factors he listed could theoretically be as useful for vetting guy friends as it was for evaluating women.
Having seen this sort of thing before, I responded as I have in the past.
"What you've written is terrific, but I just want to make sure that a woman's looks don't matter at all to you.
In other words, even if she's well outside the boundaries of what you would consider physically attractive, you'll still be able to get sexually turned on by her enough to procreate--as long as she's exemplary in these ten areas you've listed.
Is that correct?"
"Absolutely NOT. I would love for her to be incredibly beautiful and sexier than I can imagine."
"So then, why isn't that reflected in some way in your Depth Chart?"
"Well, it just seemed SHALLOW of me to say anything about that."
Shallow, huh?
Where did we ever get the idea that desiring a beautiful woman who makes us sexually excited was shallow?
Probably from a similar place to where women tend to hear that wanting a man "who can provide for her" is equally shallow.
Listen up. If a woman says she wants a man who can earn a decent living so that she can be freed up to be a full-time mom and/or devote herself to supportive, joy-inducing pursuits for the family that's NOT shallow.
That's how her desires are hard-wired.
She's not necessarily a "gold digger", either.
She probably doesn't require millions of dollars and a calendar full of "shopping dates".
She'll likely be able to appreciate you for far more reasons than simply for your ability to provide materially.
And usually she'll be perfectly willing to offer her unique, feminine gifts to you in return...each one guaranteed to enhance your life immensely.
Similarly, you as a normal, red-blooded man are hard-wired to be attracted to physically beautiful, sexy women.
Now granted, your idea of exactly what that means may be very different than what it means to some other guy.
But make no mistake: Unless your intention is purely to use a woman sexually or to treat her as little more than "arm candy", your desire for her to be beautiful and sexually attractive is NOT shallow.
It's simply an integral part of what makes a woman great in your eyes.
So while you don't want to fill your Depth Chart up exclusively with body part requirements, it's more than okay to take your dream woman's looks and sexual attractiveness into consideration.
Even if her mind truly does turn you on (you sapiosexual devil, you) put that in a different column.
To be sure, logical, objective support can be lifted from biology and evolutionary psychology for your tendency to favor physically attractive women.
Certain traits we as men tend to find sexually attractive are visual indicators of health, strength and fertility. The 7/10 waist-to-hips ratio comes to mind.
So yes, you could defend against being called "shallow" with pure science, and you'd have a valid case.
But guess what? I think you can sweep all of that under the carpet.
All you really need to do in order to prove once-and-for-all that you are not "shallow" for caring about a woman's visual sexual attractiveness is to watch what happens when a man settles.
That's right. And I'm talking about what happens to both the man and the woman in such cases...especially the woman, in fact.
First of all, wherever the couple goes the man will be ashamed of her, won't he?
Let's face it: one of the key ways we as men judge each other is by the women we're with. And hard-wired as we are, that comes down to what they look like.
So when we show up with a woman who we find unattractive, we feel flat-out humiliated by her in the presence of our peers.
Show me a man whose social proof is damaged, and I'll show you a man who will in turn become less confident and therefore less attractive to the woman he's with.
Do you see the vicious, attraction-killing cycle forming already?
But there's more.
The truth is that every woman wants her man to view her as the most beautiful woman in the world in his eyes.
Think about it. Even if a woman manages to cajole a guy who's clearly not attracted to her into a relationship by telling him he's "shallow" for wanting a woman who's prettier than she is, how happy is she really going to be?
Will she tolerate his wandering eye during the next trip to the shopping mall?
Of course she won't. He'll probably get his cranium cracked with a rolling pin or something.
Why? Because she'll feel humiliated also.
And two humiliated partners do not a great relationship make.
So then, what happens when either of them becomes sexually frustrated in the least?
Dare I even speak about what happens when she wants to have a baby and he can't even stomach the thought of having sex with her?
The tragedy here is that based on how subjective looks are anyway, another guy may have been far better at meeting her overall needs than the guy who she guilt-tripped out of being "shallow" and into a relationship with her...had desperation not ruled the day.
Stop and think for a moment how utterly insane that idea is.
The solution is simple. As always, we as men have a golden opportunity to lead.
Stop being a martyr for some lame representation of political correctness and admit to yourself--proudly--that you will settle for nothing less than the complete package when it comes to finding a great woman.
The bottom line is that she's got to be beautiful and sexually attractive to you, or even she won't be happy.
No apology is necessary...unless you marry a woman you aren't particularly attracted to, of course.
It's only then that you'll need to apologize for keeping her from the guy who would have appreciated her way more than you ever will.
What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below!