Tweet
That said, for what it's worth I've yet to meet any red-blooded guy--regardless of where he stands morally on the issue--who isn't going to look at a naked hottie if confronted (even by surprise) with a picture or a video of her. Enough said on that.
But women, who are typically turned on sexually by a different subset of factors than men are, are wired differently. While they can certainly appreciate sexiness in its visual form, their outlet for vicarious sexual satisfaction usually involves stimulation of imaginative fantasies. In other words, they're more interested in the storyline; the "build up" to a torrid sexual climax, if you will.
The simple fact that romance novels are nearly as popular with women as visual pornography is with men is all the proof you need that this is pretty much how it works.
Okay, so then what's up with all of this? As far as most of us as guys are concerned, women can knock themselves out reading whatever they want. Heck, they can even bust out with a vibrator for all we care. It won't bother us a lick (literally).
And truth be told, even if women did crave a porno video or six, we wouldn't care much about that either. In fact, we might be downright excited about that and get psyched about the possibility of them watching some with us.
No doubt, some women actually do like porn as much as we do. And yes, some will even watch it with us. But that's not the majority of them by any stretch. Most remain fairly intimidated, if not flat-out hurt and disgusted by the male fascination with porn.
My guess is that you already have a pretty good idea of why that might be. But just in case there's a factor or two you've never considered before, I'm going to break them all down for you right here in this chapter. Let's go for it...
1) They might see it as morally bereft
I'll tell you, I get e-mails all the time from guys who are dating women who have a different perspective on spiritual things than they do, and they wonder aloud if that's a big deal.
You'd better believe it is. Often times it's guys who are coming from an agnostic or even atheist perspective who trivialize the impact that their woman's more dogmatic religious leanings might
potentially have on the relationship.
It's a mistake to assume if religion isn't a big deal for you that it's simply not a big deal in general. It may be a huge deal for her.
As such, if her world view precludes anything under the umbrella of "sexual immorality" she's going to have a very different opinion of porn than you do. And let's just say that since she's not interested in it anyway, it's going to be very easy for her to drop the hammer on you over it.
And what if you actually claim the same morally conservative perspective on sex that she does, and are yet watching porn anyway? Well, in that case you can plan on that hammer morphing into a wrecking ball.
2) They might feel as if they're sexually inadequate
Here's a fascinating observation I've made. The more sexually desirable a woman is to a larger cross-section of men, the less of a problem she tends to have with porn.
Meanwhile, more "average" or even straight-up unattractive women are far more likely to whack they're boyfriends or husbands upside the head with a rolling pin for watching it.
Basically, it's a matter of insecurity. If a woman has reason to believe (even if it's only in her own mind, frankly) that she just can't compete with the women in the videos you've been watching, she's going to use that as a convenient excuse to beat down her self-esteem to a new low.
If you hear her voice assumptions that you've probably been jacking off over women you wish you had instead of her (maybe even two or three of them at the same time), then I just hit the nail on the head.
3) They suspect you'll be inspired to cheat on them
Maybe you've got perfectly solid intentions on staying with the woman of your dreams for the long haul. It's just that certain Internet sites give you a chance to get some "variety" without, you know, actually going out and violating your relationship.
You can't necessarily expect her to see things that way. In her mind you're probably online "shopping" for what you want in your next girlfriend, or at least getting some ideas firmly planted in your mind of what kind of woman you might actually like better than her.
4) They think you are cheating on them
You may not think of watching porno videos as a major breach of exclusivity, but a lot of women do. Unreasonable or otherwise, they'll claim that if you're watching and fantasizing you may as well have gone out and done the real thing.
Listen, you and I both fully realize that it's not the real thing. But don't try to tell her that. In support of her argument, she might even remind you that she's got an insatiable sex drive and yet you've been spending precious load-blowing time in front of the computer whenever she's not around. Ouch.
5) They're concerned that you'll impose "creativity" on them that they're not ready for
Most women aren't quite as "sexually adventurous" as the professionals you see on video--at least not yet. Suffice it to say that the way to get them closer to that point is decidedly not to impose your experiences in watching porn on them.
Interestingly, if you put your woman's sexual needs first and learn the art of satisfying her fully, she might very well turn into your own private porn star in the bedroom.
But she'll likely turn in the opposite direction if she thinks you've been influenced by watching a bunch of other naked women do stuff she isn't in the habit of doing. Don't be surprised if she even starts asking you who you're thinking about when you're having sex with her.
Worse, she may fear that you're going to turn really kinky if not truly creepy and weird on her.
Think about it this way. How many guys happily disclose their entire stash of porn and/or share all the details about what really turns them on about it when they're "busted" by their chick for watching it? If you answered "zero", you're right on target.
So then, if she doesn't really know what it is you've been watching, her imagination might get the best of her. She may start assuming that you've been watching the most twisted, crazy stuff she can think of...and that you liked it.
6) They worry that you'll lose respect for them, if not for women in general
Just because women don't watch porn much (or won't admit to it, at the very least) doesn't mean that they don't know what goes on in it. I mean, how else do you think they've figured out how to shave themselves like that?
That means they know all about the more misogynistic type of porn where guys are throwing women around, making them gag until their mascara runs, etc.
Bear in mind that plenty of women even view being on their knees and taking a load in the face as pretty demeaning.
With all of that going on so often in the porno videos, they can't help but wonder if you're going to get just a little bit jaded by it. They wonder if you're going to get brainwashed over time into "objectifying" women, even if you're not that kind of guy now.
So what does it all come down to? Ultimately, whatever your pornography watching habits are, they're probably not going to change simply because you've read this chapter.
That said, I'd solemnly recommend getting someone else's help if you've become so addicted to the stuff that your job performance and/or real-world social life are suffering.
But at the very least, you'll be armed with the knowledge of exactly what goes through women's heads when they imagine you watching it.
What did I miss? Leave it in the comments.