What helps you to maintain a successful marriage?

[Iluveu Puznd]

Do you actively focus and fight the relationship pains or do you try to see more all the gains which brings it along? What is your strategy for a successful marriage?

I am a positive type...but maybe I am wrong...problems should be discussed !?

[Brett]

I believe that there are many factors which make a successful marriage. Maybe my wife and I were just lucky enough to have all factors stack up in our favour. I would like to share these experiences with those of you who are currently having problems with your marriage in the hope that maybe you can make changes required to make your marriage successful as well. I would like to help you to save your marriage and live out the remainder of your life in a successful marriage full of marital bliss like I did.

After the initial burst of love and lust, some of the factors which I consider important for an ongoing successful marriage are:

Communication

Open, frank communication is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. This is necessary so each has an understanding of what the other is thinking and why. Often if decisions are made without the involvement of the other partner then dissatisfaction and tension may develop. This of course is detrimental to the ongoing relationship.

Love

Love in a successful marriage must be unconditional. There will be times in the marriage when you do not like your spouse for one reason or another. But don't confuse dislike with loss of love. Don't confuse behaviour with emotions. It is okay not to like some of your partner's actions or behaviours, but it is never okay to not love them as a person. Love your partner, always and unconditionally.

Attraction

Without attraction there is no hope for a marriage. You both need to maintain that initial attraction you had for each other so that love and lust live on, even during the difficult times of your marriage.

Trust

You must be able to trust each other in a marriage. You need the security that your spouse is truthful in all aspects of your life together and that there are no secret motives or surprises lingering in the closet. When trust goes, the marriage dies.

Friendship

Friendship is a very important part of a marriage. It is essential to be your spouse's best friend, someone with whom you can laugh and cry, someone who is always there for you no matter what. A friend in need is a friend indeed.

Companionship

It is very important that as well as being your best friend, your spouse is your companion. Someone to share the achievements in life no matter how big or small; someone to share the highlights and the sorrows; someone who is always there for you; someone to do things with; someone who cares about you.

Reliability

You must be able to rely on each other in good times and in bad. You each need to come to the helm and be able to do things for each other and hold the fort when necessary. If you can't rely on each other, then who can you rely on?

Romance

How beautiful are those romantic moments you share together? The touches, the hugs, the kisses, the romantic candlelit dinner, the holiday away from it all. Keep romance alive throughout your marriage. It builds moments of lust and passion and this of course leads to the intimacy of sex.

Sex

Sex is a sharing of the most intimate nature. It is a basic human need and something to be shared, honoured and enjoyed with lust and passion between husband and wife forever.

Intimacy

As well as intimacy on a physical and sexual level, a couple must have intimacy on a spiritual and emotional level. This involves the intimate looks, the intimate touches not just in a sexual way but in everyday living. To be on the same intimacy level as your partner brings a great deal of comfort and joy and also provides security and proof of a long lasting love. Intimacy comes with soul mates.

Caring

It is important that you care about each other, to ask about the day, or the headache or the problem at work. It is always nice to know that you can confide in someone who cares about you. A problem shared is a problem halved. Together if you really care about each other you can work it out.

Financial Stability

Most of the divorcees I have spoken to have had problems with their marriage which have been triggered by financial woes. You must work together with a budget and a financial plan that you both agree to and adhere to. You must trust each other as far as money is concerned and discuss any deviations to your plan. If the inevitable does happen (like losing your job) and money problems hit your marriage, you need to work on a plan together to get you through it. Don't hide things from each other. Be open and frank and you can resolve the issues.

Shared values

If you as a couple do not have the same value system then the road will be a difficult one to follow. When you both believe in the same values relating to family, community, society, friendships, community, work, financial, ethics, cultural, education, religion, morals, alcohol, behaviour, etc it is much easier to align your lives together and move forward on the same pathway.

Shared Goals

It is important for you both to be on the same mission in your marriage. You need to have shared goals which you both agree to and which you both work towards. Some of your goals may be personal to you but if this is the case it is important to share these goals with your partner so they understand what you are trying to achieve and help you work towards that as well. And vice versa.

Shared Responsibilities

Nothing will sour a marriage more than if one of you feels they are doing all the work and all the giving in a marriage. It is essential to share household chores and child rearing, especially in this day and age when both partners usually work. Set up an agreed roster and stick to it. Don't assume your partner will do everything. Offer help and work together as a team.

Fun

If responsibilities are shared there will be plenty of time for fun. Outings and socialising must always be considered an important part of your life together. It is critical to do fun things together, but on the other hand it is also important to be free to do things without your partner and maintain your individual friendships.

Fidelity


It is fine to have friends of the same sex but you must never cross the line in a successful marriage. Always remain faithful. If you are tempted to stray,look at what attracted you to your wife and work on that instead.

Forgiveness

Fights and squabbles are inevitable in any marriage as you are both only human. But always direct comments at behaviours and activities not at the person. Remember you love your spouse unconditionally. But always be prepared to say you are sorry and to forgive. That way you can celebrate the conciliation and make up in lust and passion. Never leave the house or go to sleep without making up and saying "I love you".

Leadership

Now some of you may be thinking why have I included this in my list. Isn't that a bit sexist? However the fact is that leadership is a critical factor in a marriage. Yes leadership. It is a known fact that women are biologically-programmed to be attracted to men who have the natural qualities of an amazing leader. This is because the female sex drive is all about reproduction and survival. Nature did not create sex drive to make us feel good. No, sex drive exists purely to ensure that the human race reproduces and lives on.

In the past males who had the best chance of surviving and protecting a woman and her children also happened to be the males who were the best, the most capable, the most fearless leaders! Therefore it goes without saying then that nature has programmed women on a biological level to be massively attracted to leaders.That leader needs to be you.

So as you can see you need to work on a successful marriage. It doesn't come easy but it does shower you with riches if you succeed.

[Anthony]

Marital Success Tip Number 1: Patience

Marriage is the coming together of two people who have several differences. As a result there will be differences in opinion, expectations, personalities, along with other differences derived from our upbringing, background and culture.

Needless to say, because of these differences there are bound to be areas of disagreement and if proper care is not taken these disagreements can lead to major conflicts. The key is to be patient with each other. Be slow to speak and quick to listen, learn to control and manage your anger, learn to communicate your concerns in a sensitive and loving way, seek to understand the likes and dislikes of your spouse so as not to repeat behaviours that offend them.

Be sure not to overreact angrily or violently when your spouse does something that upsets or grieves you as this will worsen the situation. Instead, communicate your feelings with love and sensitivity so that your spouse will understand that they offended without feeling like they are being attacked. Patience is a hard trait to develop but if you can master it, you will have less conflicts in your marriage.

Marital Success Tip Number 2: Give

True love gives. Giving is an act of appreciation and as the saying goes "action speaks louder than words." I often tell people when I give them marital advice that "I love you" sounds better when it comes with a gift.

Learn to give your spouse your time, your love, your affection and gifts. Gifts such as roses, jewellery, spa treatments, or it can even be as simple as your spouses favourite chocolates.

Gifts show your spouse that you have been thinking of them especially if you have been away on a long trip, it demonstrates that even though you have been away you were still thinking of them. Giving is an expression of love and even though you can give without loving, you cannot love without giving.

Marital Success Tip Number 3: Friendship

Your spouse should be your best friend. One of the things that has helped my wife and I to maintain a close bond is the friendship between us. Aside from being lovers, we are best friends. We play fight, we tease each other, we play board games and computer games together, we watch television together, we go out regularly to dinner or to watch a movie, we talk to each other about our dreams and vision, we share our joy as well as our pain, and we stand by and are committed to each other.

So many couples have lost the friendship aspect of their relationship and as a result they have become strangers under the same roof, the fun has gone out of the relationship, there is no longer excitement. If you focus on developing the friendship in your marriage, your marriage will be full of fun and laughter. Learn to relax around each other and not take each other too seriously. Never let the friendship die in your marriage.

Marital Success Tip Number 4: Intimacy

Intimate kisses, holding hands, hugging, a gentle stroke of your spouses face, the exchange of words that express the love you feel for your spouse. All these will help you build the level of intimacy in your marriage. Intimacy isn't just about sex - in fact most women prefer true intimacy to sex.

Intimacy helps you to maintain closeness with your spouse, it allows both of you to open up to each other and be vulnerable with each other, it allows your spouse to see into the depth of your heart, to feel the purity of the love you have towards them - as the very word intimacy means "into me see"

May the flame of true intimacy in your marriage burn eternally.

In Conclusion

I encourage you to implement these 4 tips into your marriage if you are not already doing so. As you begin to practice them you will definitely see an improvement in the relationship between you and your spouse. I also encourage you to continue to learn how to make each other happy. Despite the many negative things we hear about marriage, there are still a lot of people experiencing happy, healthy and successful marriages. The key however is knowing how to achieve it - knowledge is the master key to success, even in marriage.

[Iluveu Puznd]

Thank you both for the comprehensive answers. What I see, that communication plays a major role for a successful relationship. What do you do to enhance communication?

[Ann-Andrea]

Working as a team! Strive to work together to solve anything that comes up, rather than getting stuck on who's right or wrong.

[shaillythomas]

There is no strategy for successful married life. everyone has a different condition so no strategy works. only respect each other, communicate with each other, have patient to understand each other, understand your partner's thoughts advise and so on

Major point of successful married life is communication so try to always communicate with your partner