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First the backstory: I am 54, my fiancee 46. We have been together nearly five years, officially engaged since this past spring. We have both been married before, me for 19 years, she for 15. Between us, we have five kids.
Now the delicate part: we had an active and fulfilling sex life. We were conpletely into each other, experimenting with new things we'd never tried with previous partners. All good. Two years ago, her doctor suggested she get a hysterectomy, to alleviate some longstanding issues--things that had been causing her pain for years. She went through with the surgery, I was with her every step of the way.
Since then, she's had no sex drive. We've done nothing sexually for two years other than kissing (which she does still enjoy), and what I would call "light makeout sessions." But not further. I am still enormously attracted to her. I am going to spend the rest of my life with her, and I love and adore her in all ways and think she is the most beautiful, desirable woman I've ever known. (Which I tell her on a regular basis.) But I do still have a strong sex drive, and want to make love to her. I will NEVER seek sex outside our relationship, I will never cheat on her, I want to be clear. She is my one and only, and we have committed to each other for the rest of our lives. Period.
We've talked about her lack of sex drive. We communicate well with each other, and I've brought up my concerns. She says she simply doesn't feel it, just isn't interested in full-on sex. She assures me it has nothing to do with me (I never thought it did, I understand the changes her body has gone through, and we connect to each other so well in every other way). I've asked if there is anything I can do, as her partner, to help. The last time we discussed it, she got a bit frustrated and just said, "I don't know!" I've suggested talking to her doctor about hormones, but the last time she saw her gyn doctor, she didn't ask.
I hate to think our sex life is over, at our ages. I don't want to pressure her, because I want our sexuality to be about both of us, as it was before her surgery. But she doesn't even seem to miss it. Again, we are physically affectionate, just not to the level of "all the way" sex. Perhaps this will have to be enough. But I am quite frustrated.
I would be grateful for any insights that anyone here, male or female, might have. Ah, issues of sexuality in middle age!
Thanks.
Now the delicate part: we had an active and fulfilling sex life. We were conpletely into each other, experimenting with new things we'd never tried with previous partners. All good. Two years ago, her doctor suggested she get a hysterectomy, to alleviate some longstanding issues--things that had been causing her pain for years. She went through with the surgery, I was with her every step of the way.
Since then, she's had no sex drive. We've done nothing sexually for two years other than kissing (which she does still enjoy), and what I would call "light makeout sessions." But not further. I am still enormously attracted to her. I am going to spend the rest of my life with her, and I love and adore her in all ways and think she is the most beautiful, desirable woman I've ever known. (Which I tell her on a regular basis.) But I do still have a strong sex drive, and want to make love to her. I will NEVER seek sex outside our relationship, I will never cheat on her, I want to be clear. She is my one and only, and we have committed to each other for the rest of our lives. Period.
We've talked about her lack of sex drive. We communicate well with each other, and I've brought up my concerns. She says she simply doesn't feel it, just isn't interested in full-on sex. She assures me it has nothing to do with me (I never thought it did, I understand the changes her body has gone through, and we connect to each other so well in every other way). I've asked if there is anything I can do, as her partner, to help. The last time we discussed it, she got a bit frustrated and just said, "I don't know!" I've suggested talking to her doctor about hormones, but the last time she saw her gyn doctor, she didn't ask.
I hate to think our sex life is over, at our ages. I don't want to pressure her, because I want our sexuality to be about both of us, as it was before her surgery. But she doesn't even seem to miss it. Again, we are physically affectionate, just not to the level of "all the way" sex. Perhaps this will have to be enough. But I am quite frustrated.
I would be grateful for any insights that anyone here, male or female, might have. Ah, issues of sexuality in middle age!
Thanks.
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