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  • I Am Having Problems Maintaining an Erection

    I have M.S. and I feel very inadequate in the bedroom (my problem is mainly physical) and I have tried various remedies. I am having problems maintaining an erection while performing these exercises for sexual performance. Another problem is that she does not accept my compliments or "all day foreplay" even when this is done during times when there is no possible way we could have a "sexual" encounter. We have been married for 10 years and I am only looking for satisfaction on the weekend and I give "all week foreplay." I would feel good about her just placing her hand on mine or on my knee. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
    One of your greatest fans

  • #2
    Hi Sammy,

    I am going to be straight up with you here - your problem does have a solution, but it is not going to be EASY.

    Many, many men face the identical challenge.

    Their wife begins to lose interest in sex, she withdraws romantically, she just wants you to get with the program and be a good partner in the business of running your lives...

    Most men just blame HER.

    They say things like: She's less interested in sex, so it must be that her libido is lower than mine, or she has lost interest because of stress or whatever.

    It's funny how we never want to see the possibility that it might actually be our fault.

    This is a big challenge for any man...

    And the MS is going to make it even more of a challenge, NOT because of the way it affects your strength and your physical ability to have sex, but because of the way it is affecting your relationship to your SELF and your CONFIDENCE.

    On the physical side, you can get prescriptions from your doctor that will work very well to solve the erection problem easily enough (or you could do the exercises, which will probably also help you substantially).

    But let's be real - The hard part is the emotional issues of your wife pulling back from physical intimacy with you.

    Here's the very centre of the issue between you and your wife:

    PEOPLE TREAT YOU EXACTLY THE WAY YOU TRAIN THEM TO TREAT YOU

    Women are massively turned on by "masculine strength."

    And since you have challenges with physical strength, that means you must rely on the strong masculine qualities of your PERSONALITY...

    That means things like courage, aggression when necessary, never accepting second class treatment from anyone, being CALM AS ICE in emotionally stressful situations, being a rock when she is weak or cranky or tearful... yet showing deep passion when appropriate...

    And most powerfully of all: The willingness to be vulnerable and open about what is true for you. (In other words, the courage to authentically be yourself in all situations)

    Unfortunately, because of your illness, you say you "feel very inadequate in the bedroom".

    And what you need to know is...

    It's THAT FEELING of inadequacy itself that is keeping your wife from being turned on and wanting sex.

    Let me say that again - The problem is NOT your physical inadequacy, it is the FEELINGS you have about your physical condition that is creating the problems.

    Here is the proof:

    I have a friend whose genetic disorder prevented him from growing any taller than 3 feet, and has put him in a wheelchair for life... but he behaves and thinks that he is a sexy bad-ass, and I see the affect that he has on women...

    In fact, that is the exact adjective that I have heard many women use to describe him: "sexy."

    He recently got engaged to a gorgeous, smart, and sassy woman who adores him, and while I wouldn't want to repeat any confidential conversations,

    I'm pretty sure most able bodied men would be pretty jealous of his sex life.

    Bottom line:

    Confidence is sexy. Period. And a lack of it is a big problem.

    Here's what you MUST understand...

    When you say that "I am only looking for satisfaction on the weekend" and "I would feel good about her just placing her hand on mine..."

    THAT is exactly what is CAUSING the problem!

    You have TRAINED her to think of you as a second class citizen in your relationship... and you tacitly agree with her about that. You have conditioned her to think of you, not as her lover, but as a man who is looking for her occasional sympathy.

    Once you say you're going to settle for second, that's what happens to you in life.

    That's because it's true.

    It sounds like you feel that she should give you this small amount of attention because she should be "nice" to you - but you don't want to trouble her for more.

    Maybe that's because you feel like you are already asking much of her in living with a man who has M.S. Obviously neither of you saw that one coming... and let's be real here... I have no idea how hard that must be, or how I would handle it if I were in your situation.

    I don't want to sound harsh...

    I'm not putting you down here. You are in a situation that few men would be feeling heroic about. It sucks. And I have no idea how I myself would handle it.

    So it seems to me there are a lot of complex issues in your life and your relationship, and I'm not going to try to answer all of them.

    But consider for a moment that if you can train your wife to treat you like a second class citizen in your relationship, then it follows that there must also be some possible way in which you could have trained her to think of you as her heroic and sexy love-god.

    So while I can't talk intelligently about all of your challenges with MS, I CAN tell you how to get more sex in your relationship...Limiting myself to only the question of "how to improve your sex life," then the answer is: You've got to reclaim your masculine power in the relationship.

    Ideally a woman wants a man who DEMANDS sex all of the time, not the weekends. She wants a man who says with gentle command, "take off your clothing and dance sexy for me while I sip my drink and watch."

    A man who knows how to take control...

    Because that's what makes HER feel sexy.

    A lot of guys have been confused by my concept of "All Day Foreplay," thinking that it meant you should give her a lot of compliments.

    That is not the case. I used the example of giving compliments to a woman who specifically has issues with her body image (which is very, very common).

    But the object is not to give compliments, but to do whatever it takes, throughout the day, to make her feel sexual.

    If your wife is attractive and she knows it and men compliment her all the time, then that is not going to work at all. Compliments may have the opposite effect for a woman like that.

    The idea behind All Day Foreplay is to train her to feel sexy when she is around you by doing the things that make her feel sexy.

    Sometimes that's giving her compliments...

    But it could be telling her that you love her, it could be tickling her, it could be spanking her whenever she walks by, it could be whispering romantic things in her ear, it could be pulling her hair back and biting her neck, it could be saying really dirty, raunchy things to her...

    Whatever her blueprint is to keep her on a nice slow simmer so that by the time you get to the bedroom she can't wait for you to rip her clothes off.

    Here is the very, very difficult challenge in front of you...

    Now that you have trained her into this idea that you are not a powerful, masculine presence in her life - it is going to be very hard to get her to change her mind.

    People are VERY resistant to change... and they can be especially resistant to a change in the people that they love.

    The crazy, messed up paradox of this is that she is NOT going to want you to change... even if that change is for the BETTER... even if that change is going to give her a better relationship, better sex, a sexier and more confident lover in her bed, and a much more fulfilling life.

    She has made her decision. Staying consistent to that decision is a powerful force of human nature. If you start acting in powerful, masculine, and demanding ways, she is probably going to react with anger and frustration, and possibly fear.

    So... Can it be done?

    Yes. It can. But it's going to take time, persistence, patience, courage... and a big bucket of balls and masculine strength to do it.

    If you can understand what I say in the next paragraph, it has the power to lift your life to GREAT heights:

    Perhaps the M.S. is the gift that will allow you to rise up above ordinary men and fully demonstrate your heroic strength of mind and become a powerful role model for others.

    I have seen others turn set-backs, tragedies, and insurmountable-looking challenges into the fuel that launched them into greatness. In fact, it's hard to find many great men in history who did not fit that pattern.

    I said above that being vulnerable in your authentic truth was one of the most powerful indicators of pure masculinity to women...For you this might a conversation that begins with,

    "I have allowed my fear of my disease to make me feel weak and less than masculine in our relationship. I know that this was entirely my own doing and that it made me sexually repulsive to you. Whether or not your sexual desire returns to me and to this relationship, I am committed to living a life of courage and passion and deep service to our love, regardless of my physical condition..."

    Make that your truth... and then start living your truth.

    Don't LET her have sex from you until she is prepared to come to you as a surrendered woman to her lover.

    Don't accept second class treatment... not by pouting or showing anger, but by calmly and lovingly denying her power over you.

    If you can follow this path, trusting yourself and knowing that your life is yours alone to choose, then she will soon be begging you to make love to her.

    I wish you the best my friend. I have confidence in you and that you can do it if you choose to.

    Footnote

    This is, I know, some very advanced material that some men may find difficult to apply in their lives.

    But at the minimum, if you are reading this and in a similar relationship, at least commit yourself to making a new beginning, to making a pact with yourself to take the steps to reclaim your masculinity in your life through vulnerable, authentic truth.

    If you can do that, it will 100% fulfill on my words I said earlier ...your woman will want to f69k you pretty much all the time.

    Comment


    • whyror
      whyror commented
      Editing a comment
      Damn! you such an expert on this topic, instead of addressing symptoms, you treated he causes, splendid advice.

  • #3
    Erectile dysfunction is a disturbing and stressful experience for any man. However, it's a condition that can be treated even without opting for prescription drugs. As a matter of fact, a lot of men avoid visiting a doctor to seek treatment since they find it extremely embarrassing to discuss such an intimate problem with a doctor.

    Here are some of the best ways to help you get a rock solid erection with simple tips:

    1. Stop Being a Couch Potato

    Lack of exercise can make you fat and overweight resulting in poor blood flow. Good blood circulation in your body and to the penis is the most important pre-requisite for getting hard and rigid erection. So, if you want to get rock solid erections, put on your jogging shoes and step out for a daily walk or jog.

    You can also try lifting weights. As a matter of fact, strength training happens to be the most effective way of increasing both blood flow and testosterone secretion in your body. A testosterone boost is great for your libido as well as erections.

    2. Try Garlic

    Garlic is great for your heart. It helps unclog arteries too. The rule of the thumb is that anything that's good for your heart is good for your penis too.

    What makes it so effective is that it's rich in a compound called allicin that helps remove plaque from the arteries resulting in better blood flow not just throughout the body but to the penis as well.

    3. Calm Your Nerves

    Stress can just kill both your libido and erections. Anxiety increases the release of adrenalin in your body. Interestingly, adrenalin is a vasoconstrictor. It narrows blood vessels that supply blood to the penis. With reduced blood flow it becomes impossible for you to get a rock solid erection.

    Yoga, meditation and tai chi are excellent exercise forms to bust stress.

    4. Minimize Laptop Usage

    This might come as surprise to you but putting laptop in your lap can actually kill your erections. It can heat your testicles and damage sperm. This extra testicular heat can also interfere with testosterone production. A drop in testosterone is likely to trigger erectile dysfunction sooner or later. So, keep your laptop on a table rather than in your lap while working on it.

    5. Manage Your Medications

    Antidepressants and many other medications such as those used to treat high blood pressure are known to result in erection difficulties. However, this is a problem that is manageable. Talk to your doctor if you experience ED as a result of using such drugs. He can change or reduce the dose accordingly.

    6. Have More Sex

    This might sound a bit weird but the fact of the matter is that having sex is a great way to boost testosterone or the primary male sex hormone in your body and a testosterone boost is the best thing that can happen for your erections.

    So get active in between the sheets. I am sure your woman is going to live this new change too.

    7. Try Natural Male Enhancement Pills

    If you still find yourself struggling to get a rock solid erection, try natural or herbal male enhancement pills. Such pills have become a massive hit among men seeking sexual enhancement since they are effective, safe and have no side effects. They not only ensure rock solid erections but also give a boost to your libido and semen production.

    Not just this, regular use of such pills can also help you get better control over your ejaculations so that you can last longer in bed and please your woman.

    Comment


    • #4
      Erectile dysfunction a.k.a impotence, weak erections etc etc.

      Whatever term you choose to put on it, nothing short of premature ejaculation even comes close to being as damaging to our self image and self esteem. In fact, being unable to perform sexually is excruciatingly humiliating for most men. That's quite obvious hence the preponderance of articles and hidden ads all trying to sell you some sort of cream, pill, or lotion all promising to restore the glory of your lost youth.

      But let me be honest with you.

      I am not here to sell you a pill, a lotion, a cream of any kind. In fact, the very secrets I am about to share with you that can actually reverse your E.D. Problems for the most part can be found in your local grocery store.

      Other aspects, specifically the Chinese herbs are also relatively easy to find if you know where to look. Regardless of anything else you do. If you are suffering from any form of erectile issues you should first consult your physician to make sure there in fact no actual organic issues contributing to your E.D. Many circulatory problems as well as diseases such as diabetes dramatically affect ones ability to keep and maintain an erection.

      I should also point out that although my training is in oriental medicine as well as having undergone many hours of western medical training.

      Nothing in this article should be construed as either diagnosing or giving a medical opinion or advice.

      The methods described here are all natural approaches that have been shown to be safe and highly effective in reversing many forms of erectile dysfunction. That being said, you should still consult a doctor before using any of them. Let's start with the basics.

      What are the actual sub types of erectile dysfunctions?

      The sheer variety of erectile dysfunctions and/or impotence might surprise you.

      For Example,

      Desire Disorders - Sexual Desire Disorders are characterized by a "lack" of sexual desire or interest in sex. Folks simply have no desire.

      - Sexual Arousal Disorders - Sexual Arousal Disorders in contrast often have a marked inability to become sexually aroused. The spirit is willing but nothing is happening below the "belt-line" if you know what I mean.

      Arousal disorders commonly include - problems achieving or simply maintaining an erection, even weak erections fall into this category.

      Now in addition to "Desire" and "Arousal" disorders we also have a categories of sexual dysfunction such as...

      Orgasm Disorders - The Delay or absence of orgasm or sexual climax

      Pain Disorders - pain during intercourse, this mostly affects women but men are not excluded from painful intercourse issues.

      As you can see sexual and specifically erectile disorders are a bit more complicated than just an inability to get an erection, depending on the characteristics of your E.D. the method for healing it can be substantially different.

      The good news is there are some very powerful and natural things you can do right away to start regaining your sexual power. In fact, while we are on the subject of sexual power let me explode one myth right now.

      You Do NOT Lose Sexual Function As A Result of Aging.

      You read it right.

      The research shows that although some physical changes do occur during the aging process..."sexual vitality does not have to decline with age." Your level of sexual performance is most heavily influenced by

      - psychological well-being - depth of intimacy - cultural expectations

      Here is the rub, and it is both good and bad news my friend.

      The best predictor of future sexual satisfaction is your past sexual performance.

      Let me explain...

      If you are currently enjoying a regular pattern of healthy sexual expression, then you are actually more likley to continue that way throughout your life.

      Conversely...

      If your sexual abilities are declining, if your are not getting the level of healthy,satisfying, pleasurable sexual expression you need, your situation is not likely to get better. In fact...

      It's probably going to get worse.

      Unless you do something about it now.

      Sex Makes You Younger!

      I'll bet that got your attention didn't it?

      Let me explain this.

      It has been shown that those who stay sexually active and properly nourished (more on this shortly) end up being physically, many years younger than their chronological age.

      How cool is that?

      SEX Is Your Best Tool Against Aging! When it is done properly that is.

      Now the simple truth is that the reason your reading this article is NOT because your happy with or getting enough of healthy, pleasurable sexual expression.

      It's most likely not even that your having desire issues. Its simply most likely that sexually your sexual performance is just not what it used to be.

      Now you may not know this, but just like many women lie about having an orgasm during sex i.e. "faking orgasms"... many men lie to their partners about not wanting or being interested in sex as a way to hide the fact that they are suffering from a declining sexual function.

      Erections may become...

      - less reliable - less firm - less sustainable - and in some cases unattainable

      obviously none of these issues help a man's sexual confidence and self-esteem.

      Now for the good news. As the title of this article series implies there are a number of powerful, natural solutions for dealing with the many forms of erectile dysfunctions.

      The following foods, herbs and supplements can dramatically enhance the firmness, strength, and reliability of your erections...

      Since most forms of erectile dysfunction center around circulatory issues, the following foods can help improve sexual functioning by improving circulation.

      - Cayenne Pepper - Cinnamon - Ginger - Citrus Fruits - Apples and Berries - Soy Beans - Bananas - Garlic

      Note there is nothing exotic here. All of these can be found at your local grocery store.

      Keep in mind that as a health care professional I would go for the purely fresh and "Organic" versions of these foods. They cost a little more but they are well worth it in terms of providing a purer source of key nutrients for sexual functioning.

      Make these sexual superfoods a consistent and prevalent staple in your healthy diet and you will notice that in a relatively short time, your sexual functioning will begin to significantly improve.

      In our next section we will cover secret Chinese herbs that can give you Fuller Healthier Erections In Minimum Time. Some of these little known herbal remedies are so powerful that I hesitate to mention them outside of my "Sexual Rocket Fuel: The Science of Sexual Nutrition" Home-study Course from which this herbal information is drawn. You can learn more about my programs by clicking on the links below.

      They have radically changed the level of my sexual performance and they can do the same for you.

      We will see you in part three of this ongoing article series. If you have any questions I invite you to visit my blog by clicking on the links below to learn how you can have healthier firmer longer-lasting erections, satisfy your woman with one mind blowing orgasm after another and destroy premature ejaculation Forever!.

      Comment


      • #5
        Thank you everyone for your help.

        Comment

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