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I had an ex that I got into a very complicated relationship with.
By the time he had finally left to visit his family over Christmas, it gave me time to have my head back to myself and think, to not worry about him. During this time, he hardly even spoke to me, which was in my favor. He was supposed to return sometime in January, but he returned exactly on New Years. I already knew that I had finally found it in me to end things after an up and down situation of almost getting rid of him and getting lured back in. I figured that when he arrived on New Years, I could tell him face to face what I had decided and send him on his way, despite the awful timing. I wasn't going to prolong it and risk getting drawn back in or to lead him on.
I specifically told him that I didn't want to be in this situation anymore and that I think it's best if we stopped seeing each other. I gave him a long explanation on this. When I finished, he simply said "okay" and got in my bed. He didn't leave and I didn't know what to do. Part of me was in a panic because it was New Years and he'd just promised he was going to speak to his mother while he was away and change. (He'd apologized and promised to change repeatedly in the past, this was nothing new.) At the time, part of me was confused and felt like an awful person because he was making an effort. Still, I was not going to take him back.
When he got there, he wanted me to get on the bed and sit there. We used to do this and watch tv a lot, mess around a little. I was hoping he'd have taken the hint and we could just watch tv. He started by trying to kiss and cuddle me, which I thought was weird, but I hadn't made sense of the situation yet. Then he went on to trying to rub my thighs and smack my butt, and he tried to put his hand between my legs, but I moved it away. I asked him to stop touching me after he attempted to take off my shirt and suck on my nipples, when I'd already made a comment about him touching me. Afterwards, for several hours, he kept touching me and trying to get me to kiss and cuddle him. I repeatedly made excuses to leave the room, asked him why he had to be touching me, pulling away. He didn't that the hint. He relentlessly kept on. When we had first met, this is the way he'd gotten me to give into sex with him. I'd been very unsure but he kept on pursuing it until I finally gave up. That night, I was determined to just end things and did everything I could to avoid him, but he didn't listen. He forced me to kiss and hold him repeatedly and kept touching me and letting his hands wander. I even told my mom one time when I left the room. However, she told me that I was just being a bitch and he tried to change for me. She didn't do anything. I came back one time and in an attempt to make him leave I told him that my mom said he could leave at midnight. To that his response was, 'if I fall asleep, I don't have to leave.'
When we were watching TV I had reluctantly let him cuddle me so he stopped trying to touch me, and I was just absentmindedly watching the TV over his shoulder. I felt exhausted by the situation. I did not know how to get out of it. I could tell that he was getting annoyed. Eventually he just turned the TV off and was just staring at me in the dark. I complained about it being awkward that he was just staring at me in the dark. He responded with, "what, I can't look at you?" The way he was staring at me was creepy. He was really wide eyed and I felt uncomfortable. He'd already been groping and touching me for most of the night despite my complaints and repeatedly leaving the room, and my mom wasn't helping. He also kept trying to pull me close and blowing kisses to signify he wanted me to kiss him and I didn't want to. I told him it was New Years, and I didn't want to just sit there. He still didn't let me leave the bed. I could only think of one way to get out of it. I just kept complaining about being bored until he let me play on the computer, and eventually he fell asleep. That was the best part of my night. I just wanted to enjoy it playing games with friends and although I couldn't call them for fear of waking him up and dealing with it again, I at least had time to myself.
I didn't want to go to bed. I was almost determined to stay up all night so that I didn't have to go over there, eventually he woke up and tried to get me to come to bed. I said something about finishing my house in my game, and mentioned it was past midnight to try to get him to leave again. He told me, "See, I told you if I went to sleep I would be able to stay." I kept playing my game for another hour or so but he kept trying to get me to go to bed. I was frustrated and tired. I reluctantly gave in again. He had stripped down to just boxers and I kept my clothes on and I wanted to go to the couch, but he patted the bed next to him. He spent the night very close and all up on me, with an arm around me. I complained at first loudly about how I wouldn't be able to sleep like this and it would be uncomfortable, but he wouldn't take the hint. I was on the corner of my bed and just wanted him to quit touching me. I tossed and turned very obnoxiously in an attempt to get him to let go of me, and it worked to an extent. I fell asleep and woke up again several times that night. Around 6 am, I woke up for about the fourth time and left. I browsed my phone on the couch in the living room but due to waking up repeatedly, I was still very tired. I went to bed around one am. I can't sleep well on a couch with no pillow, so I carefully got into my bed in an attempt not to wake him up. I was already frustrated and tired and my mood for most of the night was defeat. When I got back into bed, I accidentally woke him up anyways. He kept trying to get me to kiss and cuddle him again. I told him directly that I was tired and I just wanted to sleep. He kept on and pulled me close to him until he got what he wanted. At this point I wanted to scream or cry. I wanted my bed to myself without him touching me and being there despite my wishes, I hadn't wanted him there at all, I just wanted to sleep. But he was all up on me again in the morning, the same way he had before, with his arm around me. I kept saying over and over again, I can't sleep like this. Eventually I finally snapped and told him it was early and I wanted him to stop touching me and leave, and that he was getting on my nerves.
Later the next day I did text him the breakup stuff and he tried to guilt trip me but understood, and a few weeks later he tried to get me to hang out on my birthday (code for, let's do something then I'm going to try to have sex with you.) I told him no and said I had other plans. After finding out he was trying to have sex with my mom to "get back at me" as she let me know, I told him off and asked him not to speak with me again. I'm happy to have him out of my hair, but the New Years situation still bothers me.
I don't know what this situation is. I cry talking about it and it leaves me feeling completely uncomfortable and strange, but I'm not sure if this is even sexual harassment, let alone sexual abuse. Maybe I was just too passive or I'm being too dramatic. But I feel like anybody in this situation would see the obvious signs of me not being interested and would stop, or would leave after the breakup. Instead he completely ignored me and kept trying to touch me. I don't know what this situation is but the way it makes me feel freaks me out. I don't know what to do about it or if it's even as serious as I feel like it is, but it has me a little messed up. I need help or an outside perspective on this.
By the time he had finally left to visit his family over Christmas, it gave me time to have my head back to myself and think, to not worry about him. During this time, he hardly even spoke to me, which was in my favor. He was supposed to return sometime in January, but he returned exactly on New Years. I already knew that I had finally found it in me to end things after an up and down situation of almost getting rid of him and getting lured back in. I figured that when he arrived on New Years, I could tell him face to face what I had decided and send him on his way, despite the awful timing. I wasn't going to prolong it and risk getting drawn back in or to lead him on.
I specifically told him that I didn't want to be in this situation anymore and that I think it's best if we stopped seeing each other. I gave him a long explanation on this. When I finished, he simply said "okay" and got in my bed. He didn't leave and I didn't know what to do. Part of me was in a panic because it was New Years and he'd just promised he was going to speak to his mother while he was away and change. (He'd apologized and promised to change repeatedly in the past, this was nothing new.) At the time, part of me was confused and felt like an awful person because he was making an effort. Still, I was not going to take him back.
When he got there, he wanted me to get on the bed and sit there. We used to do this and watch tv a lot, mess around a little. I was hoping he'd have taken the hint and we could just watch tv. He started by trying to kiss and cuddle me, which I thought was weird, but I hadn't made sense of the situation yet. Then he went on to trying to rub my thighs and smack my butt, and he tried to put his hand between my legs, but I moved it away. I asked him to stop touching me after he attempted to take off my shirt and suck on my nipples, when I'd already made a comment about him touching me. Afterwards, for several hours, he kept touching me and trying to get me to kiss and cuddle him. I repeatedly made excuses to leave the room, asked him why he had to be touching me, pulling away. He didn't that the hint. He relentlessly kept on. When we had first met, this is the way he'd gotten me to give into sex with him. I'd been very unsure but he kept on pursuing it until I finally gave up. That night, I was determined to just end things and did everything I could to avoid him, but he didn't listen. He forced me to kiss and hold him repeatedly and kept touching me and letting his hands wander. I even told my mom one time when I left the room. However, she told me that I was just being a bitch and he tried to change for me. She didn't do anything. I came back one time and in an attempt to make him leave I told him that my mom said he could leave at midnight. To that his response was, 'if I fall asleep, I don't have to leave.'
When we were watching TV I had reluctantly let him cuddle me so he stopped trying to touch me, and I was just absentmindedly watching the TV over his shoulder. I felt exhausted by the situation. I did not know how to get out of it. I could tell that he was getting annoyed. Eventually he just turned the TV off and was just staring at me in the dark. I complained about it being awkward that he was just staring at me in the dark. He responded with, "what, I can't look at you?" The way he was staring at me was creepy. He was really wide eyed and I felt uncomfortable. He'd already been groping and touching me for most of the night despite my complaints and repeatedly leaving the room, and my mom wasn't helping. He also kept trying to pull me close and blowing kisses to signify he wanted me to kiss him and I didn't want to. I told him it was New Years, and I didn't want to just sit there. He still didn't let me leave the bed. I could only think of one way to get out of it. I just kept complaining about being bored until he let me play on the computer, and eventually he fell asleep. That was the best part of my night. I just wanted to enjoy it playing games with friends and although I couldn't call them for fear of waking him up and dealing with it again, I at least had time to myself.
I didn't want to go to bed. I was almost determined to stay up all night so that I didn't have to go over there, eventually he woke up and tried to get me to come to bed. I said something about finishing my house in my game, and mentioned it was past midnight to try to get him to leave again. He told me, "See, I told you if I went to sleep I would be able to stay." I kept playing my game for another hour or so but he kept trying to get me to go to bed. I was frustrated and tired. I reluctantly gave in again. He had stripped down to just boxers and I kept my clothes on and I wanted to go to the couch, but he patted the bed next to him. He spent the night very close and all up on me, with an arm around me. I complained at first loudly about how I wouldn't be able to sleep like this and it would be uncomfortable, but he wouldn't take the hint. I was on the corner of my bed and just wanted him to quit touching me. I tossed and turned very obnoxiously in an attempt to get him to let go of me, and it worked to an extent. I fell asleep and woke up again several times that night. Around 6 am, I woke up for about the fourth time and left. I browsed my phone on the couch in the living room but due to waking up repeatedly, I was still very tired. I went to bed around one am. I can't sleep well on a couch with no pillow, so I carefully got into my bed in an attempt not to wake him up. I was already frustrated and tired and my mood for most of the night was defeat. When I got back into bed, I accidentally woke him up anyways. He kept trying to get me to kiss and cuddle him again. I told him directly that I was tired and I just wanted to sleep. He kept on and pulled me close to him until he got what he wanted. At this point I wanted to scream or cry. I wanted my bed to myself without him touching me and being there despite my wishes, I hadn't wanted him there at all, I just wanted to sleep. But he was all up on me again in the morning, the same way he had before, with his arm around me. I kept saying over and over again, I can't sleep like this. Eventually I finally snapped and told him it was early and I wanted him to stop touching me and leave, and that he was getting on my nerves.
Later the next day I did text him the breakup stuff and he tried to guilt trip me but understood, and a few weeks later he tried to get me to hang out on my birthday (code for, let's do something then I'm going to try to have sex with you.) I told him no and said I had other plans. After finding out he was trying to have sex with my mom to "get back at me" as she let me know, I told him off and asked him not to speak with me again. I'm happy to have him out of my hair, but the New Years situation still bothers me.
I don't know what this situation is. I cry talking about it and it leaves me feeling completely uncomfortable and strange, but I'm not sure if this is even sexual harassment, let alone sexual abuse. Maybe I was just too passive or I'm being too dramatic. But I feel like anybody in this situation would see the obvious signs of me not being interested and would stop, or would leave after the breakup. Instead he completely ignored me and kept trying to touch me. I don't know what this situation is but the way it makes me feel freaks me out. I don't know what to do about it or if it's even as serious as I feel like it is, but it has me a little messed up. I need help or an outside perspective on this.
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