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Need some advice



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  • Need some advice

    Hello guys!

    I don't know where to begin, so I normally don't talk about myself to others because i find it very embarrassing and i usually keep things to myself, but it makes me feel very sad and depressed at times. So basically, I am 24 and i am still a virgin, I've been in two relationships and they've only lasted longer than a few months. During my last relationship which was three years ago, i had strong feelings for my ex and we talked about having sex for a couple of months during our relationship which only lasted 8 months by the way. So one day it was in the summer time and we were at a hotel and the mood was right and everything and we became very intimate however as we was trying to penetrate me, i guess it was like hitting a brick wall and it was very painful and we got nowhere and I wasn't upset it was our first time so we knew that this would've happened. Then a few weeks later we tried again, the mood was right we did foreplay and etc. and again it was like hitting a brick wall and he couldn't penetrate me and he got kind of upset but he let it go. Then, on several other attempts he tried again and still nothing was happening we weren't having sex, and at the time I didn't know what to do and he was getting very frustrated because he really wanted to have sex with me. But, I felt very upset and disappointed that this was happening to me and all my friends never experienced this and i couldn't figure out why. My body usually starts to tense up when he tries to penetrate me and i find it really hard to relax and be calm, even though we did a lot of foreplay, he still wasn't able to penetrate me. So, fast forward three years later i tried to do it again with another guy that i was seeing and yet again it was another road block we didn't have intercourse because i couldn't bare the pain and my body froze and started tensing up. So, i basically gave up dating for a while because i didn't want to enter a relationship and go through the same embarrassment, of not being able to have sex, its not like i don't want to do it but i feel like my body gets so tensed that i just don't know how to relax it and yes i tried a few sex toys like vibrators but those don't help me. I also self diagnosed my self and also thought that i suffered from Vaginismis-(pain during intercourse )which is very uncommon during sexual intercourse, and whole bunch of other stuff. It makes me very sad its like i want to date and meet new people but at the same time do I want to put my partner through this embarrassment, I'm not sure of what to do. Any advice would be great please

  • #2
    I think this is better left to an appointment with a doctor and you should insist that you speak to someone who cares to hear your concern. Some doctors are not great at listening. To reduce your anxiety around the whole thing spend some time getting to know your own body. Good luck.


    • #3
      Originally posted by jada4 View Post
      I also self diagnosed my self and also thought that i suffered from Vaginismis-(pain during intercourse )which is very uncommon during sexual intercourse, and whole bunch of other stuff.
      It's completely wrong to self diagnose yourself, you aren't an expert in that field. The fact is that you don't have "Vaginismis." You are simply experiencing these pain because you are still a virgin and because the guys you have dated don't have hard erection. Most guys erection aren't hard, when you meet a guy that has a hard erection he will be able to penetrate you easily. So, don't stop dating and you will eventually meet that guy.


      • #4
        Going back in time a woman`s life was literally at the mercy of virginity. Any female who lost her virginity before wedlock had a fated future: i.e. dishonored, disowned, left on the shelf living a spinster`s life. It Tarnished women were sometimes beat and murdered. Men evaded this due to not being directly connected to virginity rulings as exclusively were pointed towards women. Men have never been held to the same standards of sexual behavior that women have.

        Losing your virginity changes your life forever, once you have lost it, there is no way of finding it again, meaning you cannot get your virginity back. With today`s modern technology, surgery can help in ways where plastic surgeons can perform plastic surgery on your vaginal opening to make it appear to have a uniform, "pristine" hymen. As with any surgery there are always risks involved, so consider this. A question that rises often when on the subject of losing one`s virginity"is the immaculate conception.

        It`s vital you understand what the principle of the Immaculate Conception is. There will always be assumptions made, however it is what assumption you choose to believe, is what matters. Nonetheless if statements are proven untrue, then, is it wise to believe falsehoods. Some people believe the Immaculate Conception refers to Christ`s conception in Mary`s womb without male fathering. While other folk believed conceiving was powered by the Holy Spirit," Find out the true meaning of the term Immaculate Conception and go online.

        Alright your ready for action, and your cherry ready for popping, sorry un-inviting to hear, but it's a common reference used when about to lose your virginity (pop your cherry.) Before reading the pointers below think contraception (birth control - condoms.)

        1 Make sure losing your virginity is what you really want and with who you want to lose it too.

        2 This is a time forever remembered, readiness will the make the moment a pleasing one, or one that haunts.

        3 Learn about your body. Feel it, touch it, and be intimate with yourself. Masturbation encouragement is not my purpose, but it is a way of finding out about sensitive body parts. After finding particular likings of particular doings - you can discuss them with your partner.

        4 If this is your first sexual experience, you can still fall pregnant, or infected by a sexually-transmitted disease.
        4 Plan for the event Have contraceptives and lubricants handy. Music can calm fear or make the mood relaxing. Sexual intercourse should take place in an ideal environment. Enjoy your sex without having to jump at every sound.

        5 For the actual transaction, take your time finding each other with kissing/cuddling. Less pressure more pleasure. If particular parts of the body moisten through foreplay, the better. Being nervous may take the vagina longer to wet. Lubricating the condom/vagina will help with penis penetration.

        6 Avoid jerking thrusts because right now the vagina has not adjusted to penis size. Nice and slow. First time sex can cause discomfort and embarrassment (depending on individuals.)

        7 First time sex may not last long. Sex not only gets better over time but satisfying too, that's why everyone is doing it - unless celibate or other

        Don't be frustrated if intercourse is not what you expected it to be. Are you really in a position to make judgment on expectancy, with it being new to you. Take what comes (excuse the pun) and learn from it.


        • jada4
          jada4 commented
          Editing a comment
          Thank you for the feedback Rachael, although i know its important to explore yourself and learn about about your bodies sensitive parts, I am not sure how i feel about masturbation but for sure I am not gonna try to follow your advice you listed some key things that I actually agree with. In the mean time I am gonna take things slow and not over think things, so thanks again for taking the time the write me back

      • #5
        Thank you guys for the feedback