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I Have Never Orgasmed Consciously In My Life

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MillionaireMatch

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  • I Have Never Orgasmed Consciously In My Life

    I have a wonderful and caring husband, married 25 years. Sex has been fun, but I have never orgasmed consciously in my life.

    I find DIY boring, I'm only really interested in doing it together, which makes any programs where I focus on my orgasm a turn off for starters.

    I feel I have let my husband down, and he feels he has let me down, but we love each other and have had good sex from time to time nevertheless but i am now frustrated at what I've been missing.

    I have reached orgasm, though rarely, in dreams. Just feel we're up a blind alley,and time is running out for both of us as my husband is now coming up to retirement-I'm younger.

    Help oh help

  • #2
    Take a deep breath... everything is going to be fine.

    The biggest problem I see in the email that you sent me is the "help oh help" at the end.

    Put a gun to a man's head and tell him to get an erection or you will pull the trigger, and you can parade the most beautiful women in the world in front of him and he is a dead man anyway.

    We just cannot do it under pressure.

    Same for women and orgasm.

    So the very desperation in the plea for help IS THE PROBLEM ITSELF.

    There is good news here though, because this particular problem is entirely under your control.

    Feeling like you are letting him down and vice-versa is something to stop and think about.

    Do you feel he ought to be feeling terrible about his inability to make you come?

    Of course not.

    Do you think he feels you ought to feel terrible about your inability to come for him?

    I will bet a lot that he does not feel that way.

    Which means you are each doing it to yourselves.

    Each of you are making your selves wrong.

    Crazy?

    Yes... and that is what we humans do.

    Sit down and have a meaningful, ritualized conversation about this.

    Create a sacred pact, a ceremony in which you release each other from ever... EVER AGAIN making yourself feel wrong or guilty for coming or not coming.

    Give each other solemn permission to release this.

    Once the pressure is OFF you have the freedom to just focus on the pleasure that you DO get from sex like... touching and cuddling giving HIM pleasure.. all the feelings you get that are exciting even if they are not orgasm... you will have a shared intimacy.

    Next, have a sense of humour and be light-hearted about your efforts to have an orgasm together.

    1 in 7 women NEVER do.

    7 in 10 women never do through intercourse.

    So there is nothing shameful going on here.

    RELAX.

    Have some fun with it.

    Enjoy each other and stop being so goal oriented.

    As long as the journey towards achieving orgasm is all about how frustrated you are, you are not going to get anywhere.

    Instead, make it a shared journey that is both an experimental adventure, and FUN.

    When you stop focusing on the orgasm, and just enjoy the experience together, it will happen all by itself.

    Keep reading the articles I post up in "Intimate Communion Magazine"... I am often be talking about a lot of different techniques that you can try together while you are enjoying each other, playfully, sensually, and pleasurably without any of that guilt and "feeling terrible" stuff.

    And the first step is to stop worrying so much and see this as an OPPORTUNITY to explore new things TOGETHER.

    An opportunity you would not have if coming were easy for you.

    This is the best project you can have together to deepen your intimacy together.


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    • #3
      First, I'm not a medical doctor but I am very confident that most, if not virtually all women are capable of having strong, powerful orgasms even if they have NEVER had an orgasm before. There are several key reasons for why you may have trouble climaxing:

      1. Mental block (subconscious discomfort with partner)- sex is probably 80% mental. If you have been having sex with your guy for a while, but still have not been able to climax, it may be a sign that you are not mentally with him. You may not have enough trust or comfort with him to feel like you can completely let go and be in the moment. As a result, you may be feeling tense about sex with your partner even though you think that you are completely compatible and in love with him. In my experience, sexual difficulties with a partner is a first sign of mental discord regarding the relationship.

      2. Inexperienced partner- this is particularly true if this is one of your first partners and you are relatively inexperienced yourself. Someone who is not familiar with female anatomy, does not know where the g-spot is and does not take his time arousing the woman is not someone who will be able to bring out and develop her sexuality. I wouldn't be surprised if less than 10% of men actually know what they were doing in bed- largely stemming from ignorance and intellectual laziness- which leads to a lot of women going from one relationship to another still completely unaware of how powerful their sexuality can be if unleashed.

      3. Hangups from adolescence- often when women find that they cannot even reach climax when they masturbate, that is an indication of some kind of hangup that they have from childhood, either from religious dogma or parents or other authority figures instilling a belief about sex being bad or dirty. If you find yourself in this situation, relax and understand that sex is very natural and healthy. An understanding partner will help you to work through your beliefs and help to build trust and comfort as he helps you to get more in tune with your body and sensations, until your are finally able to reach climax.

      I, personally, have had several partners who had either had tremendous difficulty having orgasms or had never been able to do so at all prior to meeting me, and I was able to help them achieve climax, then increase their intensity and volume, until the women became EXTREMELY orgasmic. As a result, I am CONVINCED that difficulties climaxing are a direct result of one of the above three scenarios, and can be easily remedied with the proper mindset and understanding and a loving, patient partner.

      As always, being truthful with yourself and having good communication with your partner is the key. Think about whether or not you feel you can truly relax with your partner, and if you can't think about the reasons why. Communicate them with your partner if you feel it is something that can be changed. If you have an inexperienced partner, be patient and try to demonstrate what you need him to do in order for you to reach climax. If you don't know what you like and have never been able to reach climax, ask yourself what kind of beliefs you have had instilled in your childhood, what kind of negative associations do you have with sex? Confronting these demons may be painful at first, but will help you to finally relax and enjoy your sexuality.

      Important note: Ladies, never, ever, EVER fake your orgasms with a committed partner. It will only create awful habits. The reasons are many fold:

      1. The man will think he is pleasuring you and will never take the time to learn how to be better. As a result he will ignorantly continue to make the same mistakes both with you and other women.

      2. You will never get the pleasure you want because you've got the guy thinking he's a champion even though you're not really experiencing as much pleasure as you'd like.

      3. Faking orgasms will eliminate the possibility of having open communication with your partner. How are you going to tell your partner you're not getting what you want? Admit that you've been faking your orgasms this whole time? How will that make him feel? Is this the right way to lead a relationship?


      Ladies, remember, the correct mindset and open communication is the key. Don't fake your orgasms- honesty will set you free. You, like countless other women are able to climax powerfully, even multiple times. Assess your mindset, eliminate negative beliefs, truthfully evaluate your relationship with your partner, and learn what you enjoy and how to communicate it.

      Comment


      • #4
        Great advice from you both, thank you!

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