Jokes About Women

[Vivian]

A great collection of jokes about women illustrating the humorous side of the female personality.



Some women are like …

Poop:
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Comets:
All are beautiful, but they are cold as ice.

Computers:
Everything is stored in long-term memory for easy retrieval later on.

Cats:
They are cuddly and playful, but watch out when their claws come out!





Parrots:
They love to repeat things.

A game of Scrabble:
Their vocabulary is endless and always in play.

Christmas Trees:
The more gifts they have, the merrier they become.

Giraffes:
They beautiful to look at, but hard to keep.



Nine words women use …

1. Fine :
   This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. Five Minutes :
   If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3. Nothing :
   This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4. Go Ahead :
   This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
5. Loud Sigh :
   This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6. That’s Okay :
   This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7. Thanks :
   A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome.
8. Whatever :
   Is a women’s way of saying F@ck you!
9. Don’t worry about it, I’ll do it:
   Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking: ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3.
   Then you RUN!

Aspire to be Barbie – the bitch has everything.

If the shoe fits – buy them in every color.

Take life with a pinch of salt.. A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

In need of a support group? – Cocktail hour with the girls!

Go on the 30 day diet. (I’m on it and so far I’ve lost 15 days)

When life gets you down – just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.

I know I’m in my own little world, but it’s ok. They know me here.

Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

Don’t get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny…

Forget about the perfect man – he’s living in San Fran with his boyfriend.

Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.

If it has tires or testicles it’s gonna give you trouble.

By the time a women realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she’s wrong.

[shaillythomas]

good one,i like this