She Pisses Me Off, I Am Thinking of Breaking Everything off With Her

[Roy]

I hope well. I'm finally back in the US after about a year and a half. I'm in Alaska freezing my butt off now!

One girl I was dating in the Ukraine really pissed me off, and I am thinking of breaking everything off with her because of that, and I told her that, too. She went to my V Kontakte page (Russia's Facebook) and saw all my friends there (only 16) are girls.

She actually contacted one of them and started asking this other girl questions about me!

Well, the other girl told some lies about me to the one I was dating and made it sound like I was just a womanizing Casanova in the Ukraine.

Well, whatever transpired between them is not the point, but the point is invading my privacy and then also believing the words of someone who she doesn't know from Adam!

I told the girl I was seeing, 'How would you like it if I went to your Facebook or Kontakte page and started asking your friends about you?! You would never want to see me again or even talk to me because you would think I invaded your privacy, and also that I'm very insecure! And on top of that, you believe what a total stranger told you! Did it ever occur to you that maybe this other girl likes me and she told you those things about me to keep you away from me?!'

Anyway, after telling her all that, she's 'Real sorry!' and I was right in what I told her.

But the thing is, so many girls in that part of the world have a double standard; they can do what they want to, and a man better not dare say anything about it.

But let me do that, and I'm in real trouble with her!

My first girlfriend in the Ukraine many years ago actually let her guy friend come to her house to visit her once in a while.

But when a female friend would come visit me, or even call me? I was in trouble with her! Sure pisses me off!

Just two examples of psychos I had to deal with in my life...

[Dennis]

First off, while it's true that I've been at this long enough that almost nothing surprises me anymore, I couldn't believe how many of you still defending your psycho girlfriends and your twisted, dysfunctional relationships with them.

The recurring theme was, "It's not her fault or mine...and even women like her need love too."

You know what? I'm not going to argue with any of that.

The thing is, though, I'm of the opinion that bona fide crazy women can and should freely allow someone OTHER than me to love them.

Call me selfish, but I'm not willing to let my own life be ruined as collateral damage.

Apparently, however, a lot of you consider yourself up to that challenge. That's your own (potentially disastrous) decision.

However, if you count yourself among that crowd, consider this.

There was also a dogpile of guys who chimed in about red flag #1: "She'd Already Be In Jail Were She A Man".

Specifically, many questioned my statement that there's one code of law that applies to both male and female.

Lots of you have actually seen law enforcement treat crazy women a lot more favorably than they would any man.

In fact, some of you have been hauled away because of a psycho woman's accusations.

Let me be perfectly clear. I've actually been there myself.

One time my ex went ballistic, causing the neighbors to call the police. And yes, it was ME who had a lot of splainin' to do. I won out on that day, but it was a close call.

As such, the point of what I wrote the other day was to plant a seed in YOUR head, not throw a pity party for misdirected and/or gender-biased law enforcement.

The law really is the law, regardless of how the police on the street and/or the judges on the bench interpret it.

Therefore, regardless of what anyone else thinks, the first person whose opinion needs to be swayed when it comes to the idea of equal-opportunity legal rights and consequences is YOURS.

Yes, YOU.

The point is that we as men should not be rationalizing a psycho woman's behavior simply because she's female and we're male... period.

Otherwise you're in for a rough, rough life. And that's a promise.

One side note there is that it's dangerous to underestimate the manipulative power of any mentally ill woman OR man. That much is decidedly NOT gender specific.

It's not uncommon for some to have such a firmly held belief in the legitimacy or even righteousness of their behavior that they can confidently mesmerize others into agreeing that someone else is to blame--even if their claims are flat-out preposterous.

I've personally seen outrageous statements made with such utter personal charisma that it was dumbfounding.

If you're wondering how this can possibly be so, bear in mind that these folks really, truly believe their own B.S.

Importantly, some people whose reality tends to differ from that of everyone else around them have even been known to pass polygraph tests.

Hopefully, the potential ramifications of everything I just described are as scary to you as they are to me. And as such, I sincerely trust you'll make it a point to AVOID psychotic women.

Are the women Roy mentions legitimately crazy? That's up for discussion, as there seems to be some immaturity and or raw character issues at play there, actually.

But be that as it may, there are two secondary ideas that jumped out of his message and whacked me in the head.

The first is an object lesson in the pitfalls of managing a Facebook account when multiple women from your past AND the women you're currently dating are all "friends". Note the mayhem that can ensue when and if they decide to contact each other.

My take is that any mature human being you're dating would know better than to open a can of worms by contacting anyone else who is female on your "friends" list. But one just cannot assume maturity, right?

But that said, also look at how naïve some people can be in terms of blindly accepting the words of a stranger with regard to someone they know well. Fascinating, isn't it?

This bears witness to the simple truth that people tend to actively seek support for whatever beliefs they have.

In other words, if a woman is looking to find out you're a cheater, she'll tend to latch on to whatever she digs up that supports what she's hoping is true.

This is how good reputations are ruined mercilessly, and tragically--it's also how good people are led astray by master manipulators.

The other lesson to be learned from Steve's message might be a poignant one for those of you who've been led to believe that all women from your country (e.g. The United States or the UK) are "bad" and that women from other countries are "good".

One of the countries that most often comes up in that context is Ukraine, where Steve has spent some time.

The bottom line is that there are golden-hearted women and black-hearted women in EVERY country, and Steve is doing his level best to offer you clear evidence of that.

If you make excuses trying to put "all women" in your particular country in some sort of box, you may have to look no further than in the mirror to find where the solution to that dilemma is likely to come from.

That can be hard to face up to, can't it?

[Roy]

Helpful advice Dennis. Thank you