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I'm crazy or not? I need advice



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  • I'm crazy or not? I need advice

    So 4-5 months I've been in a refugee camp in Germany. And during the time, i've fallen in love. Now the problem is, I fell in lovewith one of the supervisors of the camp..but the even bigger problem is, he is a 42 year old married man, with 2 kids. He confessed to me before, he told me he liked me,and would have gotten in a relationship, if he didn't have a family. Beside of that, he smile atme everyday and tell me i'mbeautiful. Also recently, he askedme out. I freaked out and said yes. He told me he's not gonna be inthe camp for some days, and towait for him until he comes back, so that we both can go out together somewhere. Despiteeverything, I still know it's so wrong. He has a wife, and two kids. Sometimes I try to resist and tell myself this going completely crazy.Now I wanted to ask you guys what to do? What should I do? I feelutterly and completely ashamed of myself.

  • #2

    So I go out with him last time before I had "transfer" and basically, I ask him a lot of questions. We were dating in his car. So we were sitting in the car, cuddling some minutes. During our cuddling, I decided to ask him some questions. I start off with if he really loves his wife, and he, at first, started speaking about it dubious he said that the're that they even have kidstogether. And after he told me hehave a wish. I ask him which one, he said no he don't want to tell mebecause after i'll think bad about him. I insist and said no he canuntroubled tell me but after I guessed it myself. Obviously it's sex. Now this is odd considering before he told me he don't do sexwith women, because he ismarried. I remind him of his own words. After he respond withindeed, he don't do sex with other women but i'm an exeption andthat I grew in his heart. All this already, obviously, sounding off and like a red herring. After hestarted touching me (breast, hipsetc) biting my lip (which laterresulted in me having a spot ) And after he touch my face, and said he don't know why he fell in love with me. And that he don't want to let me go. Now the saddest and heart wrenching sentence was him looking sad at me, and telling me he wish for my happiness and that he knows it can't be archived in the camp. I got a little sad hearing this. Now fastforwarding the days I got transfer. I told him in Whatsapp he ask where? Whichcity? I told him I don't know yet.The last days in the camp, I onlylook forward in seeing him...but he don't come. He got sick. I ask theother workers where is he they respond with sick. Now I'mtransfered to my new place - I tell him I would like to see him (I even wanted to go to his city) He tells mewe can't meet up, because he is sick (which one one side is true)But after he recover, we almost have no contact...only one phone call in which he told he loved me, and that I have a good heart andi'm a good girl. And that he is looking for a apartment in his city, for me. And also in the phone call,he also said he will come the next day, taking a day off work, to spend a day with me. But the next morning...nothing. He apologizesto me on Whatsapp saying he issorry, he couldn't come because his kids got sick and he have totake care of them. I respond with Ok, no problem. But on the inside it was killing me. Now yesterday I also text him, he respond withplease, don't write to me now my wife has my phone. I'll write laterto you I said Ok. All of this is honestly, destroying and killing me. I feel like I mean nothing to himanymore..and i'm the only one putting in actual effort in what's between us..I think about finishing what's between us because I justdon't know anymore. When I was still in the camp, he used to payattention to me everyday, every second and now since i'mtransfered I feel like I meannothing to him anymore

    I don't know guys...What should I do? Please help
    Last edited by NewStyler; 02-01-2018, 07:56 PM.


    • #3
      You already know what to do, and that's to make conscious effort to stop whatever is going on between you both.

      As a matter of fact, you have two options;

      1. Continue with the relationship and get heart broken at the end.

      2. Quit the relationship now and be happy, and also create opportunity to meet other guys.

      The choice is yours to make.


      • #4
        Often single women that choose to date married men prefer someone that is already attached to another which helps to lessen the chances of hearing empty promises. That is if she is lucky enough to find a married man that is upfront about his status emotionally with his wife. However, there are no guarantees as typically one or the other starts to develop feelings with no outlet to resolve them.

        Maybe you don't have any other reasons except you find all men the same single or married and your moral compass says if there is a mutual attraction then there are no holds barred.

        But we are not here to examine the reasons why you feel it is acceptable or not. Let's instead debate some of the pitfalls or even advantages to dating a married man.

        You hear the expression "all the good ones are taken" echoed in almost every conversation between single females. If all the good ones are indeed taken does that not mean that they belong to someone else already? By taking away some others woman good one are you not helping to nullify that fact he was once a good one? I bet you have never looked at it that way.

        As mentioned at the beginning of this article you may think you are in a more open and honest relationship with a married man because unlike the single guy who pretended to be open to commitment then changed his mind, your married boyfriend cannot make a commitment to you since he already made one to another.

        What happens if he ends up falling in love with you but you are happily spending time being the girl on the side? A whole other can of worms is opened if you find yourself in that situation.

        Maybe you fall in love with him despite the fact that you thought you preferred the clandestine existence of your romance. Not only are you rejected once again by a man you love but he is choosing another woman over you. You stand the risk of joining a succession of women that now say all men are scoundrels; you've left yourself open to distrusting single and married men alike.

        Dating a married man also forces you to maintain a social calendar that revolves around his schedule. You end up knowing as much about his wife and children as he does since you are the keeper of the times they are away on vacation or temporarily indisposed. This is more work than it takes to maintain a dating life with a single guy. At least you have control over when you get together with him.

        Try making a greater effort to weed out some of those single guys and determine who is on the same page with you. Often women are so eager to have a guy in their life they neglect to watch out for the warning signs. Guys who cancel dates at the last minute or the guy that always forgets your birthday or anniversary are very positive warning signs. You are wasting time with that guy.

        Be true to yourself if you honestly prefer relationships with no strings attached as there are plenty of single guys that feel the same. And if you still believe in Prince Charming then stop kissing all the frogs and write the ending to your own personal fairy tale.