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MillionaireMatch

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  • I'm so confused

    First I am married, but decided my marriage is over about a year ago, however due to financial restrictions cannot file for divorce until jan 1, which I will do. I met a young lady about 8 years ago, and thought she was cute but quite immature, she is 10 yrs my junior and nothing ever came about and I wouldn't even have called her a friend. Fast forward to last June. I was transferred locations and once again was working with this young lady. I had heard some things about her that kinda made me look down on her. Me being kind of a prick went to poke at her situation one day, but after hearing her side of the story ended up giving her a hug and comforting her. She has 2 kids from 2 men, the second one was the situation I was going to make fun of her about, was a married man who convinced her he was in love with her and broke her heart. He then proceeded to leave her when she was 8 months pregnant and has never given her any assistance or even seen the child they have together. Though he still calls her feeding her stories about how he wants to be with her, but can't leave his wife and kids. She had plans before we were reintroduced to each other to move in with her first child's dad which she did in October.

    Me being not the greatest at talking to woman took about 3 months to ask her for her number, which I did in late august of.r so. I texted her that same night and we have been talking every since. Through our friendship I have developed feelings for her that I have never felt before. We have shared our personal demons with each other, so there is not a whole lot that either of us have not talked about. We have been intimate several times and they have been great. I go out of my way to make her smile. She has actually helped me change who I am, by helping me realize that I was only a prick because I wasn't happy with myself and I feel much better about myself now. I asked her favorite perfume one day and bought her some as a small surprise for her, she was shocked and told me that she had never really gotten anything from any of the men she had had in her life. Since then I have kinda spoiled her some lol, she has never asked for anything I just urge her to tell me things she likes and then sometimes get them for her. Then one day out of the blue she sends me a picture of an engagement ring. So I asked a couple of female friends I have what they would mean by it if they had sent it. They all agreed so the next day I went and put it in layaway.

    I have told her exactly how I feel and she played it off. We have talked about being together and she will always say something like, but with our situations it won't ever happen. She has told me that we are only friends a couple of times, but then we will go out and you can tell she has feelings, but won't reveal them. She is an open book to me on everything but what her feelings for me actually are. I think she is afraid that I am playing her like the last guy did, as he said he would leave his wife to be with her and all. I know she isn't using me for stuff as she doesn't ask for anything and sometimes asks me to stop getting her things. I think she is afraid I will hurt her, which would never happen

    i am so confused. Let me know what you think

    cpt

  • #2
    I think she has trust issues because of her past experience. I will suggest you don't rush things with her, just continue being friends with her and she will eventually get to trust you. The fact is that, you can't convince her to trust you, so that's the reason you need to give her time to make that decision.

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    • #3
      An abused woman always feels unsafe when she is near her abuser. Mostly the abusers are frustrated husbands who end up abusing their wives for getting rid of their frustration. These abused women always live in a state of fear and they hardly socialize with people and choose to remain confined in a room. These are basically signs of abuse and one must try and help such women if they ever can do so. The major part in helping an abused woman is to gain her confidence and trust. The first step in doing so will be to console her and try to help her in solving the tangles of her life.

      Most of the abuses are the by-products of unhappy marriages and they can be solved if the partners are willing to reach a common understanding. The hard part is to get the abused woman to trust you, to understand you so that she can get out of her problems. Spousal abuse is the most rampant form of domestic abuse, and it is the women that are mostly on the receiving side. This is something that needs immediate attention and must be curbed.

      To get an abused woman to trust you, you need to win over her confidence. This requires a series of approaches through which you can make sure that the abused woman does not take your help in the wrong light. You need to calm her first and try to console her. First of all if there are any physical signs of abuse, such as bruises and cuts you need to get her treated. After the abused woman is physically treated you need to try to treat her mentally.

      This mental treatment is the toughest part. There is a chance that the abused woman will take things in an adverse way and you need to convince her that you are doing this for her good. Usually the nurses or assistants in the Rehabs where abused woman are treated need to follow these steps to gain the confidence and the trust of the victim. This is very important in the treatment of the victim because if the victim takes things in the wrong sense it will impair her chances of recovering.

      After the woman is feeling better and you are comfortable with her, you need to try and get the reason for all the mess she is in. you should try and speak some soothing words to help her vomit the pain that she has been enduring. You can then try to set the relationship right and try to provide a better life to the abused woman.

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      • #4

        You both clearly feel strongly for each other.
        I think you should be patient and give her time. Let her come to trust you in her own way and at her own pace. Finish your divorce before ever considering proposing to her. Become her boyfriend and continue to win her trust, show her how much you love her and appreciate her, show her that you will be there for her two children. Take time. Enjoy the process. And one day after you have been in a committed relationship and both feel comfortable and confident saying "I love you" and talking about a future together, spring the question. It will mean so much to her that you have that same ring from a year/years before. But don't rush her.

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