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Why is my [17 M] crush [17 F] shy around me at school but not shy at parties/online?

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MillionaireMatch

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  • Why is my [17 M] crush [17 F] shy around me at school but not shy at parties/online?

    She knows I like her and has a "rebound" boyfriend according to her friends (I found out at a party and one of her friends specifically said that he was a rebound to make her ex jealous). They started going out two or so weeks after the break up.

    On to the main bit. She sometimes looks at me and she almost always looks down instantly. She is normally shy around me in school but she is normally flirty on snapchat or at parties.

    We were at a party (same one where I found about the rebound) and she seemed really happy when I showed up late. She also slapped my ass with a rubber chicken and ran away laughing. She kinda paused and looked at me for about 5 seconds before doing it. I was laughing too.

    Her ex kissed her best friend (who was in a relationship) at the party and I texted my crush to see if her best friend and her boyfriend were still together and she said they were. I replied with "what (ex) did was messed up" and she said it "wasn't that bad" and I agreed with "it was only a kiss" and she replied with "you know yourself" with a winking face, kinda implying that she might go out with me at some point.

    Her snaps are always of her face looking to the side with her mouth open or her looking at the camera with wide eyes.

    I just don't get why she is shy around me at school, sometimes she does look at me quite a bit and smiles when she sees me.

  • #2
    She is shy around you because she is attracted you. It's a normal feeling we have when we feel so much attraction towards someone. I suggest you take her out one of these days and make your feelings known to her. Don't be afraid, she won't turn you down because she is already attracted to you.

    Comment


    • throwaway1224
      throwaway1224 commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks! Was her behavior at the party just because she was slightly drunk and therefore felt more confident around me? She already knows my feelings for her but she was already with the rebound before I told her.

  • #3
    It's hard to guess a woman's true feelings if she doesn't tell you out loud how she feels about you. Dating someone new or trying to ask your crush out for the first time can be nerve-racking if you have no idea whether she feels the same way about you. Women use body language a lot more than men to send signals that they are interested. The way she acts towards you and the body language she uses when you are around can tell you a lot about her true feelings. Knowing the top signs that say she likes you can help you land the woman of your dreams.

    1. She touches you a lot when you are talking. Women show their interest and affection toward a man by lightly touching him, especially on the arm and hands. If she frequently reaches out to touch your arm or pat you on the back, it's a sign that she is very interested in you.

    2. She stands close to you. Women like to be close to the men that they like because it makes them feel happy and comfortable. When she stands close to you, it means she feels secure and protected. It's a very strong sign that she likes you because women keep a large distance between themselves and men they aren't interested in romantically.

    3. One of the most common unconscious signs of flirting is touching hair. When women interact with a man they like, they sometimes unintentionally twirl strands of hair, or run their hands through it repeatedly in an attempt to appear feminine and attractive.

    4. She is playful around you. Flirting is not just about the physical signs, but it's also about what she says and how she communicates with you. If she likes you, she'll try to make you laugh in an attempt to build a special bond between the two of you.

    5. She gives you her contact information and says you can reach her any time. If she likes you, she'll make herself available for a date. She'll let you know that by giving you hints that she's free and would like to go out sometime. Unfortunately, women often feel as if they can't ask a man out. She might want to go out with you, but she may be waiting for you to make the first move.

    6. You see her all the time. If she's interested in you, she'll try to be as much around you as possible to get you to notice her. If you work together, and she's always passing by your desk even though there is no reason why she should, then she is probably trying to get your attention.

    7. She looks into your eyes. Strong eye contact is a definite sign that she likes you. By looking into your eyes, she wants to establish a deeper connection and feel closer to you.

    8. Girl listens to you and pays attention when you speak. Women connect on an emotional level as well as physical. If she asks you questions about your life and pays attention to your conversations, it means she's interested in you as a person and she cares about your feelings.

    Comment


    • #4
      The Crush

      They are exciting. Full of potential. The peak of your attraction to someone. Ordinary things become magnified: I mean, look at the way her eyes crinkle when she laughs; his hands have such a strength about them. It's a never-ending game called idolization. To prove my point, how come all of the things that we tend to notice about people we have a crush on are positive?: "Welcome to my pedestal, would you like a lift?"

      But the reality is that there is no reality inside of a crush. It is the space between what I want and who I think the other person is; if I approach someone from the place of having a "crush" on them, I'm giving up my opportunity to really get to know who that person is and, essentially, throwing the dice on whether they will meet my expectations. Some people come up lucky that way but, my guess is, the odds are not in their favor. Most of us won't meet someone significant by acting on our crushes.

      Let's do a deconstruction lesson. As a verb, crush has a variety of meanings: 1. to press, mash, or squeeze so as to injure, break, crease, etc.; 2. to break or grind (rock, ore, etc) into small particles; 3. to put down or subdue, especially by force; 4. to extract (juice, water, etc) by pressing; 5. to oppress harshly; 6. to hug or clasp tightly; 7. to defeat or humiliate utterly, as in argument or by a cruel remark; 8. to crowd; throng 9. to become injured, broken, or distorted by pressure. As a noun, crush means: 10. a dense crowd, especially at a social occasion; 11. the act of crushing; pressure; 12. a drink or pulp prepared by or as if by crushing fruit: orange crush; 13. a) an infatuation: she had a crush on him; b) the person with whom one is infatuated. This whole slew of definitions tends to leave a relatively bleak outlook. The wording insinuates, or, rather, blatantly conveys, that to "crush" on is oppressive.

      Why the negative symbolism to describe something that begins so pleasantly? One interpretation might be that it demonstrates the unequal weight of one force onto another; of your expectations on another. Infatuation works this way. It is understood as one-sided, and rooted in fantasy. Anyone who has watched "Fatal Attraction," a film that society and Hollywood tend to dredge up in any questionable love interest from a woman, or "Law & Order," "CSI," or variation of, where (generally) male stalkers and the like are put away for one-way obsession, understands the implication when a "crush" turns a nasty corner. The message is clear: left unattended for too long (or, worse, if a crush takes control), you're off your rocker. A seemingly selfless act-shining the light on someone else's positive qualities-quickly unveils itself as narcissism.

      It doesn't have to be all negative, though. What I have learned from my crush phase(s) is that it's important to be reminded of what my gut longs for. Sometimes, I think I get lost in logic in the "list phase" (making a list of qualities ideal in a relationship) and focus too hard on ordering from a menu instead of feeling my way through. There is a memory of stimuli for particular senses that gets locked away when we're hurt or disappointed, or just from so much time passing that we forget it's there. Inside that memory bank are smells, tastes, sounds, reactions...that are familiar and therefore warrant my attention. Since much social science insists that attraction is based on two constants: proximity and likeness, these unconscious traits are what my yin is seeking in their yang. Or is it the other way around?

      Anyway, the point is, to dig into the potential when feeling a crush-not of who the other might be-but of who you are. This is where I think so many people get it confused (myself included, obviously): thinking that the crush has to do with the other person. And, in a way, it does, but only in the sense that they have shown up to remind me of what I desire, crave, instinctively respond to, despite any logical protests. This is so important, given that we live in a society where we are told what we desire, how we desire it, and when to desire it, every day. Rather than realizing that desire is internal and self-fed, we believe (and have been taught that) it exists outside of us. Thus, the subject of my desire becomes, through some serious training and practice, the source of my desire. To put it another way, as one of my former mentors once said, "pedestals make the fall back to reality even harder."

      One of my favorite lines in a movie is in "The Family Stone," where Luke Wilson's character gives Sarah Jessica Parker's character a social lesson in a booth at a bar: "you have a freak flag. You just don't fly it." What are you a freak about? This is really where crushes get exciting. Why else would you be able to have multiple crushes at the same time? Because, if the attraction was based in reality, you'd have to take responsibility for all those feelings. That's a lot of work for one person alone, let alone several. Perhaps those who are skilled in polyamory might be able to write more on this but for now, let's assume that most of us are monogamous in relationships. Crushes are like breadcrumbs: clues to lead you back to your own "freak flag" and to remind you what you find attractive. It's all fun and games in this stage but nothing should be taken too seriously. If you find yourself making more meaning out of a crush (like believing they must feel the same way about you), it's time to move on or move through.

      Comment


      • throwaway1224
        throwaway1224 commented
        Editing a comment
        I appreciate the comment but I only used crush as I know her reasonably well and have fallen for her over the last year from working with her and knowing her. I was wondering if her behavior towards me was indicative of her liking me and not me embellishing the thought.

    • #5
      Originally posted by throwaway1224
      Was her behavior at the party just because she was slightly drunk and therefore felt more confident around me?
      You are definitely right, she was more confident around you at the party because she was slightly drunk. Of course, she isn't going to get drunk to school, hence she is shy around you.

      Comment


      • throwaway1224
        throwaway1224 commented
        Editing a comment
        thanks, makes a lot of sense!

    • #6

      Originally posted by Bradwin View Post

      You are definitely right, she was more confident around you at the party because she was slightly drunk. Of course, she isn't going to get drunk to school, hence she is shy around you.
      so she might like me but just be shy then.

      Comment

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