Google Adsense

Collapse

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Got to know that she is cheating on me form her FB chats.how should i confront her

Collapse

MillionaireMatch

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Got to know that she is cheating on me form her FB chats.how should i confront her

    There were a 1 month of silence between us and suddenly she blocked me from texting & messaging her. I really don't know what went wrong and were eager to know the actual reason. I approached a scraping service online to get her chats and access details copied so that I can have a look on it.Even though they told that there will be a fee for doing this , I took that risk.But as told I got the access details for her account scraped.

    It was very clear from her chats that she is having a serious affair with someone working with her.I do have enough proof now but am worried to confront with these messages as she will come to know that I do have access to her account.What will be the best way to confront her ? Please suggest.

  • #2
    I believe that the perception is that if they have enough respect for you to admit their deception, then there is at least something redeemable about the situation. Most people see placing proof in front of the cheating partner and demanding that they stop their lies as sort of the last resort. Many people perceive catching them in the act of cheating as even less desirable. Therefore, the following article will focus on methods that you can try to appeal to them and convince them that admitting their cheating is simply the right thing (or the only thing) to do.

    What You Have To Overcome To Get Them To Admit They Are Cheating: Before I get to specifics, I have to tell you that this isn't likely to be easy. If your partner was comfortable with your knowing about their "other" relationship, then they wouldn't have gone through the trouble of hiding it. Most of the time, people who cheat have some moral dilemma to over come in the beginning, but once they do, and once they begin to commit to their lies, it's very hard to go back at that point. Often, they've weaved a whole untrue little tale that begins to build upon itself. So, once they admit to one lie, then they are ultimately admitted to tons of them and they often just are not willing to do this.

    This may be an oversimplification, but they aren't telling you the truth because they don't feel safe in doing so. They feel that it's in their, or even your, best interest for them to continue lying. Many people will try to get around this by reassuring their partner with something like "no matter what you tell me, we can get through anything, etc." The problem is, the partner, boyfriend, spouse, etc. knows very well that what you're asking him to tell you is not your run in the mill little problem like he overcharged your bank account or he forgot to take the dog to get his shots.

    No, you're asking him to disclose a deal breaker which he knows is going to cause a lot of pain, drama, and turmoil. He knows you're going to see him in an entirely different light and are going to be devastated. He also knows that you might tell others. He knows full well that the fall out of this is going to be brutal. So, in his mind, it's much easier to just keep his lips zipped and to continue to deny. He's hoping that you will eventually give up or that he'll be able to cover his tracks better in the future.

    Trying The Non confrontational Strategy To Get Them To Admit Their Cheating: Most people intuitively know that if they lash out at their partner and very verbally demand answers with an angry stance, then they are often only going to meet resistance. If you come at them with phrases like "I know that you're cheating on me and I'm going to catch you so you might as well just save us both a lot of time and admit it," then the chances are very good that they are going to become defensive. Very few people are going to say "Yep, you're absolutely right. I give up right now."

    See, they already have too much time and deception invested here. They've already been through all of the potential responses in their mind and have already come up with the answers. You're usually much better off coming at them in a loving way. It's more difficult for them to respond negatively if you don't give them a reason to be angry. Instead of making accusations, you want to come at them like you're asking them to help you out. An example is something like "I know this is going to sound crazy, but your absences and coldness has my imagination running away with me. As silly as it sounds, I'm worried that you're cheating or not telling me the truth."

    You've presented it in such a way that you aren't confrontational. They have no reason to lash out at you. Their choice here is to either comfort you and offer reassurances or to remove themselves from the situation and retreat. Which happens will give you some indication as to what's really happening. In the days to come, their behavior may or may not change. Watch closely to see which happens.

    Often this nice guy or gal routine is not going to give you complete answers. But, you've begun the process in a non accusatory way. So, when this thing is still not resolved, you've set yourself up to press harder without appearing to be the bad guy. Next time, you can tell them that you're still feeling doubts and noticing issues. Therefore, you need more than just verbal reassurances. You want phone logs, text messages, emails, etc. Now, if they are truly innocent, they might get irritated by this, but once they calm down, they will often offer you what you've asked. If they don't, then you know exactly where you need to look when you dig deeper. (What they are most defensive about is often right where you need to look.)

    If All Else Fails, Gather Proof And Use This To Enhance The Conversation: Hopefully, the fact that you've come to them in good faith is going to count for something. You took the high road and came to them first. You gave them every opportunity to make things right. If they still are not willing to do this and you're still seeing those indicators that they are cheating, then eventually you will have to come to the conclusion that they aren't going to offer honesty willingly.

    As a last resort, you may have to get what you've asked them for yourself. Often when people are starring right at the incriminating phone or computer print outs know that the whole deception has reached its end. I know that this is the last resort, and of course you should try to talk to them, appeal to them, and ask them questions coupled with reassurances first, but know that there are other options should these things fail. And you can often continue right on with your same stance when you show them what you know. They will know that you used this as a last resort.

    Comment


    • #3

      Your girlfriend cheated on you. You can hardly believe it and you're fuming, mad with her and with yourself for trusting her. But underneath all that, you're also feeling pretty devastated. A cheating girlfriend is a shattering blow to the ego.

      Some guys never seem to have a problem keeping their women faithful, so why has your girlfriend cheated on you?

      Actually, it happens more often than you may think, although lots of men don't like admitting it, and would prefer to forget all about it - even to the point of pretending not to remember her name. But before you do anything, how certain are you that your girlfriend really did cheat on you?

      If you're more suspicious than sure at the moment, then stop and think about what you are doing. Have there been any real signs that your girlfriend cheated on you? Is your relationship in trouble in other ways too?

      See what you can read into your girlfriend's recent behaviour.

      Signs Your Girlfriend Cheated On You

      There are telltale signs that help you see when someone is cheating. See if any of these signs fit.<
      • You've been spending less time together. Is your girlfriend suddenly too busy even to see you? She may have good reasons for it, and her new habits may be temporary, but it may just be that she's not as committed to your relationship as she was.
      • You no longer have fun together. If her first choice for fun times is no longer you, then she certainly isn't getting what she wants from your relationship. Things are getting boring, and she is looking outside your relationship for the solution.
      • She shows you less affection than she used to. Some women can love two guys at the same time, but many can't. If a previously affectionate and tactile girlfriend is now acting like the original ice-queen, there may be another man in the picture.
      • She starts changing her appearance. If your girlfriend suddenly goes on a diet and starts working out, then she's trying to impress somebody. It could be herself, it could be you - or it could be Mr Next In Line who is the happy recipient of her efforts.
      • You catch her telling lies. Has she suddenly become protective of her cell phone, her computer and her handbag? This could be because they hold secrets she'd desperate to keep from you. That secret could be another man.

      Even if you recognise some of these signs, try to get some solid proof before you confront her, as it's always possible that you've jumped to conclusions in a fit of paranoia.

      If you know for sure that your girlfriend cheated on you, then you've reached a crisis. If the big scene doesn't end with her walking out, then you have two choices: you can dump her or you can try to forgive her and get her back.

      Dumping her is the straightforward option, but however satisfying, it will also be painful.

      Forgiving her will be hardest of all, and you should be very sure of your motives before you start down that road.

      Whatever happens, you need to be able to move on without letting the experience sour your next relationship.

      Forgive But Don't Forget; Learn From Your Mistakes

      Forgiveness is probably not much on your mind right now. But anger and bitterness are very destructive, and they will poison your future relationships if you hold on to them. Think of forgiveness as the best present you can give yourself.

      As long as you allow her the power to anger and hurt you, you are also allowing her to go on controlling your life. You don't need to like her again; you just need to forgive yourself for not seeing through her sooner; and let the past go.

      Don't blame yourself. Think about the character flaws that led to her cheating and next time try to choose a woman without these faults.

      It's Not You, It's Her

      Cheating was her choice. No-one forced her into it; no matter how much she may try to blame you. Cheating is always a choice.

      You may have missed or ignored the warning signs. But your girlfriend should have told you why she was unhappy and given you the chance to put it right. Whatever your shortcomings, you didn't deserve this. A relationship is nothing without loyalty and trust.

      Why did she cheat? Probably for one of the same reasons men cheat.
      • She knew she wouldn't be found out - MANY people have confessed that they would quite happily cheat if they could be sure their other half would never find out. In the end whether or not someone cheats comes down to character.
      • A cheat's way to end a relationship - there was nothing really WRONG with the relationship, and it was easier than trying to come up with a plausible reason. A sure sign of this is when it's clear she WANTS you to find out.
      • The man tempted me and I did eat - well, it worked for Adam. She met someone who wanted to sleep with her (duh!) and surrendered to his blandishments. If a man knows the right way to seduce a woman, she's putty in his hands.
      • I didn't love him, it was just lust - he was gorgeous, the moment was right, the sex was amazing - what can she say?
      • Some women really like sex - women are quite capable of emotionless sex if they consciously view it as a purely physical experience. And when it doesn't involve love, it feels as if it doesn't really count - just like cheating men always say.

      Sometimes it's best to accept that you were wrong for each other and leave it at that. Try to spot the red flags quicker next time, and see when something's not working.

      Be More Discriminating When You Choose

      When looking for a girlfriend, you need to be a lot pickier than you would be when just looking for someone to sleep with.

      The trouble is that, unless a man has a lot of options, the woman who was OK to sleep with can turn into a girlfriend, just because she wants to regularise the relationship and it's preferable to a celibate life.

      This is a bad, bad way to acquire a girlfriend. You are settling for whatever you can get.

      Be a chooser in future. Think about the qualities you really want in a girlfriend and actively choose someone who is closer to that ideal. Not exactly the ideal, of course, because nobody's perfect; but a lot closer than you've been getting in the past.

      Don't Bring Negative Expectations to Your Next Relationship

      Don't dump your bitterness onto every woman you meet. Give the next woman a chance to make you happy, instead of making her pay for someone else's sins.

      If the wounds are still too fresh for you to be able to give another woman your trust, then you need to take a break from dating. Remember that a well-rounded person has many aspects to their life, so give your time and energy to your work, your hobbies, your friends and building a great life for yourself.

      A high value woman won't waste her time with a man who clearly hates and distrusts her entire sex. She has too many better options to choose from.

      Remember that cheaters never win in the long run - unless you let them. Just because your girlfriend cheated on you, don't let it ruin your life. The chances are that the man she left you for will find himself standing in your shoes one day.

      Forgive yourself (and her) and leave the bad times in the past. Use the experience to learn how to choose better in future, and you efforts will be rewarded.

      Comment

      Working...
      X