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How to deal with an overly anxious girlfriend?

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  • How to deal with an overly anxious girlfriend?

    My girlfriend is extremely anxious. She sees dangers everywhere and she often imagines consequences that are totally unrealistic. So far I tried the best I could to make her feel safe and make her feel to have control over the environment around her, because this is what I think I should do for my significant other, but she's getting more and more anxious over time and I feel that I won't be able to handle the situation anymore.

    Issue #1: no matter how hard I try to make her feel comfortable, I make mistakes (I'm a human after all) and this drives her mad every time. Example: going to work together by car, I miss the exit on the highway. She gets angry and sad, imagines the worst outcomes. I stay calm, show her that we only delayed by 10 minutes, that we're not late for work, that nothing bad is gonna happen, but I have no success.

    Issue #2: there are also things that I cannot do to make her comfortable. Example: for some reason, she thought that the fridge went off during the night for an hour and she wanted to throw away all the food because she thought it was bad. Normally I would try to make her comfortable by doing what she wants, but I could not let it happen this time, so I tried, with calm, to make her understand that the fridge didn't went off and even if it did, the food was still good. This of course triggered a reaction in her and she became sad, angry and violent.

    Other issues: I can keep going with the list: while walking on the sidewalks she's sometimes afraid of certain guys, she's very afraid of bugs, when I go on a trip for work she's afraid I won't come back, ... These are all small things, I know, but this is exactly the problem: I want to live a happy life without having to go mad about every single detail. Also, how will she react when a real problem occurs? What if I get sick? What if she loses her job?

    I'm very happy with her and I would do everything for her. However, these episodes are starting to appear more and more frequently, and she is getting more angry and violent every time. I feel that the situation is getting out of control and that I'm actually damaging her by letting her do whatever she wants. Months ago I tried being more bold and enforced some limits, but this only makes things worse for her: I don't want to increase her fears.

    Now I'm very rational, I think carefully, I always value proofs and facts. She's very impulsive, a bit naive, a bit childish. I know my "rational method" cannot work with her. So far my hope has been to build trust: if she can trust me, maybe I can convince her that certain dangers that she perceives are not so big. At the moment she trusts more fake news websites (that raise more concerns in her) than me. However, as I said, I make mistakes and she cannot really forget all the mistakes I make. She is affected by those episodes where I put here in "danger", and according to her those mistakes cannot be cancelled by all the good things I did and I'm doing for her. And this is why I'm worried: the situation is degenerating, my plan of building trust is not working and won't work, I don't know what to do. I feel there's nothing wrong with her, but I would really like to see her more relaxed. Suggestions?

  • #2
    Make art together. Go on hikes together. Take an impulsive weekend holiday together to the beach to make sandcastles. Visit a record store or go to a show together. Drive around and point out houses or gardens that you both like. Establish unique bonding time.

    The power of affection and sexuality can express love, give comfort and uplift moods like nothing else. It will make her feel beautiful and desired. It will be a satisfying way to reconnect on spiritual, emotional and physical levels. Be affectionate and watch how even in the darkest of times, the deepest sensation of calming hope is available to both of you.

    Recovering from depression and anxiety during my own relationship has been challenging, but it also helped us strengthen our companionship. We ask each other questions when we need clarity and we work to respond to each other with compassion. Ultimately, I learned that effective partnership grows from honoring each other’s needs and treating your partner like the fragile and precious person you fell in love with.

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    • #3
      Sounds like a really severe case of anxiety, seems it's gone untreated for quite some time. Heres what you need to know: Anxiety IS an illness and it's starting to seem like she's losing her own sense of reality. Have you maybe talked to her about seeing someone? Some people with mental illness may not even realize they have a problem, so in this regard she may lash out at you for assuming such a thing but I can say from my own experience with mental illness, it won't get better until something is done( took me years to seek help) if you really love her you have to get a better understanding of what she's going through. I'd hate for you to leave her because of this but you shouldn't have to suffer either soon it will affect you negatively. It's a real problem that can't go on depending on the severity she may say or do something she'll deeply regret. I can just recommend giving her options, let her know you support her and that getting help doesn't mean she's crazy it can greatly improve her quality of life. I hope this helps. Good luck to you..

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      • #4
        Originally posted by David View Post
        Make art together. Go on hikes together. Take an impulsive weekend holiday together to the beach to make sandcastles. Visit a record store or go to a show together. Drive around and point out houses or gardens that you both like. Establish unique bonding time.
        We do a lot of things together. In general, I would say that we are having a great time, but her anxiety episodes are starting to occur more and more frequently, and her anger is increasing. Going out triggers her anxiety much more than staying at home.

        Originally posted by nunya biz View Post
        Sounds like a really severe case of anxiety, seems it's gone untreated for quite some time. Heres what you need to know: Anxiety IS an illness and it's starting to seem like she's losing her own sense of reality. Have you maybe talked to her about seeing someone?
        I actually tried a few times to invite her to speak to someone (even just to a friend), but she clearly doesn't want to. After her first big episode, triggered by a spider in the park, I tried talking to her, saying that we can go back to the park together and step by step we can overcome this fear, but she immediately started crying saying that one day I would close her in an institution. From that I can conclude that she's clearly very afraid of doctors too, and she won't see a specialist if I ask her to.

        For the record, I never said that she's sick or anything, I haven't even used the word "anxiety" with her. I don't want her to think that there's something wrong with her. I just want to make things easier for her.

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