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My story is complicated and I need answers

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MillionaireMatch

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  • My story is complicated and I need answers

    Hello. My name is Brandon. Me and my ex-girlfriend sadly have been broken up for about a month and a half.
    We broke up because I was at my senior year in high school. I had a bunch of things to do and without realizing it I was growing more distant from my love. She even tried explaining that she was in a "bad place". And I tried to help but it seemed like nothing I was doing was solving anything. I would ask her what I needed to do to help and she would say she didn't know and I would be stuck to figure it out. With this along with all my senior priorities I just lost track of everything. About a month later she admitted to going out to the movies with a guy that she had mixed feelings for. I was so shocked I just ended it without even asking for an explanation. Later that night I broke a promise to her. One that I've broken before. The next day I decided that we should work this out. That we should fix this. And she agreed. I started by confessing what I did and then she told me that she couldn't. That she couldn't work this out with me. I didn't understand because we both made mistakes and I thought she would be understanding of that.
    After a long push and pull of talking she finally said that she would need time to think about it. And I agreed.

    She went to Cali The same day to see her dad so she was gone for two weeks. In that time we didn't really talk. It was off and on. She didn't tell me where she was going or what she was doing or anything and it hurt because she used to. She used to tell me everything. When we talked she seemed distant and would respond to me in short text. Then she came home and I wanted to see her. She kept saying maybe. She was always "out" and had "plans". Which just frustrated me cause I didn't know. She mentioned a friend that I haven't heard of. And she still wouldn't text me for days. Eventually about a week later we did see each other and it was great. We talked and laughed and she said she missed me and loved me. She hugged me really long like we used to do and kissed me on the cheek. I thought this was a turn around. But really it was more confusing. She didn't text me the next day and still acted like she wasn't interested. About a week after that we went to this event together with her friend. The parts when we were alone was good but other than that I was frustrated cause she didn't act the way she did when we saw each other the week before. I couldn't touch her like I thought I could (hand holding, shoulder holding, hip holding, etc.). But at the end when we went to her car she hugged me and kissed me on the cheek like last time (????)
    The last time we saw each other was two weeks ago when she came to the school to pick up her books that she left. I walked her to the car and that time she didn't go for a hug. Keep in mind we still didnt talk that much either.

    And now back to the present. I had a friend help me out and I found out that she does know I've been trying. I have been patient. I've never went off on her. I've kept most of my feelings too myself. About my pain and my heart break and what I think for a moment was depression. I've made her a mixtape (I've done it before so it wasn't that big a deal). I have been so understanding.
    But now she tells me that she doesn't know and that she doesn't think she can handle getting back together. She says that we could maybe someday try again, but she wants to focus on herself for now.
    I've been reading upon this and it says that we need to communicate and talk to each other. How can I do this if she shut me out?
    How can I show her I've changed and that I'm willing to make this strong again if she doesn't even talk to me that much and is iffy about seeing seeing me?
    and it's crazy because she says she still loves me. And I am leaving to college in a week. And I just don't know how to do this.
    I really do love her and I want this to work. I want us to work this out and fix things. I already have enough information from her to know that she's considering it. But is not talking to her about this a good choice? How can I communicate if she is not talking to me?
    I don't want to seem over bearing or desperate. Because I'm not.
    I just want to know how can I show her that i really love her and want to be better? How can I communicate with little to no communication at all?
    What do I need to do?

  • #2
    Girls can be so confusing - understanding them is hard. So, when a guy says "My girlfriend says she needs space, what does that mean?" I think we, as guys, can all relate to him. However, if your girlfriend said this, there is obviously something at hand, so you HAVE TO understand what she means. Fortunately, "I want space" DOES mean something, and it's crystal clear what it means to relationship experts - and they can explain it to you.

    Girlfriend Needs Space

    When your girlfriend says this to you, it means that she is tired of the relationship. Whether or not she wants this to be permanent (or temporary), there is one thing that is clear: Your girlfriend wants to be alone for some time. This might be due to a lot of reasons. However, what she means is very clear: She wants a temporary break from the relationship. Since this might sound harsh, she is trying to sugar coat it with "I need personal space to find myself", or something like that.

    What Should I Do When My Girlfriend Says She Needs Space?

    This is something hard to do - a lot of guys fail in doing this, and end up irritating their girlfriends (who become even more fed up with them and the relationship) and kill any chance to get their girlfriend back. Physically, it's as simple as it gets: When your girlfriend asks for space, you give her space. You heard correctly. Just leave her be. DO NOT CONTACT HER IN ANY WAY. This is counter-intuitive, but the greatness in this is that, it is counter-intuitive for your girlfriend too! What good is this, you ask?

    Your girlfriend is totally expecting you to fight back and resist. When you actually respect her needs, she will not only appreciate that - but you will plant a seed of doubt in her by doing that. "He obviously didn't want a breakup before - what changed?" "Didn't he actually want me?" "What is he up to?"

    Women are very curious. With this aura of mystery, doubt and curiosity you will invoke in her; it's going to be very easy to get your girlfriend back. Don't forget - if you say "my girlfriend says she needs space", what to do is clear: you give her space! Try it! - it will be very easy to get back together in no time at all.

    Comment


    • #3
      You need to put the brakes on before you scare her away for good. If you want any chance of rebuilding a loving, trusting relationship with your girlfriend again you need to be strong and give her some space... to begin with.
      I want to give you 3 tips to help get you and your girlfriend talking again so that you can work on building a relationship with her again.

      1. Stop calling her - in fact leave it 30 days before you make contact

      Think about how you have behaved in her eyes since you broke up e.g. constantly calling her even though she won't talk to you... one minute begging her to come back and the next, angry and shouting at her etc. Put yourself in her shoes and try to imagine how she sees you... and STOP any of those negative behaviours now or you risk looking immature or worse still reported for harassment. Use those 30 days positively, start looking after yourself, get down the gym, see friends and do things that build your confidence and make you feel good.

      2) Keep things polite and civilised at all times - don't get angry

      The next time you bump into her when you are out in town or a bar etc just smile and say "hello" but then go off and do your own thing or you could even politely say that since she is there you will leave if it will make her feel more comfortable (keep it nice and polite!)

      3) Do the unexpected and get her curiosity going

      I know I already said this but it is sooooo important! If you have been trying to talk to your her, calling her several times of day (or even once a day) stop... completely... STOP! Did I say stop calling her? Well just for good measure STOP! (and that includes emails and text too) Stay away from the phone for at least 30 days and then make one call to say that you were thinking of her and wondered if she was doing ok... just keep it simple. Please trust me on this. If she doesn't answer, do NOT leave a message, leave it another 2 days and try again. Eventually she will be curious and may even call you! If she starts to sound suspicious wanting to know why you really called just reassure her that you just called because you missed her and wanted to check she is ok. If the conversation goes well you could ask her if she would like to meet for a quick coffee... it's important at this stage that you are not asking for anything that requires too much commitment on her part. Just keep it light-hearted and short - just meet up for half an hour. Be strong and end the call on a good note.

      You will have succeeded in changing your behaviour from negative to positive and she will start to wonder what's going on... and start to feel curious!

      Comment


      • #4
        Use these 5 tips to prove to her that you have changed: Let Your Girlfriend Notice It First - If you present it to your girlfriend, he/she will think that you are just saying it so that they can be fooled into taking you back. That's why you MUST let your girlfriend notice the change first, and you shouldn't make obvious and blatant attempts to point out your efforts here, because genuine efforts will ALWAYS be noted naturally, without any extra effort from your end to tell your ex about it.
        Don't Try To Change "Overnight"- Trying to change overnight will end up leading you to easily slip up if your girlfriend should reject your initial attempts to prove that you have changed. The slip up comes when you get mad or upset when he/she doesn't accept you again, and that's when you prove to your girlfriend that you still haven't changed. So let the change come in gradually, so that it STICKS and so that your ex can believe it's genuine.
        Change The Most Important Things First - If the #1 thing that your girlfriend has been asking you to do is to just criticize less, DO THIS thing the most. If the #1 thing that your girlfriend always asks you to do is just LISTEN, then DO THAT. Whatever the #1 concern for your girlfriend is at this time, make it your priority so that your ex feels you are co-operating with them, and that you truly DO want to be the person they want.
        Don't Ask Your Girlfriend What They Want - Your ex has told you countless times what they are looking for, and they have clarified plenty of times what exactly it is that they dislike about your behavior. Asking them again what to change, or how to change will only discourage them and will make them think you simply will never "GET" what they are looking for. In other words: the change has to come 100% from your end this time, without relying on your girlfriend to tell you what to do or what to change.
        Don't Rush The Change - You want to change overnight, and you may even BELIEVE that you have; but change does not just come in the thought, but also comes in your words and actions. Be patient with your girlfriend and yourself, and give yourself TIME for the change to sink in so that it appears genuine to your girlfriend. Your girlfriend is not expecting you to change overnight, but rather he/she is waiting for change that comes naturally and permanently.

        Comment


        • #5

          Originally posted by Gloria View Post
          Use these 5 tips to prove to her that you have changed: Let Your Girlfriend Notice It First - If you present it to your girlfriend, he/she will think that you are just saying it so that they can be fooled into taking you back. That's why you MUST let your girlfriend notice the change first, and you shouldn't make obvious and blatant attempts to point out your efforts here, because genuine efforts will ALWAYS be noted naturally, without any extra effort from your end to tell your ex about it.
          Don't Try To Change "Overnight"- Trying to change overnight will end up leading you to easily slip up if your girlfriend should reject your initial attempts to prove that you have changed. The slip up comes when you get mad or upset when he/she doesn't accept you again, and that's when you prove to your girlfriend that you still haven't changed. So let the change come in gradually, so that it STICKS and so that your ex can believe it's genuine.
          Change The Most Important Things First - If the #1 thing that your girlfriend has been asking you to do is to just criticize less, DO THIS thing the most. If the #1 thing that your girlfriend always asks you to do is just LISTEN, then DO THAT. Whatever the #1 concern for your girlfriend is at this time, make it your priority so that your ex feels you are co-operating with them, and that you truly DO want to be the person they want.
          Don't Ask Your Girlfriend What They Want - Your ex has told you countless times what they are looking for, and they have clarified plenty of times what exactly it is that they dislike about your behavior. Asking them again what to change, or how to change will only discourage them and will make them think you simply will never "GET" what they are looking for. In other words: the change has to come 100% from your end this time, without relying on your girlfriend to tell you what to do or what to change.
          Don't Rush The Change - You want to change overnight, and you may even BELIEVE that you have; but change does not just come in the thought, but also comes in your words and actions. Be patient with your girlfriend and yourself, and give yourself TIME for the change to sink in so that it appears genuine to your girlfriend. Your girlfriend is not expecting you to change overnight, but rather he/she is waiting for change that comes naturally and permanently.
          Interesting! I will read this too

          Comment

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