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Do You Consider Flirting Cheating?

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MillionaireMatch

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  • Do You Consider Flirting Cheating?

    I'm wondering what if you consider flirting cheating?
    I had a big row with my boyfriend over this. We was out together clubbing and a good looking guy was dancing with me and paying me compliments. yes I enjoyed the attention. But for me that was all it was.......Fun.

    But he got so upset and we argued. He accused me of cheating. I do really like him. But I like to enjoy myself when I am out and I dont want this happen every time another boy comes near me.
    What are your thoughts and/or opinions on this. . . ?


  • #2
    Now this a Great question with a complicated answer, so here we go in handy numbered form:

    1. Personally I think that STOPPING non-serious flirting with other people (at least in a playful way) is downright deadly to a relationship.

    I deal with a LOT of men and women every day who talk about how "dead" they feel sexually and emotionally after a few months or a few years together.

    How they just don't feel attractive to the opposite sex any more.

    Or how they feel suffocated by having to shut that flirty, fun, sparkly side of their personality down. And relying on just one person to appreciate you emotionally and physically while denying that kind of energy from everybody else can really be toxic.

    So in a weird way, flirting can actually be GOOD for a long term relationship. Done right, it's a little like stopping by the gas station for some "passion fuel" and "self esteem oil."

    (Wow, that's the worst metaphor I have ever written.)

    2. That said, there is flirting and there's flirting:

    The kind of flirting that's good for a relationship is pretty light. I call it "appreciative" flirting. It's a quick glance or a funny double entendre. It's you or your partner PLAYING a little bit with their sexuality and their attractiveness to the opposite sex.

    The key is really in the intention: If you or your partner are flirting knowing full well that nothing is going to happen (and not actually WANTING anything to happen) it's really no big deal.

    If you are "hunting" or actually trying to seduce somebody?

    Well, that's a whole other ball game.

    The actual limits of what "acceptable" flirting is are going to vary wildly by relationship.

    Personally, I am a huge flirt (which is probably pretty obvious.)

    I have no problem at all commenting on how beautiful a female friend of mine looks, or sharing a moment of attraction and playful tension with a woman.

    My current girlfriend is not terribly bothered by this because . . .

    A. She knows 100% how I feel about her, how I lust after her, how much I enjoy her.

    B. I make it totally apparent that when I am "flirting" it is just a game and I am not actually trying to seduce a girl.

    C. She is secure enough to know that the fact that I am a man who other women want to in some way flirt with actually reflects REALLY well on her.

    The same goes the other way, by the way. When I catch another guy checking out my girlfriend, I do not freak out about it like a jealous beast . . . I just kind of smile because I know I have got a beautiful, sexy woman in my life and I know she is coming home with me.

    Not a big deal if you do not make it a big deal.

    Again, though, there is a big difference between playful flirting (or just "appreciating" someone) and actually trying to attract or seduce them and you need to talk to your partner about where that line is in your relationship.

    D. As for whether flirting is "cheating" I would say it's a pretty definitive "No." Is over-the-top-flirting-with-the-intention-of screwing-someone's-brains-out dangerous to a relationship?

    Sure. But "flirting" for fun and enjoying yourself is not cheating.

    And I will say this Caroline...If your current boyfriend cant handle other guys "flirting" with you. He will lose you, as simple as that.

    There is ways of "handling" guys who come on to strong to your woman. That does not mean "fights" and arguments. And there are ways to handle the "stressed out" boyfriend Caroline.

    If you really like your boyfriend Caroline and you like enjoying yourself. Then he is going to have to sort his attitude out.

    Let Me know how you get on.


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    • #3
      It's never good for relationship when a spouse cheats, but we must understand that flirting and looking is just about as bad as cheating! Have you flirted? Have you looked? These are learned behaviors brought on from our childhood and dating years. They are embedded within our mind, making us think it's perfectly acceptable to flirt and to look. But looking and flirting eventually lead up to sexual intercourse almost every single time, which is cheating from the heart.

      We have been taught a very good principle about flirting and looking. The Teacher of this great principle has taught us that to even look at another person with feelings of lust is cheating of the heart. Flirting is lustful thinking of the mind. If a married person has been conditioned into believing that flirting and looking is acceptable, eventually they will cave into sexual temptation and commit adultery not just from the heart but physically. The only real difference between the two is adultery of the heart is thoughts that have not been acted on yet.

      "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery,' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman/man lustfully has already committed adultery with her/him in his/her heart". (Matthew 5:27-28)

      Essentially flirting is cheating with your clothes on. Looking and flirting is lustful feelings of the heart and mind. Flirting and looking could be constituted as going past the barriers of temptation because it is lustful thoughts making up our attitude. In other words, what we believe in our heart becomes our frame of mind. It's all in our attitude and how we perceive the opposite sex or other people as sexual objects to use for our own selfish reasons.

      Women should let males be the protective and masculine people that God created them to be. When a woman/wife respects her man in this way she is essentially allowing him to be the man that God created him to be. A man should feel free to love his woman without feeling like a little boy or surpassed by his feminist wife who treats him with contempt. Make your man feel good about who he is so he will drink water from his own cistern.

      More importantly, let's not give way to the God-given positions and roles that God created for the male and female genders to partake in. What is your position has a husband? What responsibilities do you have or should you have? What is your position as a wife? What responsibilities do you have or should you have? Are you being responsible for the role God has blessed you with or are you rebelling against it?

      There will always be women and men who will flaunt themselves for the taking because of lack of self-respect and self-esteem, but that is not our problem, we need to stop falling for these kinds of traps and keep our marriage and relationships pure. Be the man and woman God created you to be - take charge of your life, be responsible and accountable to God and your spouse and above all respect all people as creations of God.

      "Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life..." (Ephesians 2:3-4)

      To remain faithful we need to shift our lustful thinking (disrespect) over to respect and honor of the opposite sex. Men ought to be preserving the sexual purity and honor of women. Wouldn't you want that for your own daughter? Be friends FIRST with the person you marry and do not let desire and lust be the focal point of your relationship. Learn to respect the person you're going to marry or are married to and you will be giving them the best kind of love there ever was.

      It doesn't matter how many times we promise our spouse that we won't cheat again, it will happen again if we consume our thoughts with lust and if we continue observing people as sexual objects to use and abuse for our own sexual desires and needs. We can come out of this needy frame of mind and grow away from this selfishness and into loving people if we choose to do so.

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      • #4
        In the 2003 motion picture, Anger Management, Jack Nicholson plays Dr. Buddy Rydell who is assigned to help Dave Buznik (Adam Sandler) control his anger. In one scene, Nicholson tries to tempt Sandler into hitting-on a girl at a bar. Sandler who already has a girlfriend responds with "Flirting is cheating's first cousin, Buddy!" But is it?

        What constitutes cheating?

        Is cheating kissing or sleeping with someone? What are the boundaries? And is cheating only physical or can there also be, "emotional cheating"?

        Take the quiz and then compare your answers with mine and my explanations and reasoning.

        IS IT CHEATING? YES or NO

        1. You French kiss a co-worker at an office party?

        2. You kiss the stripper at your bachelor party?

        3. You (the woman) kiss another woman?

        4. You watch adult movies on your own?

        5. You go out for dinner with someone who you know is interested in you?

        6. If you have phone sex?

        7. If you excessively use MySpace, talking to people of the opposite sex?

        8. If you have sex while on a break from a relationship?

        9. If you are in a casual but sexually exclusive relationship and you date other people but don't have sex?

        10. You secretly talk to your EX?

        11. You undress and put to bed your drunk friend?

        12. You hang out with a friend topless on beach?

        13. You go to a nude beach?

        14. You dirty dance with a friend or stranger - touching and grinding each other?

        For most people, the term cheating refers to being sexually unfaithful but the dictionary also defines cheating as deceiving someone. In a committed relationship, the definition of cheating needs to be clearly determined and defined by each partner, and acceptable to both. For example, some couples are OK with a partner flirting and even kissing someone else - of either sex. In some of the scenarios in the quiz above, it may not be a case of clear cheating but it might still be wrong and hurtful!

        Now let's explore each of the above questions in detail:

        1. You French kiss a co-worker at an office party?

        Yes, this is cheating - kissing is not just a physical act, it also creates an emotional response, particularly in women.

        2. You kiss the stripper at your bachelor party?

        The same applies here. Also, a bachelor party does not grant free license to do anything you want because you justify it as your last fling. Commitment begins when you commit to the other person, not just when you sign the marriage papers or move-in.

        3. You (the woman) kiss another woman?

        In my book, "What a woman wants!" (WOW Media)I explain that for most women, they will decide if they will sleep with you based on how you kiss. In other words, the kiss has great significance and meaning for a woman, so, yes, it is cheating.

        4. You watch adult movies on your own?

        Men will argue that sex is sex and it has no meaning for them beyond the physical feelings or attraction. However, repeated fantasizing about someone else, and repeated exposure to the adult movie world, creates false expectations of one's partner. In other words, the sexual fantasy can be just as damaging to the relationship as the real sexual act. Beware also of how often you are watching these movies. If it is on a regular basis and you are doing it instead of being with your partner - you may need help. Yes, it is cheating -if you do it on a regular basis.

        5. You go out for dinner with someone who you know is interested in you?

        It seems harmless and maybe your intentions are sincere but it can easily lead to cheating when you need a shoulder to cry-on, you are vulnerable or your partner has hurt you and you want to get him/her back. Remember, spending time with someone and doing things together leads to bonding and thus you are building a relationship - even if it is not at first, a romantic one. Also, if you know that the other person is seriously interested in you beware that you do not hurt the other person by leading them on. And guys: beware that if a woman wants you, she may use a variety of deceptive practices to win you over - even if you are taken!

        6. If you have phone sex?

        Yes, it is cheating. You are speaking with a real person even if you may have not met them and you are fantasizing and connecting with them - not your partner. You are giving that person energy and attention and taking it away from your partner.

        7. If you excessively use MySpace, talking to people of the opposite sex?

        Why do you need to spend so much time talking to other people online? What are you talking about? It is obvious that something is missing in your relationship. It may not begin as cheating but will most likely lead to physical cheating. Also, it is a form of emotional cheating.

        8. If you have sex while on a break from a relationship?

        Both of you must decide upfront what you expect from each other during the break and the purpose of the break/time apart. If one partner says to the other, "I want to" or "We need to see other people" then it is not cheating.

        9. If you are in a casual but sexually exclusive relationship and you date other people but don't have sex?

        If you both agree to this action, then it is fine, otherwise, yes, it is cheating. You are still looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right and seeking to establish the emotional connection first.

        10. You secretly talk to your EX?

        Yes, it is cheating because you are deceiving your partner.

        11. You undress and put to bed your drunk friend?

        It is not cheating as long as all you did is put your friend to bed - and you didn't climb in with her. (Most guys don't care about sleeping fully dressed, on the floor, when they are drunk, so this situation usually only applies to women!)

        12. You hang out with a friend topless on the beach?

        This is a cultural issue. In Europe, most women sunbathe topless. In America, being topless is a big issue - to women. It is not cheating, unless the both of you begin to drink and party together on the beach and she asks you to rub suntan lotion on her chest...and you oblige!

        13. You go to a nude beach?

        Most guys don't go to a nude beach - except to watch women naked, so yes, for men, the intention is cheating. In other words, it would be a rare sight to see a group of straight guys naked at a nude beach, just hanging around having a beer or two, and throwing the Frisbee to each other!

        14. You dirty dance with a friend or stranger - touching and grinding each other?

        Women express themselves via body language more than men do. Thus, dancing can be a real turn-on for women, particularly when the dancing becomes sexual, so yes, it is cheating. If you are still not sure, ask yourself, "Would you dirty dance with your mother or mother-in-law?"

        The final word

        Yes, there is sexual and emotional cheating and either one can be hurtful. There are five core emotions that drive our behavior: love, hate, fear, lust and pleasure. In other words, we will at one time or another be tempted to do something based on the above emotions such as express physical anger or hatred or, respond to feelings of lust. And if we gave into every feeling or impulse we were to have, anarchy would rule the world. Decide clearly if you want to be in a relationship with this person or not. If not, walk away. Don't do things that are selfish and extremely hurtful to the other person. You always have the power to say, "No." Discuss with your partner what is missing in the relationship rather than look outside to fulfill it. Finally, a committed relationship is about love, honor, respect, honesty and trust. Anything that you do that goes against that type of commitment can be defined as cheating!

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        • #5

          Thank you guys for the helpful advice, I appreciate all of you.

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