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What's the Best Way to Teach a Cheater a Lesson?

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  • What's the Best Way to Teach a Cheater a Lesson?

    I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me and I'm FURIOUS. What's the best way to teach a CHEATER a lesson? I really want him to pay for what he did to me!

  • #2
    Hi Stella,

    Don't bother - revenge is stupid and won't make you feel better anyway.

    And now here's the longer version:

    I totally understand where you're coming from and the RAGE that you feel right now.

    I don't show it much and I work really hard to keep it under control, but I've got a temper myself when someone really upsets me.

    (It doesn't bother me if somebody insults or wrongs me, but if they go after a friend or someone I love I can be a total hard.)

    So part of me wants to get all clever here . . .

    You could strap him down and tattoo "CHEATER" on his penis so he could never be with a woman again without here knowing what a scum bag he is .

    You could create an elaborate scheme where you make him think he's won the lottery so he quits his job and tells off his boss only to discover that you've actually hoovered every penny he has out of his bank account and he's now a homeless bum . . .

    You could sleep with his best friend and get it all on tape so he knows how this betrayal FEELS.

    (I know a woman who did that, actually. Worst part: Her boyfriend wasn't even cheating on her. Egg on her face, huh?)

    But you know what I really think you should do?

    Nothing.

    I mean, you shouldn't just stand there and let him walk all over you.

    If you had an agreement that the two of you were going to be monogamous and he broke it, you are right to act on that information.

    If it was an ongoing affair or if he cheated multiple times with multiple people you'll probably want to leave him.

    If it was a one time "act of passion" you'll want to think about whether or not you can ever trust him again and make your decision from there.

    But here's the thing . . .

    If you let yourself get consumed by a need for REVENGE or even a need for him to sincerely apologize you're actually giving him POWER over you that he doesn't deserve.

    You're saying to him (and to the entire world) "My happiness is dependent on YOUR actions and YOUR feeling bad about what you did."

    But you have absolutely no control over this guy and even less control over how he feels.

    Which means you'll never be happy.

    That doesn't mean you have to condone what they did.

    That doesn't mean you forget what they did.

    But it does mean that you let go of a need for revenge or a need for an apology and focus on the only thing you can actually control here:

    Your own life and your own reactions.

    Not the answer you were looking for, I know.

    Revenge serves no one Carol and in the long run, althought the sense of betrayal hurts and you are full of anger and hurt.

    Forgiving him and yes yourself, because there will be a lot guilt feelings amongst all those hot and boiling emotions.

    Will help you move on and heal for yourself a lot quicker then if you hold onto that anger and a sense of betrayal and wanting revenge.

    Because holding onto to those feelings will screw you up far more than anything he did.


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    • #3
      "We have always been involved in spiritual evolution. We are spiritual beings, we have always been spiritual beings and we will always be spiritual beings." - Gary Zukav

      Gary Zukav, author, Seat of the Soul, writes that all occurrences in life are spiritual opportunities and lessons for our souls to evolve and grow. It does not matter how "right" or "wrong;" "fair" or "unfair;" or "good" or "evil" the events are; they've all been scripted to provide the souls experiencing them a lesson which, when grasped, allows them to advance to a higher level of knowledge. Others would agree with these sentiments, echoing the popular phrase, "We aren't human beings having spiritual experiences. We're spiritual beings enjoying human experiences."

      Within this philosophy, any opportunity to experience pain and/or conflict, especially as pertains to our relationships with other people, are among the richest learning experiences we can enjoy during our human experience (lifetime). What other type of education than relationships - especially romantic love relationships - provides us with intense, emotional experiences, which, when coupled with growth, allow us to fully evolve to a higher level of open loving consciousness and understanding?

      If you're dealing with infidelity in this present moment, we understand this may be the last thing you want to hear, regardless of whether you are the cheater or the cheated on. However, we urge you to keep an open mind. The only way some lessons are learned and forever applied are through the experience of terrifyingly painful events which knock you down unexpectedly and force you to explore the best solution.

      Think of painful events you've survived in the past: perhaps the death of a loved one, the loss of a job or experience of a traumatic, violent event. If has any of these things have occurred, reflect on the healing process. Did you not eventually find a method to help you work through the painful obstacle and become a more spiritually and emotionally evolved person in the process?

      The answer is "yes, of course" you have, and despite the unpleasant circumstances, you are now more than likely grateful to have made it through. Apply the same attitude to the infidelity; this painful, aching betrayal will also serve to be a lesson of spiritual and emotional transformation, one that will, if studied appropriately, guide you to learn more about yourself; who you are, who you aren't and what talents you gift others with while in their lives.

      Also, remember that, as hard as it sounds, all relationships have their expiration dates. Some truly are meant to last a lifetime, but most are meant for a limited season (seconds to decades), ending when the spiritual lesson you were specifically lead to teach or learn within the relationship has been fully mastered.

      Embrace the infidelity - whether sexual or emotional, whether yours or your partner's - with complete emotional acceptance of the event. Embrace every aspect of it in its entirety and accept its reality. Dedicate yourself to the process of accepting and making peace with the betrayal, polishing away the rough external edges until you're left with the underlying gift: the sparkling endowment of increased spiritual growth, strength and wisdom that comes from passing through the storm. As they say, pressure makes diamonds.

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      • #4

        I feel a great relief in my spirit, thank you all for the advice.

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