Mixed signals, am I being strung along and used? I dont know what to do.

[AxelBlake]

I have had a crush on a girl for a long time and I felt like she liked me back. We have hung out quite a few times alone, flirted a bit and she has implied she is attracted to me through body language and compliments. I decided to ask her out and she said yes at first but then she said her life is a mess and said she will feel like she is betraying some people if she did. She told me it isn't because she doesn't want to but because of some problems she has. She didn't say no but she didn't say yes fully. She says we are friends and won't let me move on. She says she needs me and loves talking to me and spending time with me but she doesn't want to be with me? She also likes to control my appearance eventhough we are barely friends and we aren't together. At times she will reply to my texts in seconds and other in hours. She flirts with other guys a lot to but doesn't like it when I talk to other girls. I told her if she wants me to, I can avoid her but she said god no. But yet we dont talk in person much anymore but she still considers us as friends when I do not. She wanted to take a pic with me during prom but we didn't talk at all during prom and she kept looking over towards me. I know for a fact she sometimes ignore my texts for a couple hours but she gets frustrated when I do the same (only do it because she does xD). She has told me I am good looking and appealing but it is her usual acting hot and cold. I confronted her that she is stringing me along and she said she felt bad. She told me to give her time and wait, and she will see. I am just guessing she is using me as a back up . I dont know what to do. Help pls.

[Nicolas]

I am just guessing she is using me as a back up .

Your guess is right. She is simply using you as a backup.

The fact is that she probably has a boyfriend at the moment, and wants to keep you around just in case something goes wrong with her present relationship.

I suggest you move on and get another girl. She isn't worth you.

[Nate]

Men are very different from women; that's why dating tips for men will differ from those for women and vice versa.

But there's one particular difference I'd like to talk to you about, so sit back, relax and... enjoy!

See, guys will sleep with pretty much any woman, that will come on to them. That's just a fact.

We're wired that way, and there's not a lot that will stop that in its tracks. If a lady is hot and we're attracted to her, and if she's willing to go to bed with us, unless there's a big or obvious reason not to, we're going to go for it.

Women, on the other hand, will not sleep with just anyone. I mean, you can be hot, you can be confident, you can be all a woman wants, but if you're in that friend zone, there will be no bedroom action, for you.

She just won't be able to see past the fact that you're her friend. She won't see the potential for something else.

How to stay out of the friend zone.

So, how do you make sure that you don't get yourself into the friend zone? This is one of the most important dating tips you can give and it's actually very easy, so let me take a moment to talk to you about it.

See, a relationship between a girl and a guy is made or broken based on the very first few minutes they spend together.

It's a very crucial time and when you first meet that girl, when you first talk, because that's when the direction for the relationship is going to be determined. Once that has been set into place, it can be difficult or frustrating to try, and change it at all.

If, from that very first meeting, you establish that she's attractive to you in a sexual way, chances of you ending up as a friend are slim to none.

I mean, no woman wants to have a friend who's going to constantly want her, right? It's a boyfriend's job.

A friend is there to have friendly conversations, to hang out with, confide to and have fun together.

A woman wants a male friend that she feels is like her brother, in a lot of cases, or at least one who wouldn't consider sleeping with her.

A sexual partner, someone a woman will sleep with, is someone totally different from a friend and a brother figure.

This is obvious enough, but you want to make sure you know where the lines are, and you can read how she's treating you and thinking of you as the two of you interact.

Rev it up, let her know.

So, from the very first time you meet, make sure you establish that sexual tension between the two of you.

It has to be clear to her, though you don't have to come out and say something too obvious. She needs to know that you're serious about being attracted to her and not into the whole friend thing, when it comes to her.

Don't come out and say "I don't want to be your friend" outright. She will probably find that rude and it could sabotage your chances.

You want to be more subtle.

You want to make sure she knows that you find her attractive, but also that you think the two of you have chemistry. No dating tips will help you if you don't have the spark.

You can talk about how you're feeling something between you, maybe, but don't say the word friend in relation to yourself. Keep that word out of it as best as you can.

Then, when that's done, you have to make sure that, no matter what happens, if she starts talking about her past boyfriends, her sex life or anything else she'd talk about with a friend, you have to do everything you can to let her know that you're not happy with continuing that conversation.

I am not saying you have to be mean or rude in any way. And you don't want to act insecure, like you are threatened by her past boyfriends or whatever else.

Insecurity is not attractive to her. She might not even put you in friend zone if she catches you acting insecure, which is the worst possible scenario.

The whole thing would be basically be over.

Reign back friendship talk.

If she does talk about things that are headed toward the friend zone, don't encourage it, and give the shortest possible responses while breaking eye contact at the same time.

This might be one of the less popular dating tips for many guys, but you have to act like a boyfriend would if he found out that his girl was sleeping with someone else. But again, don't act like you're threatened by this.

Just make sure she understands that you're unhappy with the thread of conversation. Show her by your body language that you don't appreciate it.

Shift the conversation somewhere else whenever you can.

Take control.

This is another way to show her that you don't want to discuss this stuff and to show that you're dominant, which women love. You want to be as attractive as possible to her.

When you show her that you're not going to be talking about past boyfriends and what have you, by changing the subject and by how you act, you'll let her know that you're not interested in just being friends.

You'll tell her that you see her as a sexual being and the friend zone is not for you.

There won't be any confusion and she will see that there isn't an option to put you in the friend zone in the first place. You want to head it off before it can begin to happen.

Make your message clear.

Dating tips will do you no good if you're vague in how you communicate with her. Now, again, it's very important that you make sure you don't offend her at this point. You shouldn't ignore her when she's trying to confide in you, but you should make sure you give her a clear message that you are sexually attracted to her.

You're still going to listen to her and treat her with the respect she deserves, as well as make her feel good, but you are not about to sit there and be given less than you want.

Stay away from topics that could put her in the friend zone too. Absolutely do not talk about your past relationships. You don't want to hear about hers, she doesn't want to hear about yours - not if she's interested in you sexually or romantically.

Follow this advice and you will be able to steer clear of the friend zone and make sure you never end up there. It's pretty simple, so just gauge the situation and go from there.

Now, there's one more thing I'd like to mention to you before we part.

It is possible to get out of the friend zone when you're in it, so don't lose hope. It'll take time and effort, but it's doable.

I'll talk to you about how to get yourself out of the friend zone and back into where you want to be some other time. For now you just need to keep in mind that if you're just friends with a girl you really like, there's still a way to make this work. Don't lose hope and give in.

It is easier, however, if you don't end up there so use the dating tips I shared with you and... steer clear!

[Scot]

Let's give you some basics on what women are looking for with men that ought to give you a bit to think about and start focusing on developing in yourself. These are the qualities that the men women go for - both the jerks, and the very suave, charming guys with good hearts, like you aim to be (hopefully you don't want to be a jerk!) - possess:

• Challenge. Just like no guy wants a girl who's too "easy to get", nor does a girl want a guy who's too easy to get, either. Men who are a little challenging are attractive to women. If a girl asks two guys if they like her, the guy who answers, "I sure do!" with eagerness is going to seem a lot less appealing than the guy who answers, "Maybe..." with a sly smile and a mysterious tone. A big part of being successful with women is finding the right balance, and this is the same - you don't want to be so much of a challenge that a girl gives up, but you also don't want to be so easy that she loses interest. Give her a little light teasing, and don't be afraid to challenge a bit. She won't run away; in fact, she's much more likely to run after you than away from you.
• Leadership. One of the qualities women respond very well to in men that most guys who end up frequently in the friend zone haven't developed is leadership. For meeting and succeeding with girls, we'll define leadership as giving commands to women and having them followed, as well as inspiring women to do more for you. Most nice guys give much, but don't ask for anything in return. Both jerks and confident guys with good hearts, though, tend to demand at least as much from women as they give in return. If this is uncharted territory for you, start out with small commands, and build up. Telling women things like, "Sit with me," or, "Tell me a little about your day," are some easy ways to start building leadership with women. You can still do for girls, but make sure they're doing at least as much for you too. If they ask you to help with something, ask them to cook you a meal or bring you some food.
• Risqué. Another big difference between friendly guys and sexy guys is edge. Friendly guys tend to shy away from anything dangerous, sexual, or edgy, because they're afraid of scaring women off. And in fact, you will scare some women off as you make yourself a little edgier - but the women who stay are far more likely to be a lot warmer to and interested in you than the women who hang around being friends with nice guys. Gradually ramp up the edge factor in your dealings with women. Nice guys who are just friends are safe and harmless. Jerks, bad boys, and suave James Bond types are not. Add a little edge to your personality - study how sexy men use nonverbal communication (I recommend Sean Connery's and Pierce Brosnan's James Bond characters, and Ryan Reynolds in Van Wilder for this), and add some implied sexual humor without being overly obvious (again, check out Ryan Reynolds in Van Wilder - he's great at flying just under the radar with it).
• Urgency. Men who get girls also have one other distinguishing characteristic - they move fast, and they work to get women moving around with them, going home with them, and in bed with them. Men who move too slow and wait around get slotted firmly into "just a friend" territory. If you want to stay out of the friend zone, you absolutely, positively, must invite girls to move around with you, sit with you, go out with you, go home with you. And you must make a move, sooner or later (the sooner the better). Women tend to have only a certain window of time they're open and available to any one man, and if the man takes too long, that window closes and is now shut to him. If you've ever had a girl who seemed to really like you, but you didn't do anything and her interest in you disappeared, you've experienced what I'm talking about. Keep that in mind the next time you're about to hesitate - fortune really does favor the bold, particularly with women.
• Persistence. Sister to urgency, persistence is another vital trait of men who do well with women. It's both a sign of confidence and a sign to a girl that you really do like her and aren't just wasting her time, and it's just generally an important quality for succeeding and getting the things you want in life in general. Have you ever had someone ask you to do something, and you said, "No, no, no... I'll just stay here," but you really wanted them, in fact, to ask you a few more times and just get you to go with them? Women, believe it or not, do this a lot; many girls think that if they resist a little bit, it makes them look much better and far more feminine. Unfortunately, a lot of guys don't realize this, and give up after one "no", which is tragic; the girl is often left sitting there thinking, "What? I thought he was going to ask me again... I didn't really mean I didn't want to go!" You may have even had this happen before - you might've asked a girl to go somewhere with you, perhaps, and she said, "No, I can't, I'm just too tired," and you gave up, but had you persisted and asked a few more times, she would have said yes and accompanied you and the two of you might have ended up together or become boyfriend-girlfriend or who knows. Most of the women you will get together with will say "no" the first time you ask them to do something - you must be at least a little persistent. Asking once is rarely enough!

If you start working to possess these qualities, I guarantee you will begin having less women slotting you into the friend zone, and more women slotting you into the "potential boyfriend / lover" zone. These are the qualities of a strong, attractive man, and they're qualities that are not natural, but rather developed. Men who have them can lose them, following a string of bad luck; and men who don't have them can gain them, following a little hard work and an idea of where they want to get to.

Homework

If you've come this far, the next step is to start making some changes. So let's get to it! Here's a few important items I'd like to see you start off with:

• Start being a challenge. You can begin with a few simple ways of challenging women more, like asking questions in response to their questions (e.g., a girl asks you how old you are, and you ask back, "What do you think? Take a guess") or using a little light teasing (e.g., a girl tells you she's studying to be a doctor, and you can say something silly like, "I guess you must like cutting people"). Don't overdo the teasing though, or she can start feeling like you don't take her seriously. Seek to find balance between giving her a little bit of a hard time, and showing genuine interest in her.
• Start giving some simple commands. Get girls moving around with you. Have them come sit with you to talk. Ask them for little things like a sip from their drink or to borrow their pen. Take anything you might normally ask, and turn it into a command; instead of saying, "Can I get your number?" say, "Here, let me grab your number."

Get these down and you'll be well on your way to being a suave, charming guy women have a hard time resisting - and before you know it, the phrase "just a friend" will be something you only remember with a slight smile and a hint of a laugh.