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MillionaireMatch

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  • Need advice on odd situation


    First off, I am new to posting here so I would like to say hello in advance to anyone on these forums. I have posted part of this question in another forum so if it looks familiar it probably is, but there is more to it.

    Back story - I am a straight male, and I have known this girl for the past 3+ years. She is a lesbian and has been since high school, and was in a relationship with the same girl for as long as I've known her. We became friends. Absolute best friends. We have so much in common.. weird, awkward, nerdy.. which I believe is why we have just clicked so well from the very beginning. We share similar views on most subjects and have helped each other emotionally many many times throughout the years. We have always been close, but always in a respectful and plutonic way and nothing more. I never thought there was any attraction from her.. and although she is a beautiful girl, I never saw her in that way either. Her relationship came to an end a while back, and I found myself spending more time with her to comfort her. She was heartbroken and didn't know what to do so she seemed to want me around as much as possible, the only person that she knows she can count on. I loved doing this for her, because I care so much for her as a friend and never want to see her upset.

    One night we were sitting around after a few too many drinks. We had a very long talk, deep conversation, and then just started having a goo time and laughing. All the sudden she pulled me to her and started kissing me very passionately. I was very surprised.. I asked her more than once if she was sure about this, at which point she led me to the bedroom and we slept together. Afterwards, we talked and she said she didn't know how it happened but told me how much she enjoyed it. Later that night she called a friend and I overheard her telling her how happy she was that it happened. The next day, however, things changed. She was very standoffish so I took that as a hint to leave, knowing that it bothered her. She was very distant for a week or two.. we have always text and talked multiple times daily and I stopped getting replies after this. We finally talked and she explained how confused she was about everything that happened and needed some time to straighten her head out. I knew she had to be very confused, because she very proudly identifies as a completely gay woman. I gave her the time and space because the last thing I wanted was to make things more difficult for her after the breakup and her being in the middle of moving to a new place, a very difficult time for her.

    During that time I found myself thinking about her constantly and that I had feelings for her, but couldn't tell her out of fear of completely ruining our friendship or confuse her even more. I just wrote it off and some weird thing and We went back to talking like nothing ever happened. She didn't seem to want to talk about it so no matter how I felt I kept it to myself, but we were back to the way we used to be as friends. And then it happened again, I went over to hang out and watch movies where it ended up with her coming onto me and sleeping together but without being intoxicated.. multiple times.. for the next two days. In that time she opened up to tell me that she had feelings for me, and wanted us to be together, and shared many of her deep thoughts with me. But again, she got distant out of nowhere, telling me that we needed time to figure things out. Now I am the one confused. We still talk and hang out but I don't know how to act this time. I don't want to push on the subject but every time I bring it up she gets quiet again. I don't want to lose this close friendship that we have had for so long, but why would she tell me all of those things one day and go back into her turtle shell the next? Is she still battling with the lesbian label and confused, or is she keeping me close for emotional, and sometimes physical support? Do you think that she will use the time by herself to figure it out as she said she would do, or was that just an easy way of telling me to leave? It's really hard to be just friends after hearing all of that and I am at a loss of what to do, so any input good or bad is very much appreciated. I know this post is much longer than I expected and is a very odd story, but I just need advice or suggestions. Thank you in advance!

  • #2
    Hi,

    After taking time to read your story with this girl, I'll say that she had this feelings for you long ago but never knew how to tell you.

    You are simply confused now because she is giving you mixed signal. She claims she has feelings for you this moment, and the next moment she acts otherwise.

    The truth is that she is equally confused, because she is finding it difficult to be with a MAN since she has always been a lesbian.

    Now, what you should do is to make her trust you. Don't push her too much but let her know you really have feelings for her.

    At the moment, she feels she is the only one expressing her feelings, so make sure you express yours to he as well.

    I wish you good luck.

    Comment


    • #3
      Great story,

      This is a situation of transition from friends to lover.

      However, the situation that led to you two becoming lover is something to question.

      The fact is that, you two wouldn't have anything to do with each other sexually if she didn't breakup with her past lover.

      So, I think she might be using you as a rebound. Yes, she might be doing this with you just to get over the pain of the breakup, and when she gets another lover she dumps you.

      My candid advice to you is not to get too emotional, and don't invest too much of yourself into this. If you do, you will be heartbroken at the end.

      Lesbian / gay don't easily change and start having feelings for the opposite sex. If hers was a sudden change, then she is using you as a rebound.

      This is what you should do; let her be the one to chase you.

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      • #4
        Two week update, she has now distanced herself to the point of very little communication and for no reason that I can think of. I hadn't pushed, I hadn't been bombarding her, and when I did talk I kept it light and bare minimum to give her that space. I wonder now if she actually was in love with me or not as she said she was. I can't fathom someone going this long without even giving a hint of importance to someone after they bare their sole as she did, and I did to her as well. Maybe she hasn't had enough time. Maybe I just got too involved and held that hope that something good would happen. Maybe I approached everything wrong. Maybe something happened or changed in this time. I just don't know. I still care for her immensely and think about her constantly, but part of me thinks I will never know what she is thinking.

        Comment


        • #5

          Originally posted by QynnHaley View Post
          Two week update, she has now distanced herself to the point of very little communication and for no reason that I can think of. I hadn't pushed, I hadn't been bombarding her, and when I did talk I kept it light and bare minimum to give her that space. I wonder now if she actually was in love with me or not as she said she was. I can't fathom someone going this long without even giving a hint of importance to someone after they bare their sole as she did, and I did to her as well. Maybe she hasn't had enough time. Maybe I just got too involved and held that hope that something good would happen. Maybe I approached everything wrong. Maybe something happened or changed in this time. I just don't know. I still care for her immensely and think about her constantly, but part of me thinks I will never know what she is thinking.
          Cut off contact. This is the most difficult and yet the most important step in winning your ex girlfriend back. For one thing, no one who's truly in love thinks with the right frame of mind after getting dumped. You need time to normalize your emotions and you can't achieve this unless you completely cut off contact with your ex.

          Additionally, this will also give your ex some time to reflect on the breakup and you'll be giving her a much needed space as well. No woman likes a clingy and needy man, make sure you remember that.


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