How do you know it's the right time to settle down?

[reallyinlove40]

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about a year now… we’re in a long distance relationship. We’ve met when I visited her in Bangkok, Thailand and things have been going really well between us. The distance has been weighing on us and it’s obviously frustrating. We’ve been talking about what it would be like living together and surprisingly have been fun talking and thinking about it too… so now, I’ve been wondering.


Maybe it’s time that we think about settling down. But, maybe it’s because of the distance frustrating me that is making me think about these… so now, I’d like to ask, how do you know that it’s the right time to settle down? How do you know that it’s about time to think of marrying and starting a family? I am financially stable and I’m confident that I can support her as well. Although, having kids would be for a latter time.


But anyway, I really need advice… it is smart for me to think of popping the question?

[Judith]

We spend time, money and spirit on planning a wedding.. It's time to plan for a successful and healthy relationship by preparing and getting to know ourselves, the person we are marrying and who we will be as a couple for the rest of our lives.

For You

1. Ask several people, who you are close with, about how they felt when they were about to get married
2. Go to dinner on your own...and don't bring a book
3. Write your own eulogy.
4. Do something you never thought you would do
5. Write down 10 lessons that you've learned in life so far
6. Make a vision board of how you see your life in 5 yrs and 10yrs
7. Rekindle a relationship that meant something to you
8. Travel to another country on your own
9. Go on a trip with your friends
10. Figure out your boundaries limits and deal breakers
11. Decide your what your definition of marriage is (forever or until it doesn't work)
12. Figure out what will change for you once you get married (your name, where you live
13. Decide what marriage is to you (a religious stage or legal status)
14. Spend time with your partners family and friends with out them
15. Make time for yourself and to spend time with your friends
16. Get in shape
17. Eat well if you don't already
18. Stay in bed all day and night reading, watching tv or what ever you like to do in bed
19. Go over health insurance, legal papers and will
20. Pay off as much debt as you can
21. Come to terms with what you feel about alcohol, drugs and smoking
22. Consider not marrying this person and see how it feels
23. Do a wine tasting
24. Attend at least 5 seminars, workshops or classes about love, sex, relationships, marriage or all of the above
25. Join a sports team or do yoga
26. Spend one whole day pampering yourself
27. Take an art class
28. Find your passion
29. Masturbate until orgasm
30. Watch porn or go to a strip club
31. Commit to improving something about yourself every day
32. Ask your friends and family how they feel about who you decided to marry
33. Make a commitment to be true to who you are
34. Wake up every day and say "love _____ and I love my life"

For your partner

1. Give them the last bite of a great dessert
2. Listen more than you speak
3. Reiterate what he/she tells you in your own words to make sure you understood what they meant
4. Accentuate their positive qualities
5. Talk about things you know they're interested in
6. Ask them how their day was
7. Greet them with a smile and a kiss
8. Ask you're in-laws permission to marry their son/daughter
9. Remind your partner daily about all their positive attributes
10. Take care to look in your partners eyes when they are talking to you
11. Commit to doing whatever it takes to please your partner sexually
12. Always take your partners opinion into consideration
13. Ask your partner what he/she would like to do before the marriage and help him/her do it
14. Steal moments
15. Plan a romantic date
16. Plan an adventurous date
17. Tell your partner about any health issues you may have
18. Ask your partner about the things that trigger anger in them
19. Decide to never disrespect your partner (especially in front of others)
20. Realize that there are just some things your partner does that you won't understand
21. Ask your partner to share a meaningful childhood experience with you
22. Ask your partner to share a scary experience from childhood with you
23. Balance humility with confidence
24. Have phone sex
25. Talk dirty in bed
26. Whisper in their ear how lucky you are to have them in your life while out with friends/family
27. Whisper in their ear, in public how sexy they look and what you're going to do to them when you get home
28. Talk to their friend when they are upset or need a shoulder to cry on
29. Confide in your partner about important decisions
30. Help them accomplish something they never thought they could
31. Learn how to cook their favorite meal
32. Get them to try something they never thought they would
33. Make yourself available when they are upset (no matter what)
34. Surprise them with a gift or flowers for no reason
35. Do that thing you promised you would do, but haven't got to.

For your relationship

1. Learn how to argue so it helps your relationship, not hurts it
2. Accept each other even for things you don't agree on
3. Support one another's ideas even if they sound outlandish
4. Reveal any secrets, debts or skeletons you may be keeping from your partner
5. List 20 reasons why you are want to marry this person
6. Spend a week with no communication with your partner
7. Share your boundaries, limits and deal breakers
8. Learn Tantra
9. Discuss your biggest fears with your partner
10. Decide together how you both define intimacy

11. Go on a road trip together
12. Plan on spending time each day to do something for your marriage
13. Work with a coach or therapist for several months
14. Make it a tradition to give each other massages at least twice a week
15. Decide when you want to have children
16. Decide how many children you would like to have
17. Decide how you are planning to discipline the children
18. Decide how and when you will introduce sexuality to your children
19. Learn how to fight fair
20. Discuss terms of socializing
21. Discuss what you need from your partner when your feeling angry or frustrated
22. Discuss what you need from your partner when your feeling sad
23. Write your own vows
24. Get a joint bank account
25. Share sexual fantasies
26. Make one of those fantasies come true or at least role play one
27. Make sure you agree on how and where the wedding will take place
28. Embark on a difficult project together
29. Decide on items that you are willing to sacrifice (if you don't already live together)
30. Make amends with anyone in each others family that you might not get along with
31. Save at least enough money as it takes to pay for a baby and put a down payment on a house
32. Ask an ex how they think you could be a better partner
33. Ask your partner what you could do to make them happier
34. Be who you are and say how you feel
35. Realize that the only way your marriage will last is if you live by this rule: Don't try to change your partner, just focus on making them happy!

[Starwas]

Well, this might be cliche but, when you want to settle down, you can defiinitely feel it. First, you might want to ask yourself, if you can see your future with her, 5 to 10 years from now? If yes, then, go for it!