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I need tips on handling arguments with my online girlfriend

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MillionaireMatch

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  • I need tips on handling arguments with my online girlfriend


    This is the first time I’ve experienced being in a long distance relationship. I met my girlfriend online through A Foreign Affair a few months ago. We’re at the stage where misunderstandings tend to happen a lot because of how things are going on between us.


    She’s currently shifting between jobs which causing her to be on edge. I’m also going through some personal issues of my own. Our schedules tend to conflict, and this causes a rift in our communication. We go through arguments over conversations we misunderstood.


    I’m having difficulty keeping a level head on everything.


    The distance is making our relationship a million times harder which is why I need some tips and advice on how to handle this type of situation. It’s really hard settling disputes and arguments over chat and messages.


    I’m honestly not great at handling problems. My girlfriend and I both know that we love each other and really want to make this work. Any advice and tips will really help me out a lot. I don’t want our relationship to end just because we couldn’t deal with each other and the distance. I need help please!!

  • #2
    I think without having more information on the types of problems you're having it's very difficult to give you advice.

    Some generic advice I can give is to be self aware and to realize when you are letting your emotions control you rather than responding to a situation rationally. When you feel that is happening excuse yourself from the conversation to collect yourself, then pick things back up in a productive manner when you are under control again. Discuss with her beforehand that you are attempting this method to be aware of your own flaws and to take accountability for your excess of emotions, and ask her if she is willing to do the same thing. It may end up taking you days to sort through an issue, but it will prevent you from saying damaging things that you do not mean in the heat of the moment, and forces you to slow down and look at your own words and actions.

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    • #3
      If your girlfriend has suddenly dropped out of sight and you haven't heard a word from her, think back to the last time the two of you did talk. Chances are very good that you both left things on difficult terms. Sometimes an argument can get so out of hand that one person storms out and if two strong personalities are involved, each may decide to wait for the other to make the first post conflict move. Your girlfriend may simply be simmering down from the verbal sparring match you two had. If that's the case my best suggestion is to wait at least a few days for her to sort through her feelings. Trying to get her to talk before she's ready will probably just cause more friction and misunderstanding and you'll be right back to where you started with her ignoring you.

      If her silence has been more of a gradual thing, that needs to be handled in quite a different way. When a woman pulls back slowly from the man she's involved with it's because she feels there's an emotional distance there. Just as some men don't want to deal with the emotional ramifications of a confrontation about what's missing from the relationship or what's wrong with the connection, women don't enjoy that either. Your girlfriend may feel that by slipping into the ether she'll be saving you from the heartbreak you surely would feel if she boldly told you that she's just not that into you anymore. You may view this as a cowardly way to end a relationship but if you're an emotional guy it may be that she sees it as her only way to get out emotionally unscathed.

      In any case, you can't just allow the woman you love to disappear without at least trying to understand her reasoning. Don't make the mistake of approaching her with the attitude that you had no idea she wasn't happy or satisfied. Her silence is indication enough that she's not getting what she needs from you anymore. Tell her that you know that she's not feeling the way she used to and you just want to understand. Don't get defensive and don't try to explain anything at this time. This is her opportunity to share what she is experiencing and what she feels is lacking. If you handle this conversation from a place of understanding and compassion, she'll see that you really do want to hear what she has to say and you want to learn from it.

      Reacting negatively when your girlfriend stops talking to you is the quickest route towards a painful break up with her. This is the woman you adore so show her that's what you feel. If you reach out to her and give her the support she needs to be honest with you about what she's currently feeling, she'll open up and the deafening silence will be replaced with honest and understanding.

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      • #4
        I believe you just have to state how you feel in a way that puts no blame on either of you. If you can't, then state how you feel exactly as you would if you were face-to-face.

        If there's a misunderstanding, ask for clarification on the subject that was misunderstood.

        With any argument you should have your disagreement, make up and then leave it alone. Nothing is to be gained from harking back to a previous disagreement to make a point. It just makes you look petty and your partner will live in fear that if they ever bring up anything again it might be used against them. Closure on arguments is important because if you don’t achieve it you’ll never let the issue lie!

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