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  • Expectations?

    Just looking for someone else advice on a subject as I have no one close to to really discuss this with as I wish to keep my relationship problems out of my social and family circle. It might be a long one so buckle up.

    My girlfriend has just gone on holiday with 2 of her Uni friends and there respective boyfriends (all of whom I really like) but I skyped her the other day to ask how she was getting on and it was a nice conversation until she said, 'okay I'll just go back to being the fifth wheel then'. Considering we are all from the UK and they have somehow decided to spend just over a thousand pounds each to go to Canada I thought I was completely in my right (at the time of deciding whether I was going to commit to going) to say I can't afford to spend over a thousand pounds on a holiday with your uni friends and there boyfriends, I'd be more tempted if it was just with her. We live a 4 hour train journey in the UK and only see each other at the weekends at the best of times. Now somehow I am being made to feel guilty for not committing a thousand pounds on a holiday which I am not necessarily keen to go on anyway, but this is nothing to do with her friends or there boyfriends, if I don't see her very often anyway I'd prefer to get quality time together.

    I talk about quality time and she says that she wants quality time with her friends and her family just as much as me, doesn't make me feel too good to be honest but I understand her point of not seeing her family as they live in separate area's of the country too, all of her family I really enjoy spending time with too. But I feel like I can no longer say that I want to spend quality time with her because she often comes back with- it is quality time together if other people are around, I completely disagree on this.

    The truth is she does whatever she wants and I love her so much that I will follow her but there is often no middle ground, I really want to spend any time with her and the only choice I seem to have on some occasions is to just go along with whatever she does, but she also comments that I don't have to do any of this stuff (but if I didn't I would get a comment further down the line when she realises she wishes I was there that we will never get any time together if I can't commit to these weekends/week long holidays with her family and friends) I am torn and I feel like my head is going crazy trying to work out whether I am in the right or not. With Christmas coming up as well there is nothing more I want than to be with her. The first Christmas we spent together was for a week solid at her parents house with all of her sisters and one boyfriend (we stayed longer than any of the other couples) during this time I did have a moment where I was exhausted and had to step out of the stressful social situation (trying to have a good Christmas and trying to get to know all of her family etc etc...) and this moment has been the only thing that has been mentioned about that Christmas, no mention of how difficult it was for me, this moment caused her to cry too. The second Christmas we had an argument over where we were spending it and there was no middle ground, she just said she was going to her families again, I was welcome but I couldn't do it to my family 2 years in a row, so we stayed apart. We have the same situation every Christmas and now another Christmas is upon us and she has just told me she is going to her parents again- that's it, she wants to see her family and I was welcome. I completely understand this as she doesn't see her family regularly- but I am now in the position of not seeing her regularly anyway and whenever these conversations come up I pretty much realise I have got to go with whatever she wants to maintain the relationship for both of us while she just does whatever she wants to get what she wants.

    What I am saying is she pretty much does whatever she wants and just expects me to go along with it all, if I do I am forced to have fun and at any moment she can say- clearly you don't enjoy this (which isn't true- I just miss spending quality time with her) it is then expected the next time and if I don't I am questioned and held over the coals.

    I've no clue what I meant to do to make her see sense because the only way is to sometimes raise my voice, she is a very clever girl and I often find myself in emotional turmoil over this stuff as I want to please her but I want her to want the quality time together as much as I do.

    STUCK!!!

  • #2
    If you are letting yourself get run over by your girlfriend than it is high time that you try to take control of your relationship and restore some balance to your love life. Doing everything that a girl tells you to do will not make her love and respect you. In fact, it will probably make her think that you are too weak to think for yourself or that you are co-dependent.

    First, think about why you may have lost control of your relationship. It is easier to solve a problem when you know the root of it than it is to blindly stab at it in the dark. If you do not know the root of it, asking yourself the following questions may help you to discover it.

    Is your girlfriend the one who makes all of the decisions?

    Girls really do like to feel that they have control over their own affairs, but sometimes that leaks over into wanting to control the affairs of their women as well. Maybe he is only making all of those decisions because somewhere along the line you demurred to her. Just tell her that you are now going to take more responsibility.

    Does your girlfriend freak out when you go out?

    There are several reasons that your girlfriend might freak out when you go out without her. Some girls are just control freaks and do not like to let their girlfriends do anything without them. But it may also be because he is feeling a bit self-conscious and jealous.

    There are two ways that you can handle this depending on what his reason is. If he is just that controlling and just doesn't want you to have fun without her in general, then you may want to think about leaving her. Some girls are very controlling and it will take a lot of outside help and her really wanting to change for her to get over it.

    However, if he is nervous about you going out and gets jealous it might be because he feels a lack of confidence. If that is the case, you can take control of your relationship quite easily by simply complimenting her whenever you can and making her know that you value her and that you love her and aren't going to run off with some other girl.



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    • #3
      How To Control A Woman's Emotions - And Make Her Emotionally Dependent On You (3 Simple Techniques)

      Tactic #1. Be the dominator.

      Girls are compliant by nature, but this is only true if they have great reasons to be. Show off your leadership qualities and make her comply with your wishes. You can begin by choosing where to go on every date and charm her into submission.

      Tactic #2. Be the proverbial "man".

      Through centuries of social conditioning, girls have become naturally meek to male authority. You simply have to show that you are the man in your relationship in order to make your girl respond to you properly. If you have the power to read the female mind, you may discover that this is exactly what she wants - a leader she can follow.

      Tactic #3. Be the conversation controller.

      Whenever a girl begins to talk about past relationships, be sensible enough to turn away her attention when she starts talking about her past relationships. Allowing girls to reminisce about their exes while they are spending time with you will only ruin any chances you have of getting them into bed. Because of this, you need to be straightforward and instantly change the topic.

      Dating happens to be a game. In order to win, you need to know several subtle techniques of seduction, such as fractionation, which can help you transform cold girls into loyal girlfriends in just 15 minutes.

      Fractionation can put any girl of your choice under your spell. If you gain complete access to female emotions, you can keep total control of their responses toward you. Laid out in a simple step-by-step formula, fractionation is known to be a super strong seduction tactic which empowers any man to get the woman of his dreams.

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      • #4
        What does it mean to be a man?

        When we are posed with that question many things come to mind. We can talk about confidence, leadership, strength and all of those would be good answers, but what is the core of being a man? In the last 40 years the roles of a man and woman have become more and more blurred. Women in the 1940's and 1950's would stay home, raise the children and took on the role of a submissive wife. In the 1960's and 1970's feminism took center stage and as more and more divorces happened women became single mothers and left to raise boys on their own. I was a product of a single mother and no father in the 1980's and I have spent a great deal of my life trying to answer the question of what does it mean to be a man?

        Now as we turn the page into 2010 we see these roles barely exist anymore. Men have become dependent, lacking direction, followers, cowards and more than anything irresponsible. In the community we learn about the "attraction switches." We are taught to be confident but we are never instructed as to WHY this role is important or even HOW to actually sustain confidence.

        So what is a man in 2010 and why does this matter to your dating life?

        Because being a man is a role that will NEVER disappear. It may seem obvious, but the truth is;

        Women... Like... Men..

        I want to give you my characteristics of what a man is and what their role is.

        Responsibility
        Most men believe that being responsible means supporting a family financially. Being responsible means your role is to accept when you are wrong, but live with the mindset that you are right and confident in your ability to make decisions. A man should also contribute to the emotional, spiritual, physical and mental well-being of his family and significant other. This means taking action when the circumstances call for it and doing what it takes to solve issues that arise.

        A Protector
        A protector means that you can more than just physically protect her from other people; it also means protecting her self-esteem and self-worth. One of the greatest compliments a woman can give a man is to feel safe around him.

        A Leader
        A good leader takes the lead rather than passively waiting for your spouse or significant other to initiate it. Leadership shows confidence and we all know that confidence is very attracting to a woman. Most guys miss the mark here and view leadership as a one way street. A good leader inspires others to greatness, thus giving value while he leads the relationship or household.

        A Mentor
        A man of high value is a mentor to others through word and action. Set high standards and teach by doing. He is impeccable with his word and his actions display confidence as well as mentoring others to improve their lives. This is a powerful trait for a man to have because the strength of character it takes to be a mentor shows a wide variety of attraction switches such as: Confidence, leaderships, social proof and social status.

        The spineless behavior of men is changing the roles that men and women have and causing men to become submissive, feminine and afraid to take the lead.

        The first step to understanding and changing this behavior is becoming dominant.

        Dominance does NOT mean that you own another person, simply put dominance means that you have authority over another person. You take the lead and lead the interaction. If we talk about relationships it means that you are the one who leads the relationship, others are along for the ride and offer their input. You do NOT control the other person, she is free to be who she is just as you are free to be who you are, you are simply leading the relationship and she is more than welcome to add input.

        A lot of guys mistake dominance for total control...

        A relationship is not about control because control is based in fear, a relationship should be founded on love and love is all about freedom. Dominance simply means that you are going to step up and be the man. You are going to lead her and she is going to choose to follow or not. This means making plans, choosing where to eat, setting boundaries and enforcing them.

        The next step is Assume leadership.
        You are the leader because you are the man. Tell her what you want!! When I counsel people in a relationship I often find the same issue that happens over and over again. Neither person is expressing what they actually want.

        You will NEVER get what you want if you do not clearly communicate what you actually want and expect from the other person.

        Assuming leadership means that you understand your role as the man in the relationship is to step up and lead. Take authority over your actions and lead the relationship where you want it to go.

        Controlling Emotions
        One quality of a man that many people overlook is the ability to control emotions. Women are creatures of emotion and thus their moods will change as their emotion's change. As a man you are responsible for controlling your emotions and not letting your emotions control you. Many times when a man has no father figure and was raised by a mother only he will be a very emotional man. Part of assuming the role of a man though is to have dominance over your emotional well-being as well. Its OK to show emotions, in fact it is vital! However, you need to show restraint and that restraint of emotion is VERY attractive to women.

        Becoming Independent
        Independence is a major trademark of a man. Independence shows that you can take care of yourself and therefore you can take care of others. Independence shows that you understand the way life works and have broken free from your dependence on others both financially and emotionally.

        Having Direction in life
        Having a direction in life is another vital role that a man must take on. If you are to be the leader of a relationship or family you must display that you are taking her in a direction she wishes to go and that she has the faith in you to follow. One of the greatest compliments a woman can give a man is that you are multi-dimensional. You have passions other than what she first saw.

        Setting standards
        In the beginning of any interaction with a woman you are sending signals to each other about where your boundaries are. You communicate these in many ways such as verbal cues, body language and willingness to comply with suggestions. As you set boundaries the woman's job is to test these boundaries to see if you will keep her in check. As the man allows his boundaries to be broken the woman loses attraction for him. Over time, the woman will leave the man because she loses all respect for him and sees him as an unsuitable partner.

        A man sets his standards and keeps them there. One of the greatest phrases that holds true in life is "we teach people how to treat us." We do this by setting boundaries and then holding others accountable for violating them.

        For a final point I will try to answer the question what does it mean to be a man. I guess from all my experiences I can say that we know we are a man when we see one. When you become responsible for your actions you begin to understand the world not from the eyes of selfishness, but from the eyes of selflessness.

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        • #5
          good information

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