Just looking for someone else advice on a subject as I have no one close to to really discuss this with as I wish to keep my relationship problems out of my social and family circle. It might be a long one so buckle up.
My girlfriend has just gone on holiday with 2 of her Uni friends and there respective boyfriends (all of whom I really like) but I skyped her the other day to ask how she was getting on and it was a nice conversation until she said, 'okay I'll just go back to being the fifth wheel then'. Considering we are all from the UK and they have somehow decided to spend just over a thousand pounds each to go to Canada I thought I was completely in my right (at the time of deciding whether I was going to commit to going) to say I can't afford to spend over a thousand pounds on a holiday with your uni friends and there boyfriends, I'd be more tempted if it was just with her. We live a 4 hour train journey in the UK and only see each other at the weekends at the best of times. Now somehow I am being made to feel guilty for not committing a thousand pounds on a holiday which I am not necessarily keen to go on anyway, but this is nothing to do with her friends or there boyfriends, if I don't see her very often anyway I'd prefer to get quality time together.
I talk about quality time and she says that she wants quality time with her friends and her family just as much as me, doesn't make me feel too good to be honest but I understand her point of not seeing her family as they live in separate area's of the country too, all of her family I really enjoy spending time with too. But I feel like I can no longer say that I want to spend quality time with her because she often comes back with- it is quality time together if other people are around, I completely disagree on this.
The truth is she does whatever she wants and I love her so much that I will follow her but there is often no middle ground, I really want to spend any time with her and the only choice I seem to have on some occasions is to just go along with whatever she does, but she also comments that I don't have to do any of this stuff (but if I didn't I would get a comment further down the line when she realises she wishes I was there that we will never get any time together if I can't commit to these weekends/week long holidays with her family and friends) I am torn and I feel like my head is going crazy trying to work out whether I am in the right or not. With Christmas coming up as well there is nothing more I want than to be with her. The first Christmas we spent together was for a week solid at her parents house with all of her sisters and one boyfriend (we stayed longer than any of the other couples) during this time I did have a moment where I was exhausted and had to step out of the stressful social situation (trying to have a good Christmas and trying to get to know all of her family etc etc...) and this moment has been the only thing that has been mentioned about that Christmas, no mention of how difficult it was for me, this moment caused her to cry too. The second Christmas we had an argument over where we were spending it and there was no middle ground, she just said she was going to her families again, I was welcome but I couldn't do it to my family 2 years in a row, so we stayed apart. We have the same situation every Christmas and now another Christmas is upon us and she has just told me she is going to her parents again- that's it, she wants to see her family and I was welcome. I completely understand this as she doesn't see her family regularly- but I am now in the position of not seeing her regularly anyway and whenever these conversations come up I pretty much realise I have got to go with whatever she wants to maintain the relationship for both of us while she just does whatever she wants to get what she wants.
What I am saying is she pretty much does whatever she wants and just expects me to go along with it all, if I do I am forced to have fun and at any moment she can say- clearly you don't enjoy this (which isn't true- I just miss spending quality time with her) it is then expected the next time and if I don't I am questioned and held over the coals.
I've no clue what I meant to do to make her see sense because the only way is to sometimes raise my voice, she is a very clever girl and I often find myself in emotional turmoil over this stuff as I want to please her but I want her to want the quality time together as much as I do.
STUCK!!!
My girlfriend has just gone on holiday with 2 of her Uni friends and there respective boyfriends (all of whom I really like) but I skyped her the other day to ask how she was getting on and it was a nice conversation until she said, 'okay I'll just go back to being the fifth wheel then'. Considering we are all from the UK and they have somehow decided to spend just over a thousand pounds each to go to Canada I thought I was completely in my right (at the time of deciding whether I was going to commit to going) to say I can't afford to spend over a thousand pounds on a holiday with your uni friends and there boyfriends, I'd be more tempted if it was just with her. We live a 4 hour train journey in the UK and only see each other at the weekends at the best of times. Now somehow I am being made to feel guilty for not committing a thousand pounds on a holiday which I am not necessarily keen to go on anyway, but this is nothing to do with her friends or there boyfriends, if I don't see her very often anyway I'd prefer to get quality time together.
I talk about quality time and she says that she wants quality time with her friends and her family just as much as me, doesn't make me feel too good to be honest but I understand her point of not seeing her family as they live in separate area's of the country too, all of her family I really enjoy spending time with too. But I feel like I can no longer say that I want to spend quality time with her because she often comes back with- it is quality time together if other people are around, I completely disagree on this.
The truth is she does whatever she wants and I love her so much that I will follow her but there is often no middle ground, I really want to spend any time with her and the only choice I seem to have on some occasions is to just go along with whatever she does, but she also comments that I don't have to do any of this stuff (but if I didn't I would get a comment further down the line when she realises she wishes I was there that we will never get any time together if I can't commit to these weekends/week long holidays with her family and friends) I am torn and I feel like my head is going crazy trying to work out whether I am in the right or not. With Christmas coming up as well there is nothing more I want than to be with her. The first Christmas we spent together was for a week solid at her parents house with all of her sisters and one boyfriend (we stayed longer than any of the other couples) during this time I did have a moment where I was exhausted and had to step out of the stressful social situation (trying to have a good Christmas and trying to get to know all of her family etc etc...) and this moment has been the only thing that has been mentioned about that Christmas, no mention of how difficult it was for me, this moment caused her to cry too. The second Christmas we had an argument over where we were spending it and there was no middle ground, she just said she was going to her families again, I was welcome but I couldn't do it to my family 2 years in a row, so we stayed apart. We have the same situation every Christmas and now another Christmas is upon us and she has just told me she is going to her parents again- that's it, she wants to see her family and I was welcome. I completely understand this as she doesn't see her family regularly- but I am now in the position of not seeing her regularly anyway and whenever these conversations come up I pretty much realise I have got to go with whatever she wants to maintain the relationship for both of us while she just does whatever she wants to get what she wants.
What I am saying is she pretty much does whatever she wants and just expects me to go along with it all, if I do I am forced to have fun and at any moment she can say- clearly you don't enjoy this (which isn't true- I just miss spending quality time with her) it is then expected the next time and if I don't I am questioned and held over the coals.
I've no clue what I meant to do to make her see sense because the only way is to sometimes raise my voice, she is a very clever girl and I often find myself in emotional turmoil over this stuff as I want to please her but I want her to want the quality time together as much as I do.
STUCK!!!
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